Bit of a long story but I’m so bloomin’ angry, I suppose I just need some reassurance that I’m not in the wrong here.
Right. My other half proposed in February and I accepted. I’m really looking forward to getting married but I’ve never wanted the actual wedding. I don’t enjoy being the centre of attention and it’s just never been something I wanted. My fiancé is fine with this so we have agreed on a very simple ceremony with just parents and siblings present and then a smallish get together afterwards just for family and close friends. As the wedding itself is going to be so small I have decided against having any bridesmaids. I have lots of nieces and great nieces and my fiancé has a few too. I couldn’t possibly choose just a couple of them but if I had them all I’d end up with about 12 bridesmaids so I’ve decided against having any.
My fiancé has one niece aged 15 (his brothers daughter) who he is particularly close to and I have also become very close to her. She has quite severe learning difficulties and as a result acts like a much younger child. She’s a lovely person and I’m very fond of her. She’s a romantic soul and absolutely adores weddings. I’ve never seen anyone as excited as she was when we announced the engagement. We’ve spent hours together looking through bridal magazines and she’s constantly asking me questions about the wedding. What flowers will I have, how will I have my hair etc etc. My fiancé and I had a discussion about it and decided that we would ask her to be my only bridesmaid. I explained to my family and they all understood that I couldn’t have them all as bridesmaids. They all know his niece and are aware of how much it would mean to her to be a bridesmaid. No problems there!
We went round to his brothers house last Saturday as I wanted to ask her in person. She was so happy, she burst into tears. She’s so looking forward to going dress shopping and getting her hair and nails done for the wedding. I really am very fond of her and we’re both happy that she’s going to play a big part in our wedding.
On Wednesday night my fiancé had a call from his sister. She wasn’t happy that we’d asked his niece in person but hadn’t bothered to do the same with her two girls. They live fairly close to his brother and she said it would have been nice for her daughters if we’d popped in and asked them in person too. She then went on to ask if I’d be choosing their dresses or if they’d be given a choice. He explained that I would only be having one bridesmaid and that none of my nieces would be bridesmaids either. To say she went ballistic would be an understatement! To cut a long story short, she said that the girls would be heartbroken and would we like to explain to them why they were being left out after she’d already told them that they were going to be bridesmaids. He told her that we would not be explaining anything as we never said they were going to be bridesmaids in the first place and that she would be the one having to explain herself.
I could understand if I’d just chosen a few of the girls and excluded her daughters but we made it quite clear when we announced the engagement that we would not be having a big wedding and at the time I did say that I wouldn’t be having any bridesmaids at all, which was true at the time. She’s now trying to cause trouble by saying it’s not fair on the girl I am having as a BM because she’s going to feel singled out and will think I’ve only chosen her because I feel sorry for her. Nothing could be further from the truth. We both think the world of her but we also know how much it would mean to her to be involved in the wedding. What should be a happy time is now just the opposite. Her attempt at making me feel guilty has worked but I just don’t want a big do. So, AIBU? I thought twice posting this but I’d be very surprised if she was on here and to be perfectly honest I couldn’t care less at the moment