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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to stop being annoyed all the time?

31 replies

TomatoTrousers · 17/04/2025 19:07

How do I change my attitude? My kids are young and demanding. I try hard to be a good mum but by the end of the day I’m tired and get snappy and end up shouting. It annoys me so much when they nag and fight and ask the same things again and again. I constantly seem to make food or tidy the kitchen and answer to demands and remind them to say please and thank you. My DH annoys me too, not being very tidy, or other relatively minor crimes.

You hear in the media about families ripped apart, people who have lost children, unexpected illness or car accident. I feel so sad about this and know I’m so lucky. But I’m sweating the small stuff and risk waking up in ten years with regrets about being so damn annoyed all the time.

Has anyone managed to make a lasting change to their attitude? Do I need CBT? CBD? Meditation? A life affirming note on the fridge? I’m genuinely concerned that I’m wasting such precious moments. I know it doesn’t matter in the long run if someone left shoes in the middle of the floor but when it happens I often feel so annoyed and fed up.
I would really love to hear from anyone who has found a way to enjoy life more.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 17/04/2025 19:09

Nothing helps

Just try to hide it?

MaybeItsTimeForMeNow · 17/04/2025 19:10

I'm following this as I'm exactly the same. 3 kids aged 7 and under. The mum guilt when they're in bed is unbelievable. My DH tells me often that I'm absolutely doing my best so I try to tell myself that too.

PeachesPeachesPeachesPeachesPeaches · 17/04/2025 19:11

Meditation and a low dose of fluoxetine does it for me!

Mumofteenandtween · 17/04/2025 19:16

I was much nicer when I stopped being severely sleep deprived.

Lindererer32 · 17/04/2025 19:21

Would also appreciate wisdom and insight. I tell myself I'm only human, make sure to give lots of cuddles/express my love to the children throughout the day and explain in simple terms why I have raised my voice etc.

More sleep would definitely help. Being tired, pulled in all directions and over-stinulated from many angles is a hard battle.

MarkingBad · 17/04/2025 19:23

I learned a really quick technique in a resiliance course via an employer.

Basically if life has just served you a shit sandwich from the dishwasher not properly cleaning dishes to the car not starting just say a really positive word before you tackle the job or conversation. Something like Fantastic or Fabulous.

I was really skeptical about it but it does change your mindset, you are still peeved but the shit sandwich gets a bit of sauce on top that makes it easier to deal with.

It even works if you say it sarcastically. It's free and worth a try for a few days to see if it suits you.

Sometimes you've just got to let things happen and care a lot less. As for DH being untidy, just don't do anything with his stuff. I did that, in a week of not being able to find his keys, wallet, favourite jacket, lucky boxers, that weird magical tool that is only available from Narnia on one hour of one day in the decade etc, he started to learn to put it in the right places all by himself. When he mentioned untidyness I just said oh that lot is yours, I didn't want to move it in case you needed them. Doesn't always work, he was a quick learner but I learned to care less about him losing stuff, he had to take responsibility for it.

mummyto9angels · 17/04/2025 19:24

More sleep, trying to slow down a bit during the day and speak to GP. This could well be depression at the root of it all. Good luck.

Ariel896 · 17/04/2025 19:25

Oh my god join the club! This Easter holiday is killing me. DH working away the whole time. Both kids are so full on. I have no suggestions!!! Possibly wine?

MyVIsForVendetta · 17/04/2025 19:33

What’s the cure for being entirely human, having limits and reaching them?

Rest. Help. Support.

Are you getting any of those?

MyVIsForVendetta · 17/04/2025 19:34

Let’s have it right, kids can be tiny annoying wankers. Even when we adore them.

I hated maternity leave.

I hate annual leave at half term.

I adore my kids, but fuck me, I’m not cut out to be a stay at home parents. It SUCKS.

kiwiblue · 17/04/2025 19:46

I know exactly what you mean.

I think I've got slightly better... Think it's a combination of my perimenopausal supplement and knowing I'm perimenopausal?! But by god the kids' constant squabbling is pissing me off and my husband does many many things that really annoy me now. Like you say OP I honestly just try to remind myself we are all healthy and have a roof over our head and not sweat the small stuff. Sometimes it helps a little but it's still tough!

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 17/04/2025 19:51

HRT for me, as it was a sign of perimenopause. I found myself getting really anxious, paranoid, easily overwhelmed and triggered by everything. I either felt like I wanted to kill everyone, or everyone was out to kill me. World events are enough to drive anyone to distraction at the moment but coupled with peri it was unbearable. Truly awful. Oestrogen gel & progesterone pills have levelled me out again.

ItsCalledAConversation · 17/04/2025 19:55

MarkingBad · 17/04/2025 19:23

I learned a really quick technique in a resiliance course via an employer.

Basically if life has just served you a shit sandwich from the dishwasher not properly cleaning dishes to the car not starting just say a really positive word before you tackle the job or conversation. Something like Fantastic or Fabulous.

I was really skeptical about it but it does change your mindset, you are still peeved but the shit sandwich gets a bit of sauce on top that makes it easier to deal with.

It even works if you say it sarcastically. It's free and worth a try for a few days to see if it suits you.

