To feel slightly hurt that I’m never invited to his family things?

[WelshCakes45]

I’ve been dating a really lovely guy for the last 18 months now, never had any issues or anything like that, we get on really well.

We have met each other’s immediate family (parents, siblings, etc) and everyone gets on really well with each other and again, there’s been no issues.

Whenever my family have a get together for anything, he is always invited and comes along, welcome with open arms. However, it’s never reciprocated on his side.

For example, his family are having a meal together on Easter Sunday, I’m free on that day as my family aren’t doing it until the Monday and yet he is going on his own and there’s not even been a mention or invitation of me joining him even though his siblings partners will be going.

AIBU for feeling hurt and left out? It almost makes me want to be petty and stop bringing him along to my family gatherings 😣

Sounds like he is choosing not to include you. Depending on the occasion, taking a plus 1 is the norm. If I was having a party for example and invited a family member, I would assume that they would want to bring their partner, I wouldn't necessarily specify 'bring your girlfriend'. The normal thing would be for him to say 'is it okay if I bring x?' but for some reason he isn't doing that. After 18 months, you should be able to ask why.

Ask him. You’ve been together 1.5 years so not being included in his family gatherings makes me question his seriousness with you.

It sounds like it’s his choice not to invite you. He probably could if he wanted to.

How serious are you? Is it anything to do with having a child? What are your plans for the future as a couple?

Just ask to go in Sunday and see what he says. If no. Dump him. If yes, happy days.

Does he consider this a casual relationship?

Hurtful as it is, it’s better for you to know sooner rather than later if he doesn’t want you and your child to be included in his family.

If he doesn’t want you there, do you suspect any particular reason for it?

Why don’t you just ask him? Look, John, my family always invite you to things but yours seemingly never do. Is there something going on on here? It makes me feel very excluded.

This man is happily making use of your family’s food and hospitality and not extending the same to you.

He sounds like a user.

Tell him no more invites until you get one from his.

All the more reason to ask then, so that you know where you stand. You can’t continue your relationship indefinitely not knowing why he doesn’t invite you and getting upset about it, can you?

What does Hotknees keep saying??

He's the one not wanting you there, probably afraid you'll learn something he doesn't want you to know. Ask to go, ask his mother. It's time to air the matter.

Just ask him. Better to get it out in the open!

Do you host sometimes as well? Sometimes people get fed up if others don't host but are quite happy to be hosted?

I guess what I'm saying is, when did you last invite them to yours?

I was about to comment what on earth can someone repeatedly say on this type of thread that breaches the talk guidelines.

anyways, OP perhaps you can just innocently invite yourself along? Just say something like ‘oh I was thinking, why don’t I keep you company at the family BBQ/ lunch/ whatever it is’. - if he’s adamant he doesn’t want you to go then you can have the why conversation as I think it’s important given you’ve been together 18m, if he’s like ‘omg I thought you wouldn’t want to’ etc etc then it’ll be a wires crossed type of situation! This deep in to a relationship it shouldn’t be awkward to do things like that.

"How would you feel about me coming along on Sunday "?

You're not invited because he doesn't want you there. That's the bottom line.

Sorry to spell it out, but maybe ease off on the relationship

It sounds like you're more invested than he is

Ask him. Better to know sooner rather than later.

Yes, say this. His reaction will be telling.

If he's currently coming to your family meal on Monday, I'd want to revisit that too if he doesn't see you as a plus one at his family get togethers.

Would echo this.

I’ve dated men longer than two years whom I didn’t care to take around my family. They were fine companions but I didn’t want to get into that domestic groove with them. I wasn’t looking for permanent relationships.

Not every relationship needs to progress to “the next level.”

I would have to ask him why you are spending the day alone and he is going to his family celebration. Just ask the question. But be prepared for an answer you may not want to hear. But what is the point of the relationship if you end up spending time alone on holiday days.

How have his parents been with you OP?
The reason I ask-
I had this problem with my MIL and FIL - I was never invited to anything, and when I raised it with my DH, the answer (via his mother) was that there was an open door policy and that they didn't 'do' invitations. I felt uncomfortable just turning up (especially for a meal when there would be a set amount of food!) and expressed that I would feel better if I was, y'know, asked to come? It didn't need to be a formal invitation on posh paper (!!!!) but just... someone... expressing verbally... that they'd like to see me there?!
Long story short, this went on for a few months whereby I ended up eating on my own in our shared house and he went to his parents for dinner.
It took a while but DH soon saw the light (it was either that or I was off)
We rarely see them now despite them living in the same town.

This.

I can't understand why you've not just asked him.

How can you call someone your 'partner' and not be able to ask a simple question.
If it is because he doesn't want you there, or doesn't want his family to see you as his partner, then you surely need to know that.