Is it normal and if so when does it get easier???!?

[Becca3451]

AIBU to find a long day with my little one hard? He is 14 months and I only spend one long non working day with him. It's mainly the inability to nip to the loo without him crying. Even if I take him with me, he cries because I've taken him away from what he is doing. Is it normal?

My non working day is when my husband works in the office and I have no family around. My husband can be away from 8am-7pm so pretty long day. If he WFH his day is 9.15-5.30pm and on mat leave these days were soo much better.

We use a small amount of TV ( I use toddler club when I really need 10 minutes like getting us ready to go out). But I don't like using it often.

AIBU to find it hard? It's only one child and one day of the week. Is it normal for them to this clingy at this age, and if so when will it pass?

But also don’t sweat about the TV time.

It’s the reason my child will remain an only child. Some people have it in them, I am not one of those people. (Not suggesting you aren’t either). I find playing with toddlers really boring. Partly because I lack imagination. But it’s all very repetitive and each activity only lasts a few minutes before the attention span has expired. It’s tough.

Some days just feel impossible. But don’t worry if he cries while your use the loo. As long as he’s safe in the room he’s in, leave him in there while you pee, brush teeth, make a cuppa- whatever. You are only gone for a minute.

This is really normal for them at this age. It's also really normal to feel exhausted by it!
Once their communication and understanding becomes a bit easier for them it does ease. It's relentless around this age because they're getting really on the move so you physically need to be everywhere, they're vocal and loud and also have no idea why they are suddenly stopped every 10 seconds from sticking their hands places they shouldn't. It creates a lot of giant feelings in a very little body that they have no way to communicate other than to cry and scream and can't self regulate so need their comfort (being you) to settle back down.
Your doing great, don't stress if the TV is on for more than 10 minutes they don't really pay much attention for long anyway or put the radio on so there's other noises for him too.

My ds is 26 months and is exactly like this, it’s so draining. As soon as I leave the room queue meltdown

It can be very tough. People like different stages, and it’s nothing to do with how you are as a parent. I hated the newborn stage. If one more person told me to ‘hunker down in bed and bond with my baby’ I would have screamed. I was so bored, I found it mind numbing and exhausting. At 14m it’s difficult as they can move, require constant supervision, and often get bored in a playpen. I echo others to try and get out and break up the day. I also did household chores with them.

3yrs old has been a great time for me, I love the chatting, the curiosity, the laughter. Again, it’s different for everyone and it doesn’t make you a good or bad parent if you like or don’t like certain stages. Don’t feel you have to savour everything as ‘they grow up so quickly’, some things are actually just dull and tiring and it’s ok to admit that!!

I found age 1 the hardest. Tedious, their attention span is short, they're still too young to do a lot of cool things, and the day is still very dictated by nap schedule etc. I always tried to plan at least one activity a day - an organised class or a playdate or whatever - and to keep us out of the house as much as possible. For us things got so much better when she was 2+, and then at almost 3 when she was potty trained and had dropped the nap it was a revelation. We could go anywhere and do anything. Even without lugging the buggy around! Bliss. Hang in there, it gets so much easier.

Yeah I think the exhortation to enjoy it while you have it is such nonsense. I look back at photos and videos of DD1 at that age now and she was so gorgeous and charming. Makes me wish I could snuggle that little chonky toddler again. But I also know this is not the whole picture - I struggled hugely and I still don't wish those days back.

It's given me a better perspective on my second tbh. I am good at the baby stage and with both mine have found it easy to find patience, grace, energy for them when tiny. I get into my groove and meet their needs. So I was SHOCKED with DD1 when she hit 1 and it turned out I wasn't an effortlessly brilliant mum, I was just better suited to one stage than another. So I'm genuinely soaking up DD2's babyhood as I know it's all going to get much more challenging for me (and then easier again). It's good to have the perspective and know that parenting has its ebbs and flows, and is so specific to the individuals involved. Maybe I'll do better this time round.

I found it so hard but ALL of my friends seemed to love every minute. I felt extremely inadequate and cried a lot about what a rubbish mum I was. Dreaded the days when we had no plans and don't look back on that stage with fondness just relief that it's over and he's now 27, engaged with a super duper city job. So although I still think I was a bit crap he's not been scarred for life.

I have a friend (how I wish I knew her then) who apparently struggled so much that she has on at least one occasion run off and locked herself in the loo to escape the demands. (Hello, if you're reading this, dear friend xx)

Maybe you can find someone else who is not a total earth mother and you can bond over the horror of it all..... if not, it passes. I just can't remember when. (I suspect for me it was when he left for university...)

2+ was much easier with my twins. Still hard but easier than before that. They are still incapable of so much without you at 14 months yet want to do everything. At 2 they can do much more independently, chat with you a little etc.

I think most of us feel the same. I only put CBeebies on for 13 months old DD for about 10 mins at a time, she loses interest then anyway. And she comes into the bathroom with me if I need a wee, I just give her a bath toy to play with. My 4 days at work are much easier (except when she gets sent home early from nursery for being ill, which is about 50% of the time)

Don't get caught up in the zero screen time nonsense. Children can learn a lot from certain shows including language skills, conversation skills and social cues. Give your baby and yourself a break and don't make it so difficult for you both.

As an only child, I find it incredibly sad that you'd deny your child a sibling because it'd make life a bit difficult for you in the short term. That's so selfish.
I know for some people having another child is not possible but please don't inflict being an only child on your child if you have an option not to 😔

I really don't think people should have a child they don't really want just to give their child a sibling!

Having said that, one of the advantages of 2 is they often play together, which reduces the amount of imaginative play you need to do as a parent! That's a gamble though, and there are times I have been playing 2 different imaginary games at once!

It would be far more selfish to have a child I knew I couldn’t cope with. Plenty people are absolutely fine being an only child. Not everyone likes their sibling. If you’re unhappy that’s your issue to deal with but you don’t get to tell other people how to live.

I was a SAHM with my DS .He always had the energy of about 10 men! Naps dropped quite quickly .We went out most mornings to NCT coffee mornings ,park with DDog and so on.He would have lunch, and he loved Teletubbies and Playbus .Maybe an hour or two . Now hes in his 20s with a STEM degree from a RG uni , and works in industry .So dont worry too much!

Gustavo77 I too am an only child .My parents couldnt have more .I dont feel I missed out though.My friend shared a room with her sister ,and I envied her(always hated sleeping alone) She in turn envied me my room and my toys which didnt need to be shared !

I’m sorry you’re unhappy with your life, but I don’t think that’s to do with you being an only child. People are happy/unhappy with 0,1,2,3+ siblings. Have you thought about getting some outside help to process what’s making you unhappy?

It's totally normal, I dreaded my non working days for years with my DC. They are extra clingy because they haven't been with you all week.

I split the day with mine, so morning would be up, breakfast, dressed, activity. Lunch, nap, afternoon activity. Then it would be dinner and bed. The activities don't have to be massive but having something planned helped me feel more in control - so morning could be walk and the park and the afternoon could be getting the playdough out.

Don't feel bad about the TV - mine watched TV when they were that age and learned loads. They are very intelligent children who have amazing general knowledge.

Yes, it is normal, and it starts getting easier when they reach the age of about 3 and a half years old. After that, it continues to get easier, until hormones kick in and then there’s a whole new range of issues to deal with.
Welcome to parenthood. As hard as it is, try to appreciate these days (once they’re asleep!) as they do truly whizz by, and I kind of miss them now!