Been diagnosed with personality disorder

[MyElatedOliveMember]

I've got avoidant personality disorder and I feel so sad. I've got no close friends and hate having interactions with everyone. Can't see a way out. CBD therapist has referred me on. I've got a baby as well. Poor boy.

Everyone hates me as well. I get ignored by everyone

I am similar in real life and I feel justified in it because they could bring me some kind of trouble/stress.
Acknowledge your anxieties or they will get louder and unbearable and even nonsensical. I’ve heard the best way to make friends is through hobbies and you can set your own boundaries about what you’ll tolerate from others or what you want to share or get out of the friendship.
Do you avoid everyone all the time or is it just personal interactions/making close friends. do you take your baby to groups to “socialise” with other babies/children/adults.
Don’t flame or hate me for this I have the best intentions. if you don’t feel like you can socialise with anyone at all or allow your baby to interact with others then you can’t meet your child’s developmental needs because of your condition you can always give them to someone else to look after like a family member even just until you get better

Sorry you don't understand the disorder

Do you socialize with your baby? Have friends?

I am sure that her baby will be fine. They will meet people at nursery and school and hobbies and so on. I grew up with immigrant parents who didn't know many people and I made friends at school and so on.

Hopefully it's not genetic and was just because my parents didn't help my emotional needs

Is the baby’s dad involved?

Yeah from what I’ve read that’s what causes the disorder, experiences in childhood. I tried to sensitively word my comment but maybe I’m bad at that, either way because of your disorder you will take everything as an attack, I don’t get paid enough (at all) for what you need which is professional input from someone that understands

I'm sorry, it's very frightening to get diagnosed with a personality disorder. Do you have any idea about how you want to move forward?

So educate people. Explain why she's wrong/not helpful etc. MN isn't a medical site, a lot of people won't have heard of someone's disorder or know anything about it, but they'll still do whatever they can to try to help.

There's a MH section of the forum if you wanted to post there too. And parenting sections if your post was mainly about how to help your child. You might find those sections more helpful.

It's upto you though, I'm not saying you can't/shouldn't post here. AIBU can be quite a harsh and argumentative section of the forum though. I'm not sure if you're looking for "tea and sympathy" but if you are it might not be the best section to post in.

I've be3n diagnosed with EUPD (formerly known as Borderline PD, but its no longer used), Avoidant PD, Obsessive Compulsive PD and Schizotypal PD. I've also been diagnosed with Bipolar.

The personality disorders were diagnosed from one SCID form, and having finally being referred to specialist treatment for PDs, it seems as if I may not have them at all, but I'm still waiting for a proper diagnosis.

I did go to groups when my second was a baby (I wasn't in the MH service with DC 1, so went under the radar). I found it difficult, excruciating really, but managed to find a couple of friends I gelled with.

DC is older now, so I've reverted back into being reclusive.

It's a horrible label to have in your file. I'm still very avoidant of social situations, but you can do it.

Try lots of different baby groups. I had to try quite a few before I found one I was comfortable at. I also had a couple of friends who I'd meet up with and take the babies to the parks, etc.

Don't worry too much about socialisation, as it's as much for the mums as the babies, and they're soon at nursery, so the pressure is off.

Another thing I liked was bounce and rhyme at the library. It allowed baby to be with others and have fun, without the pressure od small talk. We also learnt the songs and actions, so did them at home too.

Good luck

Pas I edited as I haven't got my reading glasses on and missed the PD. Avoidant isn't the worse one, but I do know how scary it feels, to have to be in situations that make you uncomfortable. Think of it as the same as taking baby to have its jabs or something, not fun, but necessary. It does become easier as they grow, promise.

I’m a clinical psychologist and mental
health teams are moving away from
the diagnosis of ‘personality disorder.’ The personality or symptoms you have developed are likely due to a trauma response, this is how you’ve learned to cope with trauma basically. You are not stuck with this label, it’s changeable and you can’t directly pass it on to your baby. Who diagnosed you?

Really? My new psychiatrist recently diagnosed me with the help of a SCID form, and then spent the whole appointment talking about personality disorders, then referred me on. The fact that I'd been seeing different psychiatrists, every few months, for 15 years, due to Bipolar, was forgotten, and he seemed happy to diagnose me with several, meaning the CMHT no longer had to treat me, as personality disorders are not within their remit, so I got referred elsewhere.

This is the most forward thinking thing I’ve read on the issue yet. I firmly agree it’s trauma response and can be changed.

That sounds really tough, OP. I know some people have strong views on childcare, but there is absolutely no shame in acknowledging your limitations as a parent and using the options available. If interacting with people is hard, then it’s perfectly reasonable to pop your son in childcare 3-5 days per week so he has that environmental stimulation and interaction with other people. It doesn’t have to come from you right now, which gives you time to address that trauma.

What a shame, unfortunately many
psychiatrics are still using the diagnosis and in my opinion over diagnose people with personality disorders. Their training does not consider the effects of trauma very well and they typically focus on diagnosis/ medication rather than looking at the person holistically. It can create problems with being treated appropriately as many services won’t accept someone with a PD and they get moved on. Do you agree with the diagnosis? Does it help you access the services you want?

Have a look here

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/personality-disorder/why-is-personality-disorder-controversial/

Yes it definitely can be changed if the person has insight and can access/ engage in therapy. It’s hard to do but not impossible.

Sorry if this is unhelpful OP, but I’ve heard that autistic women may sometimes first be misdiagnosed with a personality disorder.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11001629/