To think this was really rude of my colleague?

[coffeeplease16]

Yesterday I met up with colleagues that I had never seen in person before but talked to remotely on camera many times. We were joking around about whether people were taller or shorter than what we expected based on what they look like on camera. One of the men turned to me and said he thought I would have been “really big” based on my face, and then went on to add that my body doesn’t match my face. I obviously looked a bit shocked and he tried to tell me it was a compliment because my chubby cheeks make me look youthful. AIBU to think this whole interaction is actually really rude and quite inappropriate, or would you see this as just a misplaced joke? The person making the comments is very senior in the business. We do have quite a lot of ‘banter’ as a team which usually I don’t have any problem with. Other colleagues suggested it might have come out harsher than he intended as English isn’t his first language.

They probably thought it would be considered a compliment, but agree it's inappropriate and can see why you were taken aback. If they're otherwise nice and there isn't a pattern of horrible comments I'd personally let it go, but it depends how you feel about it as to how you react.

Yeah. Clumsy for sure. If it’s a one off, I’d let it slide. If it’s one of a series of digs, I probably wouldn't.

Tbh I think starting a conversation about each other's appearances, even if it did just begin about heights, was a recipe for disaster. It was always likely to turn into more personal stuff with somebody ending up feeling hurt or offended.

The senior member of staff should have guided the conversation away from comments about appearances as this really was not appropriate..

I wonder if he was secretly mortified inside once he realised what he said. Also if English not his first language then maybe it came out wrong

I think it’s clumsy but agree with another poster if it was a pattern of behaviour/comments I’d be a bit pissed off. I’ve had all sorts of funny comments about teams versus real life as in I look tiny sitting down but am bigger than expected. In my experience people have gotten a bit more clumsy since teams usage became more prevalent.

English being a second language is key here- perhaps the words he used are not exact translations of the words he would have used in his first language. There's also possibly a cultural element. Personally I'd let it go.

You were joking about other people's looks but didn't like it when it was your turn.

That’s what happens when you have conversations about people’s appearance. As you were part of that convo I don’t think you have anything to complain about.

No. You were happy to discuss people's appearance until it became your turn. You haven't a leg to stand on here.

Inappropriate But I suspect he realised that as soon as he saw your reaction - hence the ‘it was a compliment, shows you looks youthful’.

Id say that I’d forget about it unless it happens again

Other colleagues suggested it might have come out harsher than he intended as English isn’t his first language

I suspect it was this, yes. I strongly doubt he meant it to sound rude.

This. It is a recipe for things to be said wrong, and best avoided in future.

Yep. Don't dish it out if you're not willing to take it.

I don’t think you should have joined in on the conversation at all if you were going to now complain when the comment was about you.
Being from a different country with a different culture myself, I’d lean towards it was a misplaced joke.

Yes I definitely was not the instigator of the conversation but I’ll put my hands up and say I did laugh along. It’s a pretty sensitive topic for me but I think commenters are right I doubt he meant any harm so will let it go.

What if one of your colleagues is sensitive about their height? You said you were joking about that. Or is it only jokes at your expense that can be deemed offensive? Talking about peoples appearances should be of the table anyways but seeing as it wasn't then,as a pp has said, don't dish out what you can take.

Well I didn’t personally make any comment about anyone’s height. My height was also commented on but I don’t take offence to that. To me there’s a difference commenting saying oh you’re a bit taller than I thought than oh you look fat but obviously the majority don’t agree.

You can't say their is a difference when you don't know people's insecurities