Sometimes you've just got to let things happen and care a lot less. As for DH being untidy, just don't do anything with his stuff. I did that, in a week of not being able to find his keys, wallet, favourite jacket, lucky boxers, that weird magical tool that is only available from Narnia on one hour of one day in the decade etc, he started to learn to put it in the right places all by himself. When he mentioned untidyness I just said oh that lot is yours, I didn't want to move it in case you needed them. Doesn't always work, he was a quick learner but I learned to care less about him losing stuff, he had to take responsibility for it.

Someone at my work does this! She’s an absolute trooper. Great approach.

OP sounds like you need some loud music/dance, a glass of wine, a good shag, a good nap, a good book, a good takeaway, a talk with a friend, a beautiful hike, a belly laugh. Whatever brings you some joy to balance out the shite small children bring to your door every day. It gets better. Good luck!

thestudio · 17/04/2025 19:55

I think very, very often this simmering anger is because the man isn't doing their half of the adulting/domestic work/mental load.

We're conditioned to not question this arrangement, such that we often can't actually see it - it's just 'how things are'. If we do see it, we're conditioned to accept that these are a series of 'petty issues' rather than a structural lack of fairness (and respect) in the relationship. Men are likewise conditioned.

But our inner sense of justice does see it, and does understand it. So we're left with what seems to be, but isn't, a baseless anger.

BedBathAndBeyonce · 17/04/2025 19:55

If this is all relatively new… Consider Perimenopause. If it’s possibly peri, you can research ways forward and then choose to act accordingly, but even just realising what’s happening can be massively helpful in being a bit kinder — first to yourself, then to others. (Wish I had recognised mine and sought help earlier than I did, but my head is much more levelled out these days).

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 17/04/2025 19:56

Yep!

Endofyear · 17/04/2025 19:58

I think tiredness and small kids can test the resources of even the most grateful optimistic parent! I would try and get through the dinner/bath/bed routine as quickly as possible so that you get a good few hours to yourself in the evening! Mine were all in bed by 7.30 when they were small, doesn't matter if they go to sleep straight away as long as they stay in bed!

I think practicing something like mindfulness or yoga (for the breathing exercises) really help, even if you only snatch 10 minutes to do it. Trying to carve out a bit of time for yourself is so important and we often put our own needs last and end up feeling frustrated, put upon and overwhelmed. You can't pour from an empty cup. Make sure you get some time just for you - it's not selfish, it's essential.

Lookuptotheskies · 17/04/2025 20:02

I know I'd be less like this if I got a bit less overstimulated and exhausted. Not gonna happen though.

Minglingpringle · 17/04/2025 20:59

I think you need to remind yourself that mess doesn’t really matter, but a childhood spent with an irritable mum does. Model to your children how to be a happy adult - they learn so much more from what we model than from what we tell them.

QueefQueen80s · 17/04/2025 21:55

Mumofteenandtween · 17/04/2025 19:16

I was much nicer when I stopped being severely sleep deprived.

This..

Original poster
TomatoTrousers · 17/04/2025 22:13

Minglingpringle · 17/04/2025 20:59

I think you need to remind yourself that mess doesn’t really matter, but a childhood spent with an irritable mum does. Model to your children how to be a happy adult - they learn so much more from what we model than from what we tell them.

I quite agree. How do I become happy?

OP posts:
Original poster
TomatoTrousers · 17/04/2025 22:14

MarkingBad · 17/04/2025 19:23

I learned a really quick technique in a resiliance course via an employer.

Basically if life has just served you a shit sandwich from the dishwasher not properly cleaning dishes to the car not starting just say a really positive word before you tackle the job or conversation. Something like Fantastic or Fabulous.

I was really skeptical about it but it does change your mindset, you are still peeved but the shit sandwich gets a bit of sauce on top that makes it easier to deal with.

It even works if you say it sarcastically. It's free and worth a try for a few days to see if it suits you.

Sometimes you've just got to let things happen and care a lot less. As for DH being untidy, just don't do anything with his stuff. I did that, in a week of not being able to find his keys, wallet, favourite jacket, lucky boxers, that weird magical tool that is only available from Narnia on one hour of one day in the decade etc, he started to learn to put it in the right places all by himself. When he mentioned untidyness I just said oh that lot is yours, I didn't want to move it in case you needed them. Doesn't always work, he was a quick learner but I learned to care less about him losing stuff, he had to take responsibility for it.

I will try this!

OP posts:
Minglingpringle · 17/04/2025 22:15

TomatoTrousers · 17/04/2025 22:13

I quite agree. How do I become happy?

Show quote history

I was kind of thinking that that would be the affirmation that you were looking for. “This doesn’t matter. Let it go.”

Cheepcheepcheep · 17/04/2025 22:21

I hear you! Two preschoolers and a stressful job.

Something I read recently said that when you’re at the end of your tether, imagine you’re 85 and you’re granted a wish and your wish is one more day with your kids as little ones. Think about how grateful you’d be for just one more day of a healthy 30-something body, some kids who think you’re the centre of their universe.

It’s not perfect but it’s helped me this week.

vincettenoir · 17/04/2025 22:23

Try and work out if is throughout the month or is it PMT.