Before I get started, let me lay some groundwork. My wife and I have a 2-year-old son who is mixed English-Chinese. Since he was born, we have either had my wife's parents staying with us, or a hired live-in nanny, because my wife insists that she cannot manage on her own. This is due to her laziness, but I'll get to that later. Bear in mind, we both work from home permanently and are pretty flexible with our schedules.
The in-laws stayed with us for six months after our son was born in January, then returned to China for 6 months, and a live-in nanny was hired. This February, the in-laws returned to stay with us for another 6 months (4 months to go, not that I'm counting). They also came on holiday with us for three weeks at Christmas, and before that, two other two-week holidays. We also have a holiday booked for May, and guess what, they're coming with us again.
Now, to the subject line. My MIL, whom I've nicknamed my shadow, is constantly following me around when I'm with my son. If I go into the garden to play with him, she will follow. If I go into a different room with him, she will follow. If I go upstairs, you guessed it, I can literally feel her behind me wherever we go. She will even pick him up while I'm with him and take him away, or try to shove some food in his mouth in the middle of us playing. She just has to be involved. It's got to the point that I'm avoiding spending time with my son, because it's causing me an immense amount of stress! I have asked my wife to speak to her Mum about this, as her parents don't speak English, but nothing changes - either because she hasn't told them or they won't change.
Now to the lazy wife part. My wife doesn't cook, clean, or generally spend much time with our son; I don't know why, but it's like she would just rather let someone else do the hard work. If he wakes up in the night, either me or the MIL will attend to him because my wife says she doesn't hear him, despite having a baby monitor next to her bed. I'm deaf in one ear, but I can still hear him okay! Our son usually wakes up between 7 and 8 am most mornings. I'm generally up around 5 am (not because I have to, but it's the only time I get a few hours to myself), and either me or the MIL will start his morning routine, whoever gets to him first. My wife will stay in bed until 10 a.m., sometimes 11 a.m. When she does wake up, we're either already at the park or home playing, reading, etc. My wife won't make any effort to get involved; she'll sit on her phone or computer, or eat the breakfast that has been made for her. At around 1 pm, when it's nap time (which I've been trying to explain we should phase out, but it falls on deaf ears), my wife will either go back to bed or go out somewhere. The laziness even extends to trivial things, like not closing a cupboard door after taking something out, or eating and leaving dishes in the sink instead of washing them. It has been the cause of several arguments, not just with me, but also with her parents, who cut their last visit short by a few weeks because they couldn't take her lack of appreciation. Still, she is happy to give out orders and tell people what they are doing wrong, despite not doing it herself. I've tried to address this with my wife, but she's the type of person who is very defensive and can't admit to being wrong. In fact, she knows she is lazy and has admitted it, but refuses to change. I reached breaking point last week and had to bring it up again, only for her to tell me, "She doesn't care what I think, my opinion doesn't matter, so just shut up about it" - We've been married for seven years but don't have the best relationship, so saying things like this are normal to her; in the past she has told me I'm useless, will never amount to anything, i'm a loser, despite being educated and having a good, well paid job, and in general, liked by everyone. She says she says these things in the heat of the moment and doesn't mean them, but I'm the type of person who cant forgive and forget easily.
I feel like I am fighting a losing battle, which is affecting both my physical and mental health, and the precious time I/we should be spending with our son. I don't want to go on holiday with them next month because of all this, but I also don't want to miss out this time with my son. I'm so torn, I don't know what to do for the best. I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this, and I'm at my wits' end.
If you've got this far, thanks for reading. I don't have anyone else I can talk to or share this with, so I appreciate any feedback or thoughts.