Guest leaving toothpaste spit in basin.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

I have a guest staying who seems to think she doesn't need to clean the bathroom sink after brushing her teeth.

It's literally a mouthful splat of toothpaste.
No attempt to rinse and it's at the edge of the sink curve, not even aimed at the plug.

I've rinsed each time, but it's day 2 of 8 and it's already starting to get to me.

Let it go first time as thought it was an oversight, second time, we'd said our goodnights and she was shut in her room, wouldn't go knocking, so just cleaned again.

How would you handle this?
Don't want guest to feel uncomfortable, but equally don't expect to be cleaning after a capable grown up.

She's a friend of an ex colleague, old enough to be my mother and not first time she's stayed.

Thanks.

She's a friend of an ex colleague, old enough to be my mother and not first time she's stayed.

Is it the first time she’s done this though?

This is obv inconsiderate behaviour but I think it’s probably oblivious more than hostile. That’s not an excuse, and clearly shows a massive lack of self awareness, does she live alone? Its easy to slip into bad habits when it’s just yourself who has to deal with seeing toothpaste spit in the sink and bc it doesn’t bother her she’s not had the awareness that it would probably bother others in a communal area.

Neurodiverity gets bandied about a lot and pisses ppl right off as an excuse for negative behaviour, but there are a lot of ppl who have this, and they ppl who behave in ‘odd’ or non conventional ways are either entitled, lazy, narcissistic or ND to some degree. It’s not always obvious, especially if they are unaware they are and have not been diagnosed and appear to be NT, but for certain behaviours that other ppl can put down to being rude or ‘eccentric’.

I won’t go into the definition of autism or the origin of the name but a characteristic is to focus on oneself as opposed to other ppl, ie get the tooth brushing done, move on as it doesn’t bother them - its more a lack of social or self awareness, it’s not malicious, the negative reaction to their spit by others and their not bothering to clean it for the next person is just not thought about or considered (in SOME cases).

Also OCD and ADHD, specifically attention deficit, involves loads of thoughts skipping from one to the next. It’s quite likely that someone who has this would be brushing their teeth while thinking of something unrelated, finish, and already be focusing on their next task or idea or whatever and forget to finish the whole task of cleaning up after themselves. I’m not making excuses for lazy or inconsiderate behaviour, just trying to raise the possibility that it might not be as straightforward as ppl tend to assume.

As to how to deal with it - I agree, that’s difficult. Does she behave in a similar way in other aspects? Have you spoken to your mutual friend about how she behaved at work? It would be really awkward raising it so you can either try the talking about it in a non-confrontational, roundabout way - ie the fact cleaning, particularly bathrooms, PARTICULARLY THE SINK is an arse-ache, isn’t it?

Or not invite/agree to have her stay again

Or clean it up and say nothing and focus on the more positive aspects of your relationship/interactions with her.

You will have more of an idea if this is an arrogant person who feels cleaning up after herself is beneath her, or if it is a genuine oversight from a pleasant but often distracted or forgetful friend.

Thanks for replying, she's done it before, but I didn't say anything then as it was just a one night stay.

She does live alone and her home is clean. Only been there twice though and didn't sleep over.

Reminds me, she left a banana peel on the sofa arm earlier and has lit a candle and left the used matchstick on the side instead of binning it.

It's as if she can't be bothered more than being lazy iyswim.

Well turned out, so obviously takes care when she chooses.

The woman isn't a child, op said she's old enough to be her mother..

@TamaraCain I think you need to read the OP again.

Just tell her to clean the sink after cleaning her teeth! Lazy woman.

I think intro the sticker chart would do the trick anyway 😂

This would irk me too, I'd ignore because it's all minor things but then never have her again because it becomes major in my head.

I wouldn't invite her to stay again. Problem solved. There is more than likely a Travelodge or B&B locally she can stay at instead.

In the whole scheme of things is just let it go and rinse the sink myself but if she's being disrespectful in other areas egbanana skin,match them if have to say "do you mind using the bin when you've finished your 'nana, lit a match?" Etc
Some people just have lower standards and need telling. Or do the PA thing of huffing and puffing as you go around the house clearing up after her in the hope she gets the hint.

It's just toothpaste, I'd let it go

Thanks @Tdcp & @Berlinlover , missed that comment but yes, she's a grown capable adult.

Thanks @333FionaG ,It's how to broach it without being a bad host I guess.

Suddenly a sticker chart appearing just for the two of us, I like it @IReallyLoveItHere
I could write her name in PA capitals 😂.

Unfortunately not @TranceNation , middle of nowhere and seems she might need to stay every once in a while.

I know what you mean @Yerroblemom1923 , wish there was a way to say it without getting her back up.
Not sure, but get the sense she'd sulk.
Don't want any bad vibes obviously and as it is, we kinda stay out of each other's way and only eat dinner together.

On the grand scheme of things, it does seem like a small thing @Tbrh,

but first thing in the morning and last thing at night, I'm having to clean a grown adult's spit, just becauseshe can't be bothered.
She on the other hand, gets to use a clean sink each time.

Like @IReallyLoveItHere said, it's a small thing, that gets bigger in my head as I try to reason why she'd think it's ok to treat a shared space in this way.