Getting judged for wanting to put twins into nursery

[Chocstrawberry1]

I am asking this on behalf of my friend (she doesn’t have a MN acc)

She has 13 month old twins and obviously they are a handful. Her DH works FT and recently she’s shut herself off from everyone (even me until now) and she’s been really depressed.
She has expressed wanting to put the twins into nursery 2 days a week within the next 6 months and she work part time. She is south Asian and she has been saying her in-laws and extended family members have been making remarks about her not being a full time SAHM and the kids should be with the mum all the time. She feels she will be ostracised if she puts them in nursery part time but she is really struggling with them at home. I help her when I can but I can see myself it’s a lot for her.

She wants to know if she’s being unreasonable wanting to put the twins into nursery 2 days when they’re around 18 months? Or should she wait until they start school?

Poor woman. When you're a mum you get judged whatever you do. My twins went to nursery 4 days a week at 9 months old as it was the only way I could keep my career and I had no family help. Reassure her there's no right and wrong. There's only what's right for her. I'm glad her husband is supportive too. Twins is a lot and it's not easy x

She should get them in ASAP.

Does she want to be a SAHM? Or is she only doing it for cultural reasons? She should get herself back to work if that's what she wants too.

My twins were yeeted into nursery ASAP. 😂

I think your friend should do what is best for her . She can’t continue if she is so overwhelmed. It will probably open up a whole new world for the twins and they can mix with other children instead of relying on each other. I would tell her to do it.

Please tell your friend she's an absolute HERO! Being a SAHM is rewarding but not easy especially with twins. Putting them in nursery will be great for them and will give her the break she needs for her mental health. She can use those days to rest,do a hobby etc. With regards to what her family says she should simply ignore them or have boundaries to politely shut it down. For her inlaws it would be even better if her DH can stand up to them to shut down their unnecessary comments. There is no award for being a mum martyr, she's wearing the shoe and knows where it hurts most.

I don't think anyone waits until their dcs are school aged these days, sahm or not. DCs get nursery hours from age 3 (and maybe earlier these days) so no need to wait that long.

I have 2 dcs but not twins, and they each started pt nursery aged 2.5, which was the age I felt most comfortable with, because they were very verbal and talking in sentences by that age, and fully toilet trained and independent. I'm a sahm and if I wanted childcare at an earlier age I would have opted for a nanny, as it would give them the benefit of one to one care (well not for twins, but it would be what they are used to at home) and they could take them to a wider range of activities like toddler classes and soft plays. What other forms of childcare has she considered apart from a nursery?

Are the family members willing to look after the kids instead? If not, they have no right to an opinion. I can understand her concern as they are quite young, but if she waits until about 16/18 months they'll probably really enjoy it and they'll also have each other. Tell her to visit some places so she can get a feel for the different ones and so she can see if they'll suit