Leaving my partner that isn’t my son’s dad, please help!

[joelphill]

Please be kind!
So for context my son’s biological father hasn’t been in his life since he was 2 due to addiction and even when he was it wasn’t consistent.
I met my partner in work, we became fwb at first then feelings developed this was over the span of 6mnth-1 year. He’s very quickly became a massive person in mine and my son’s life, it moved very fast from there, to him staying over the night then to moving in. He’s been in my sons life since he was 2 and a half and he’s nearly 5 now(my boy is a very intelligent and clicked on kid) back last yesr on Father’s Day my son asked if he could call my partner dad which he has since. My issue is that my partner is a wonderful father just not a very good partner, we are still having arguments about communication and issue that haven’t changed since we have got together, 2 weeks ago we had a big argument about communication and I feel like I just broke, I always have to be the one to cry or get loud for him to talk to me or even entertain how I’m feeling, I’m starting to feel like I’m falling out of love with him, how do I navigate this situation without messing my son up, I can’t stay with him just because my son calls him dad but how do I end it without my son feeling like he’s been abandoned, please some advice would be amazing!
thank you in advance!

Would your DP go to relationship counselling with you?

I very much doubt it, honestly I think it’s even gone past that point for me, I’m just so worried about messing my son up

I’m sorry I understand you love your boyfriend but he is a grown man with a child and HE is responsible for taking care of said child ie putting a roof over his head, feeding him and so on. Not you. I get not wanting to kick him out but him threatening you with just going back to his ex is unacceptable. the whole situation is unacceptable. You only have 2 choices here. It’s up to you. You can live in this misery with them taking over your place or you can give him a week and tell him he needs to find somewhere to go by then. And this may not end well. I do feel for you. Does he have parents who can take them in? Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

Wrong thread?

@joelphill I think you just need to be upfront in an age appropriate way. It will be hard but you’ll both work through it.

Practical suggestions … see if you can find some children’s books that tackle the subject, lots of reassurance that it’s not his fault, agreement from your stbx that you minimize the impact on your son, some sort of plan for a graceful exit by your stbx from your son’s life.