Page 2 | To think this is ridiculous? Childcare

Catisgluedtome · 2025-04-18T09:52:23+00:00

From another thread I have seen somebody saying their child will never have a sleepover at their grandparents/aunties and so on until they're 'old enough to consent to it'. I'm assuming you'll never dress your baby in anything they don't want because they can't 'consent' to that either? I mean according to these people, parents are supposed to not have a night out on their own for the first 'few years'- what happens if you have 2 babies close in age? I just think some of these opinions are ridiculous and come from a place of privilege. No matter what you'll do, you'll be vilified I suppose so may as well just do what suits you and your child best. Some parents think leaving a child with any paid childcare whatsoever even though you might have to, God forbid both go to work, makes you akin to the devil.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 18/04/2025 13:01

Oh you've obviously got a bee in your bonnet about this to generate such a peculiar thread. Parents have every right to be selective about who spends what amount of time with their child and in what setting.

ChicaWowWow · 18/04/2025 13:38

LoveHearts69 · 18/04/2025 12:03

Mmmm I’d actually say it’s the opposite of privilege. A lot of us don’t have our families close by or family members who are in a position to be able to look after very young children. So when you are the only caregivers to your child then naturally the idea of a sleepover or a babysitter when they’re young becomes a strange thought. That’s not to say I’d judge anyone else doing it, I think it must be lovely to have such close grandparents. But you need to recognise that is actually a privilege.

My kids are terrible sleepers, my baby still wakes 4-5 times a night and my bigger one often wakes once or twice. I think their grandparents are more than happy not to do sleepovers to be honest 🤣

Edit: it quoted the wrong post for some reason, sorry! No clue how that happened (I'm fucking tired alllll the time 😅).

ChicaWowWow · 18/04/2025 13:42

StMarie4me · 18/04/2025 12:07

Utter nonsense.

I remember these ‘virtuous’ mothers who had never been out, never left their child, from when mine were little.

I didn’t take any notice of them then, either.

Virtuous, or not having free, trustworthy childcare when needed or suited.
Virtuous, or struggling with PPA, PPD, OCD (🙋‍♀️).
Virtuous, or having children with extra needs that are difficult to cater for (medical, sensory, emotional...)

Fuck me, why do you care so much about what others do?

Sharptonguedwoman · 18/04/2025 13:47

ChicaWowWow · 18/04/2025 11:23

No matter what you'll do, you'll be vilified I suppose so may as well just do what suits you and your child best.

You say this then vilify parents who choose what's best for them by not doing sleepovers 🙄

There's quite a lot of preciousness going on here. Obviously everyone does what they think best and I didn't breastfeed my DD beyond 3-6 months for all sorts of reasons so my views might be different to some.
My parents had DD for 24 hrs when she was about 3 months old as I caught a vile throwing up bug and Ex DP was away. PIL had her for lots of overnights and all parties were very happy. I had a job that involved some evenings/weekends so needed a fair .bit of back up. I also went back to work quite quickly so we had to muddle through.

Sharptonguedwoman · 18/04/2025 13:47

Jessica5678 · 18/04/2025 11:05

You’re talking as though sleepovers are essential, from the privilege of having such care on offer. Lots of us didn’t have our kids doing sleepovers until they were old enough to consent or beyond, because no one was offering one. So not, DH and I didn’t have a night on our own in the early years and we were and are completely fine. I probably wouldn’t have allowed it until the children were old enough to want to do it even if Grandma had been offering - just my preference and what works for our family.

I fail to understand how someone else choosing not to allow overnights for their young children is some sort of problem for you.

Sometimes they are.

Jessica5678 · 18/04/2025 14:24

Sharptonguedwoman · 18/04/2025 13:47

Sometimes they are.

Show quote history

What do you mean “they are”? Sleepovers are essential?

Sure, in lots of circumstances and families I’m sure it’s needed and if it’s also available then great, win all round. They’re hardly a universal necessity for good child rearing in the way OP writes her first post - plenty of us have happy marriages, happy kids and involved and loving grandparents without them.

And whether I’d thought they were essential or not the bottom line was no one was going to offer one to my kids as babies or toddlers anyway. My parents will have them occasionally now they’re tweens and don’t need as much care.

Original poster

Catisgluedtome · 18/04/2025 14:36

I think these are the same people who think they should live in a little 'bubble' and shut the world out for the first several years of their child's life, and their MIL is not allowed to hold the baby or else they'll go NC.
I understand the sleepover thing in some circumstances but I wouldn't want to live my life in that way. Each to their own though.

OP posts:

Original poster

Catisgluedtome · 18/04/2025 14:37

Children are children, what if they say no i don't want to every time? Just never make any plans I guess?

OP posts:

ChicaWowWow · 18/04/2025 14:43

Catisgluedtome · 18/04/2025 14:36

I think these are the same people who think they should live in a little 'bubble' and shut the world out for the first several years of their child's life, and their MIL is not allowed to hold the baby or else they'll go NC.
I understand the sleepover thing in some circumstances but I wouldn't want to live my life in that way. Each to their own though.

Ok, just carrying on being judgmental af then add "each to their own though" without seeing the irony.
👋

Original poster

Catisgluedtome · 18/04/2025 14:46

ChicaWowWow · 18/04/2025 14:43

Ok, just carrying on being judgmental af then add "each to their own though" without seeing the irony.
👋

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Ok

OP posts:

Sharptonguedwoman · 18/04/2025 15:00

Jessica5678 · 18/04/2025 14:24

What do you mean “they are”? Sleepovers are essential?

Sure, in lots of circumstances and families I’m sure it’s needed and if it’s also available then great, win all round. They’re hardly a universal necessity for good child rearing in the way OP writes her first post - plenty of us have happy marriages, happy kids and involved and loving grandparents without them.

And whether I’d thought they were essential or not the bottom line was no one was going to offer one to my kids as babies or toddlers anyway. My parents will have them occasionally now they’re tweens and don’t need as much care.

Show quote history

Simply this. Example: friend had a job that required being away from home for at least one weekend a year and once a year for longer. Plus some long days. Her PIL were fantastic, took her DD for these periods and at zero notice in emergencies and loved her and she them. Her DP was a bit useless until her DD was older.
She couldn't do her job without sleepovers and changing job would have been well nigh impossible as being away was part of the job description.

Yotoyoto · 18/04/2025 15:08

@Catisgluedtome i think the point was sleepovers with hired babysitters? Not grandparents?

unfortunately we don’t have family who are willing to have ours, I’d jump at the chance. But I wouldn’t pay/ hire a babysitter I didn’t know to have sole responsibility overnight. Maybe different if family friend or someone I trusted, but not a random, no.