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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD best friend leaving

15 replies

Purtyburty · 16/04/2025 20:23

DD age 4 is extremely sensitive and introverted. It has been a tough couple of years with socialisation to the point where we couldn’t go to any classes or playgroups as she was seemingly frightened of other children. She was home with me full time and at 3.5 I put her into pre school part time as the jump to full time reception I thought would be too big if she had not been anywhere other than with me. She has made brilliant progress after one major wobble a couple of months in. She even has a best friend and they are together all day every day and have similar temperaments. This has really changed DDs happiness at school. It was almost as though she always wanted to interact but just couldn’t bring herself to. Anyway just found out that this other little girl is going somewhere else for reception. I feel so sad for DD as they split pre school into two classes for reception and match them up with their friends. We just assumed they would be together. I know she is only 4 and has the rest of her life to make friends but I just feel so sad and really felt that this friendship would support her transition to full time reception. I also can’t tell DD as the parents have decided not to tell their DD she is moving as to not confuse her.

OP posts:

parietal · 16/04/2025 20:26

it is sad but your DD will recover quicker than you think.

my DD at age 7 was very quiet but had a 'best friend' for a year. The friend then left to move to the USA. A few weeks into the new term, DD had a new group of friends and learnt to get on well with a wider variety of kids.

so it can work out fine.

ecuse · 16/04/2025 20:26

That's really hard and I'm sad for your little one but I'm pretty confident she'll be okay. I'd be tempted to tell her a little bit but not too much in advance of starting so she doesn't ruminate on it and work herself up but also she isn't confused on Day 1. IME the first week is such a whirlwind of excitement and meeting new people she'll probably be fine...the anticipation will be worse than the event IYSWIM? And maybe make sure you have a play date in the diary with the friend for a week or two after term starts?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/04/2025 20:27

Could you do playdates ?

daytime when neither are at Nursery
i.e. in Easter holidays / half term and Summer

or after Nursery i.e. play and stay for tea ?

whilst it's not great at least she would still have a friend until she makes some in Reception

Original poster

Purtyburty · 16/04/2025 20:28

I think the majority of pre school will make up the reception classes so not many new starters who aren’t already there.

play dates are a possibility except they are moving and that is why she no longer will go to that school. It is too far away.

OP posts:

Springisroundthecorner88484848 · 16/04/2025 20:29

We moved about 90 miles just before DD started in reception. She had been at her nursery since she was 6 months old and around and best friends with the same people. It’s been a year and a half now and she can’t even remember their names or pick them out of a photo!
Its the best time to be honest, as starting school will be filled with excitement and meeting new people and having fun, she probably won’t even notice that the friend isn’t there.

Springisroundthecorner88484848 · 16/04/2025 20:31

Also I think they are foolish not telling her they are moving, DD was an August baby, so turned 4 seven days before she started school. We moved in the July, she was well aware of the move, and that we were selling our house and that we’d been moving to a different area. Gives children more time to prepare themselves for it!

Moonnstars · 16/04/2025 20:34

Friendships change constantly. My daughter's best friends from nursery were in her class but they all ended up in different friendship groups. My daughter was then in the same friendship group from reception til around year 3 but then switched to a different group in year 4.
I am sure your daughter will soon adjust.

QuickPeachPoet · 16/04/2025 20:35

4 is far too young for ‘best friends’ and it is not healthy to encourage this.
She will make many friends throughout her childhood

Original poster

Purtyburty · 16/04/2025 20:38

QuickPeachPoet · 16/04/2025 20:35

4 is far too young for ‘best friends’ and it is not healthy to encourage this.
She will make many friends throughout her childhood

Genuinely thank you for giving my head a wobble I need it!

OP posts:

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 16/04/2025 20:43

I know it seems like a big deal right now but honestly at 4 she will quickly make other friends once she starts reception. There will also probably be kids joining from full time nursery etc who she is yet to meet.

she’s only 4, try not to stress

QuickPeachPoet · 16/04/2025 20:48

Purtyburty · 16/04/2025 20:38

Genuinely thank you for giving my head a wobble I need it!

Show quote history

honestly OP. You will soon see the nature of girly friendships. New 'best friends' all the time. 'I don't have a best friend'. 'You're not my best friend anymore'.
So many tears. And they say girls are easier...

icecreamisforwintertoo · 16/04/2025 20:56

Awww I get this. Although in some ways better now than later.
my dd had a best friend she was very attached to through nursery who was in her reception class then moved away at the end of year 1. We were gutted but it was actually really good for her as she made a much broader range of friends afterwards. She still sees and writes to the friend who moved away too.

SnoozingFox · 16/04/2025 21:03

Who was your "best friend" when you were 4, @Purtyburty ? I bet you can't even remember. And your best friend when you are 5 or 6 isn't the same person as is your friend when you are 15 or 16, or 25 or 26.

Eenameenadeeka · 16/04/2025 23:13

She will be okay, she will make new friends. I get why you feel sad but she will settle in and make friends in her own time.

Endofyear · 16/04/2025 23:24

Your little one will be fine and will make new friends. But it's a good thing to encourage your DD to be friends with lots of children and not encourage an intense close 'best friend' in Primary - it's putting all your eggs in one basket! If/when they have a falling out, it can leave the child isolated. When she starts Reception, invite lots of different friends to play or to meet up in the park.

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