I am so bored, sexless relationship..what is the point!

Nousernamesavaliable · 2025-04-17T19:14:49+00:00

I am beyond bored! Longterm relationship, almost 10years, 1 Ds. Our relationship is boring, granted not much child free time. Sex is almost every 6 weeks after lots of moaning/hinting from me. 5 year age gap , I'm 36 he's 41. He has had a difficult time and is now on medication for high blood pressure which I am aware effects sexdrive etc He admits he has no desire no drive etc. Can I really put and end to my relationship due to no sex? I love him, I care for him, he is a brilliant dad...I just need more! Is this selfish? I find myself day dreaming about the perfect little bedroom buddy. Do I just need to except this is my life now.

Abigaillovesholidays · 17/04/2025 20:17

How old is Ds?

letsnotIRL · 17/04/2025 20:19

This is a tough one. I think if he's on medication that's impacting his drive, could he potentially talk to doctors and ask for a different med due to unwanted side effects?
Or could you use toys to satiate yourself and accept the new normal for your relationship?
I don't think lack of sex is enough reason to end a relationship, what if he was in an accident and paralysed, would you leave because of no sex?
Seems yous have a good thing going other than this one aspect, so it just depends how important this is to you. Me and DP haven't had sex in a couple of years due to medical reasons, it's rubbish but thats our life now unfortunately. Hopefully we can try again in the future but for now it's just not possible.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/04/2025 20:22

You can end a relationship for any reason, or learn to live with it, or have a mature conversation about ethical non monogamy.

The only unreasonable course of action would be cheating.

Original poster

Nousernamesavaliable · 17/04/2025 20:34

DS is 5.
It's not just the lack of sex, it's the lack of effection. I am absolutely not a cuddly/kissing type with anyone other than my partner and son..I feel like I am living/looking after my brother.
He will not go to the gp as refuses to have the discussion woth receptionist to get an appointment, although I have offered to do this for him.
If I mention/ bring anything up he gets defensive and literally just goes to bed.
For clarification, I would never cheat, nor do I have any intention on ever introducing another male in to my sons life. If this relationship ended for what ever reason it would be me and my son full stop.... I would not be apposed to a fwb situation. Sorry if that sounds awful, I'm just trying to be honest.

OP posts:

BlondeMummyto1 · 17/04/2025 20:35

36 is still young enough to find someone else. Don’t settle.

PlumFairies · 17/04/2025 20:42

You are not alone, it’s hard but I feel I can’t break up my family over sex and intimacy. I’m almost 40 and resigned to it now.

NinaOakley · 17/04/2025 22:30

My solution has been to have an affair. (there is a brain injury at play that means ENM is not an option, I would find it preferable.)

I feel guilty, but so much better for it.

kittenkipping · 17/04/2025 23:50

I couldn’t live without sexual intimacy. I’d aim for a friendly divorce and healthy co parenting relationship.

sadly if I knew, categorically , that he couldn’t do that (an embarrassing amount of men cannot) I’d stay.

GiroJim100 · 18/04/2025 00:21

Ultimately OP it depends what you want from the relationship. There is no right or wrong answer here.

It’ll be interesting to see how this one goes. In threads where it is a husband moaning about lack of sex and the OP doesn’t want it then the husband is judged as vile scum and a borderline rapist.

Not judging you btw OP, a good relationship surely should involve intimacy though obviously on a basis that is mutually right for both partners.

CiscoTS · 18/04/2025 00:36

letsnotIRL · 17/04/2025 20:19

This is a tough one. I think if he's on medication that's impacting his drive, could he potentially talk to doctors and ask for a different med due to unwanted side effects?
Or could you use toys to satiate yourself and accept the new normal for your relationship?
I don't think lack of sex is enough reason to end a relationship, what if he was in an accident and paralysed, would you leave because of no sex?
Seems yous have a good thing going other than this one aspect, so it just depends how important this is to you. Me and DP haven't had sex in a couple of years due to medical reasons, it's rubbish but thats our life now unfortunately. Hopefully we can try again in the future but for now it's just not possible.

Of course it’s enough to end a relationship if it means that much to one of the parties.

I wouldn’t put up with it, not long term. If I couldn’t leave I would take a FWB.

You only live once, and I’m not spending my one precious life in some forced prison of celibacy.

CiscoTS · 18/04/2025 00:38

NinaOakley · 17/04/2025 22:30

My solution has been to have an affair. (there is a brain injury at play that means ENM is not an option, I would find it preferable.)

I feel guilty, but so much better for it.

I would (and have) done the same.

HangTheDJHangTheDJHangTheDJ · 18/04/2025 00:43

I'd leave someone if the sex was terrible or missing entirely. It's a massive part of a romantic relationship. The whole relationship would be ruined for me if it was missing.

I'd rather live alone and sleep alone. I couldn't bear endless nights in a bed where I felt rejected.

PassingStranger · 18/04/2025 01:14

Stick with it OP

The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
There's no.guarantee if you meet someone else it will all.be plain sailing anyway.

FetchezLaVache · 18/04/2025 01:31

For me, it wouldn't be the lack of sex so much as the not caring enough about how that affects you to try to do something about it. A close friend is in an almost sexless relationship due to a medical condition on her husband's part, but he has tried absolutely everything to make it better, including surgery. I think she would feel differently if he'd refused even to see the GP in the first place. Your husband is not being very fair to you here. Did he ever have a normal sex drive?

letsnotIRL · 18/04/2025 02:30

CiscoTS · 18/04/2025 00:36

Of course it’s enough to end a relationship if it means that much to one of the parties.

I wouldn’t put up with it, not long term. If I couldn’t leave I would take a FWB.

You only live once, and I’m not spending my one precious life in some forced prison of celibacy.

Show quote history

That's why I said it depends how important it is to her. This isnt just choice on her DH part, it's a medical issue.
I haven't had sex in years because my DP is unable. But I said for better, for worse, in sickness and in health 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes it's not an option, or fixable, or anyone's fault. It's life, it sucks but I'm not leaving for something that literally can't be helped.
Edited to say, OP maybe you should have the FWB conversation with him. What have you got to lose at this point?

nadine90 · 18/04/2025 02:39

Is the lack of affection just how he is, or is he worried affection is expected to lead to sex?
Could you live without regular sex if all the other things were good? Have you talked about other ways you can be intimate?
Theres a lot to unpick with this, but ultimately, life is short and if you’re not getting what you need from the relationship, you don’t have to stay