To think you find out who really carers when the chips are down

[Conistonhawks]

I know I have already written a post about being in hospital. I have been in since Friday and will be in two weeks in total but will be going home during the day this weekend.

however- not one of my so called mates has been to see me despite them all living 20 minutes away at the most. I do have friends further afield but I would not expect them to come. However a text would be nice.

I have one friend who rings me regularly at 3 o clock in the morning sobbing about things yet I have not even got a text off her while I have been in.

only 2 friends have messaged me and then only once. Most of them are off work this week for Easter.

my inlaws have not come either despite living five minutes away. One of my brothers has been to see me the other has not even texted me.

my husband, son and mum have all been great but it is too much to expect an effort from others. Is this a sign to not be there as much for them in future and not put myself out.

Wrong. She is asking for people to maybe message or visit. Not offer enduring support. And her friends have been shocking.

I hope you don’t think I’m mean or intrusive asking this but I would like to know if you are in for 2 weeks but allowed home during the day at the weekend, maybe your friends haven’t visit because they know you’re not horrendously unwell? I do think they should of messaged you though!

But sometimes friends are your family.

my actual family are awful

Selfish thoughtless people!
That’s just horrid.
Sending hugs and an end in sight 🌺🌷

I don’t think this is true. Im quite rigorous about only keeping healthy friendships and I’ve not found myself lonely at all. However this doesn’t mean dismissing everyone with no chances, so if you were also struggling I wouldn’t expect you to put me first, though it might be nice if we could chat and commiserate over our various issues. I’ve got no time for stuff like the pp and the nephews Christianing bollocks, thats just poor form and would be the last time I stepped up for them.

Seriously ? You think a text or a call to check in is asking too much? Blimey, in my world that's the minimum I would expect from a friend. I would first have called the husband to see if they needed help with anything practical and see with him which hours to call etc. Then I would call my friend and offer to visit (not everyone wants visits in hospital, I don't).

Adding to my comment, I wouldn’t expect people to visit me in hospital if I was in for a couple of weeks. I wouldn’t expect people to juggle Easter holidays with their kids to make time to come in and see me if I was in for 14 days but allowed home at the weekend.

I would absolutely expect texts to check in, even a couple of messages to check in would be enough.

I wish you well with what ever is going on xx

Yes your not wrong, you find out whose there in bad times.

I don’t think it’s necessarily about needing them to be there for support.

I’m too far for most people to visit.

But it’s the fact that people drop into radio silence, as if being in hospital/ill means you don’t actually exist.

There’s an approximately 10% I won’t be coming home, and I would bet money those same people will be on facebook “grieving” my demise. When in life they couldn’t be bothered to even send a text.

I answered above but I was out on a walk and thinking about this after and was thinking that it might not be the real friends getting in touch, more the people who are good at that sort of thing. Like the people you know that go to every funeral, send Christmas cards etc etc. they hear someone has something going on and they ‘pencil them in’ so to speak. It also reminded me of my mum, who is all about not bothering people, giving them space etc etc. I remember arguing over it and telling her people would just think she didn’t care. She said she was there for them when they wanted her and couldn’t see my pov. Just some food for thought

That and a newborn baby

Where were the visitors??

This. When I was in hospital last for longer than an overnight, I was feeling vulnerable and weak, and the last thing I wanted was anyone else around. I can’t stand fuss. I appreciate other people are different, but I do think you need to ask explicitly for what you need.

Shen I was going through cancer treatment, what I thought were my closest friends seemed to disappear off the face of the earth was really tough being ghosted and going through that, but I had support and kindness from the most unexpected people, really helped me reevaluate life after,

I wouldn’t expect friends to visit me in hospital, just partner kids and maybe a sibling. If they are good friends they should be checking in by message though.

I am so sorry. I hope you make it home and can tell these people to get out of your life

Not all of us have family.

I treated my friend like my family. She clearly felt more like you and didn’t want to be bothered with me. Perhaps she forgot the time she didn’t have a partner and family to support her but she did have me.

I think people just have too much going on in their own lives to find time come and visit. The visiting hours are usually mid afternoon or around dinner time which doesn’t help. I can’t say I would be rushing to a hospital if I didn’t need to.
Presumably your friends who booked half term off have kids (?).

The only person I’ve ever visited in hospital was my sister when she gave birth.

Thank you.

TBH I probably just won’t bother with them any more.

That is sad but in truth, it’s very rare to have friends that are truly like family. People say the phrase but there’s a reason why animals breed and produce their own family. There is a bond there that just doesn’t exist for most friendships.

As someone said before it’s not so much the visiting it’s the not getting in touch. It’s take 30 seconds if that to send a text. Before I came in here I had what I considered 8 good friends.
2 have messaged me. I actually messaged three oh clock lady the second afternoon saying i was feeling a bit down as she does this to me at 3 in the morning. Took her 2 days reply saying she was sorry she has been so busy with her kid off school. Her kid goes back on Friday so it will be interesting to see if she messages me a bit more. Not holding my breath.