Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is a hypocrite

18 replies

itsawfhone88 · 16/04/2025 18:54

Not sure if its the right word but this is really bugging me!

I have always had a desk job, and wfh 2-3 days a week since covid. Dh up until recently has had a more manual job, think electrician, but has worked shifts, a combination of earlies, lates and nights. He has always had a lot of time off as well because of how his shifts have worked, and generally apart from the odd weekend and night shifts, worked 7 hour days.

I do however appreciate nights and swapping shifts is difficult.

Dh has always moaned if I ever go to do any work in the evening. Its not every night but we have 2 young children as well and when he was on shifts I would do the majority of drop offs and picks up so some days I hadn't always finished my work before needing to leave and my line manager was always happy for me to leave/log off a bit early knowing I would finish work later etc

Dh has always said that an office job isn't stressful and that i should always just log off when I'm done and log on the next day as he hates me working in the evening. We have had massive rows about it.

Money wise we earn about the same, DH slightly more but that's due to the fact he can do overtime etc

Dh now has an office job. Has had for the last 6 months. Constantly moans about how stressful it is. How he has to work extra in the evenings sometimes. How hard it is staring at a screen for 7 hours (still does shorter days than me 7-2 most days)

He has to go into the office most days. Comes home at 2 and has a nap, so I'm still doing school runs.

This week he has worked every evening for at least 2 hours. But then moaned when I needed to log on for 10 minutes to finish something yesterday.

It is driving me mad. But when I called him out on it was told because I WFH I have it easier.

Oh and when I'm wfh I'm also expected to do all school runs, the washing, empty the dishwasher, make all lunches, including his, sort the bins out and look after the eldest during school holidays (youngest still at nursery!)

OP posts:
OneQuirkyPanda · 16/04/2025 18:56

Sounds like he’s just a selfish lazy twat, looking for any excuse to get out of pulling his weight.

GoingRoundThatBlockAgain · 16/04/2025 19:01

Comes home at 2 and has A NAP?? While you rush home from work or leave your WFH desk and do school pick up? What a lazy knob.

MrsClatterbuck · 16/04/2025 19:03

Why are you making his lunch?

Blanca87 · 16/04/2025 19:03

You really don’t need to put up with any of that. You get one life and all that jazz.

shoofly · 16/04/2025 19:06

Honestly he has no respect for any work that you do. He has a big important man job, and yours us a fluffy woman job which is meant to fit round him, the kids and the house.

Selfish twat tbh

cordeliavorkosigan · 16/04/2025 19:08

Office job is only hard when he has to do it??!
That would give me the rage I'm afraid. And the NAP?
Wow.

BillyBoe46 · 16/04/2025 19:11

He is a lazy wanker. He doesn't value you or your contribution. His life will always be harder than your's. That's how he justifies not pulling his weight with the parenting and the household. His life is so much harder than yours how dare you expect him to do the laundry.

pecanpie101 · 16/04/2025 19:17

Jeez, he sounds a charmer.
Why are you allowing this sort of behaviour? You deserve better OP!

itsawfhone88 · 16/04/2025 19:19

@shoofly has it in one . He thinks I just sit and answer a few emails and wiggle a mouse about where as I'm actually quite a senior manager. But obviously his is more important

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 16/04/2025 19:22

Why on earth are you making his lunch?! He sounds lazy and obnoxious

Gymnopedie · 16/04/2025 19:35

Yes he's a hypocrite.

He's also:

a bully
selfish
misogynistic
an arsehole

He's got you well trained so far to think of him as big man with big job, but now your eyes are opening to what he really is. I wouldn't talk to him, I'd have a blazing row, but maybe that's just me.

AffIt · 16/04/2025 19:38

Why are you making his lunch? And he has a NAP?

Fucking hell, mate.

gamerchick · 16/04/2025 19:44

Stop doing shit for him, he can make his own lunch.

Also tell him that if you can't work evenings then neither can he and to shut his fucking yap about it

gamerchick · 16/04/2025 19:45

The problem is with this kind of man, is they want the traditional set up and also the 2 incomes. It's a total piss take and women put up with it? Why?

SparklyBrickViper · 16/04/2025 19:53

Wouldn’t it be better if he stayed later than 2pm and got things finished?

Stop making lunch, start a rota for school pickups.

Planetmonster · 16/04/2025 19:56

Jesús you must be a saint ! He sounds like a total nob. Has he any self awareness at all?

not really sure where yoy go from here. Stop making his lunch? Draw up a rota? Point out ‘yes we are both in office jobs’

god how do you put up with it? Not sexy at all. Urgh

Mistressofnone · 19/04/2025 19:53

Sorry you are dealing with this OP. My DH isn’t so extreme but I like to finish projects in the evening too when the house is quiet and no interruptions with calls or meetings. He often asks ‘are you nearly done?’ or ‘everything alright in there?’ in an overly concerned tone. It’s a weird unnecessary pressure. I genuinely enjoy work though.. maybe he can’t understand why. And he gets the TV to himself so what’s the problem!

Notmyrealname22 · 19/04/2025 21:57

shoofly · 16/04/2025 19:06

Honestly he has no respect for any work that you do. He has a big important man job, and yours us a fluffy woman job which is meant to fit round him, the kids and the house.

Selfish twat tbh

Bingo! I came here to say exactly this.

in his eyes, you are less than him and your work is less import than his simply because you are a woman.

You need to have a serious talk to him about his attitude.

You also need to re-distribute the family duties. If he is coming home at 2 and having a nap, he’s got time to pickup the kids. That’s f-ing ridiculous and entitled of him. He also has time to cook, clean and do laundry.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page