To be pissed off with SIL?

[Kitchi]

My baby is just one. SIL repeatedly annoyed me when the baby was a newborn by doing things like breathing heavily in her face (with rank cigarette breath, but it’s weird even with clean breath) and kissing her on the lips. Yesterday she put her lip balm on the baby (she doesn’t even have dry lips) and then gave her marshmallow, ripped with her teeth, repeatedly after I said no.

I don’t want her anywhere near BD now. SO thinks I’m overreacting. Am I?

I think this is going off topic a bit, the bottom line is that OP is uncomfortable with the marshmallow and felt that her boundary around her child was not respected/heard. What other people think about a one year old eating marshmallows/sugar is another debate!

Ffs, it was some marshmallow, not crack. Your toddler will be fine.

Sorry, reading that back I sounded snarkier than I intended- I just meant let’s not bogged down in the details that aren’t the crux of the issue

You are missing the point entirely. This is about SIL not respecting OP’s boundaries as a parent.

Yanbu.
She defied you.
She would not be near my baby again.

Her behaviour is really fxxked up.
I know on MN, posters love to make mothers feel they are precious, but I don't think your SIL's behaviour is normal.

Whatever her problems are, she wouldn't be near my baby.
I have 4 children and never came across even a hint of this sort of behaviour with family or friends.
Everyone is far too respectful of each other.
You are her mother, you get to decide.

And no I would not be giving marshmallow to a 1 year old.
Trust your gut OP.
Avoid family holidays if necessary.
I never did those either.

It's disgusting. I would be annoyed too

It's a choking hazard. I wouldn't have wanted anyone giving a baby of mine marshmallow either.

It's the fact that the SIL is ignoring the OP's not unreasonable requests that is the issue as well.

Who made you the thread, Police?

Marshmallow being a huge choking risk is something a lot of people don't know, it's an important fact to get out there,

....& as for marshmallow not being a sugary item🙄🙄🙄🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Exactly!!

I am astounded at how many people don't know that marshmallow is a huge choking risk in babies and small children.

I'm not saying SIL was right. She was wrong, no doubt. 100%. But continuing to refer to a walking child as a baby is an indication of infantilising a child. Which might be linked to the OP being a bit over anxious.

I’ve never heard of anyone suggesting someone is infantilising a just turned one year old before! Revolutionary thinking. Give the poor child a gin and tonic.

The little one has only just turned one & nowhere does it say she's walking? So I think baby is an okay description rather than toddler.

I can't be bothered going back through the messages, but you did say something about the sugar. Marshmallow is a hugely sugary item and it's fair enough not to give it to her baby toddler small child. Not to mention the huge choking risk, anyone stupid enough to give a child that age marshmallow would certainly not be having my child on their own.

And irrespective of what it was had, I just said no and they continued to give it to them anyway then I would definitely be looking at no restricting their access to my child.

So at least we can agree that SIL is in the wrong!!

You are making a massive assumption there. DD wasn't walking at one.

She turned one last week and is not walking.

A one year old should at a minimum be very near to walking. Cruising at the very least.

Not a massive assumption. Not a child in my family for 3 generations not to walk before 1.

No, I didn't mention sugar. But no, she shouldn't have sugar. IF anyone is giving sugar it should only be parents. Of course. Basic logic, but go on the attack if you want.

Edit to say, apparently I did! Apologies.

Marshmallows are not safe in any shape or size. It gets tacky and sticky when mixed with saliva and there is no back thrusting that out of someone’s airway. It will be stuck. It’s a hard no from me.

Thank you!!

But not all babies are walking at exactly 12 months old. I don't think that it is possible to infantilise a 12 month old child.

That sounds weirdly boastful. None of my three children walked before they were one. Even if OP's daughter is walking, OP referring to her as a baby rather than a toddler is fine and it doesn't make her SIL's behaviour any more reasonable or understandable.

Not wanting to distract from the real purpose of the post, but for some info about choking hazards, scroll to the guide at the bottom of the article, and go to page 9. https://www.thesaferfoodgroup.com/knowledge/the-safer-food-groups-guide-to-early-years-catering/

How is it boastful if it's factual? It's not as if it's a sign of intelligence. No correlation. Girls or boys, they all walked before 1. A walker is a toddler. As in toddling around. A non-walker can be a toddler. Cruising for example.

DD wasn't even cruising at 12 months.

Please stop making assumptions about other people's DC.

ASS/U/ME

If you assume you make an ass out of you and me.

Oh how original 🙄

I'm referring to most children. MOST children without developmental delay, by a year old are either walking or cruising. Of course, some aren't even by 2. But that isn't 'the norm'.

Only one ass involved in thinking a cliché is clever.