Affair

[trustedfriend]

I know someone whose husband is having an affair. The cheating husband is the principal of a catholic college & retiring this year. Should I expose his affair as several people are now aware of it or just ignore? I would have to do this anonymously if I did as I don’t want to be caught in the crossfire. If it was me I would want to know.

The problem with doing it anonomously is that it can look fake, and is also pretty shitty for the wife, she will be looking at everyone in her life wondering who knows.

What proof do you have to show her?

I wouldn’t, especially as you want to do it anonymously. I think that would be quite cruel for the wife to find out that way. She’s the one that will be hurt, not the cheat.

Also you need to know with 100% certainty, rather than going on gossip or stirring. And the only 100% proof would be if you caught them in bed together, which is unlikely.

It’s a good idea to expose wrong doing. The less it is silently ignored, the less it will happen.

I’d say you’re exposed it already. This post is very outing cos of the detail, wonder how many principles of a catholic college are retiring this year?

I agree. A quick google of the details provided throws up only one possibility; initials A.H. from DS. @trustedfriend if these initials and the school name are familiar, I'd say you've already outed the Head to the entire internet, let alone his wife, and should probably ask for this thread to be deleted!

The ‘mistress’ has told me all the details/facts so I am 100% certain. To be a principal of a catholic college you have to have some high morals & live with your actions which have consequences. He could tell her himself & be honest but I doubt that will happen. I feel sorry for her not knowing after they have been together for so long.

No, those initials are not linked to this person at all & a google search didn’t give anything relevant away when I looked. It’s highly unlikely they would even be reading this thread so the chances of anyone making a link are very very small. I Really am not being malicious & most likely will not do anything with the information as I would be the villain & not him. So maybe I just ignore it & turn a blind eye. It would break a lot of friendships if it was to be discovered.

You are being malicious though. I don’t know what consequences he may face with work. But getting sacked shortly before retirement will be catastrophic financially.

Beak out on this one.

I don’t think any good will come of you anonymously outing this person, since it may seem like unfounded gossip.

There is always one person to be hostile! The whole point of my post was because it is a dilemma & the affair may be exposed regardless of me as I’m not the only one who knows about it. It was merely to see if it was fair to give the wife the heads up. He should have thought about the consequences before starting an affair in his position & time of life.

It's not you though, so keep out of it or if you have to out him at least have the courage of your convictions and put your name to it. It's only fair that you own it if you're going to cause a hoo ha over something that is none of your business

So the ‘mistress’ has told you? 1. She might be lying, 2. I assume if she’s being truthful you are her friend? So, you also want to throw her under the bus with your “gotcha” moment?

I see the hostile keyboard warriors are out!
I was after advice what was best to do as no doubt it will get back eventually not necessarily through me. It’s not a matter of Getting one over on someone, it was concern for the wife.

If you're concerned about the wife then have a face to face conversation with her and tell her what this woman has told you.

Don't send anonomous messages or letters or whatever you were planning.

She deserves some respect.

Why? Are you an investigative journalist or something?

Most of us see other people doing things we don't like or approve of every single day. Unless it's illegal, the correct thing to do is mind your own business.

I mean what's your plan...send anonymous emails to the chair of governors and his wife??

That's not normal behaviour. Whatever anyone else has done such actions wreak havoc and chaos for so so many people.

You're coming across as being motivated by vengeance not compassion and actions rooted in such motivations are to be avoided.

I would take a hard look at yourself and ask what your motives for doing this particularly as you want to do it anonymously.

You have no idea if the mistress is telling the truth or not. Stay out of it.

Maybe she was lying?

Sending an anonymous message is weak to be honest. If you’re going to get involved in someone else’s business that you know nothing about really other than one-sided gossip and assumed truths from the so-called affair partner then you need to own that decision and deal with the consequences.
People always talk about cheaters having their cake and eating it too, well the same goes for you. You either tell the wife everything you’ve been told personally, or you don’t. But staying anonymous to protect yourself from any backlash is like having your cake and eating it too.

If the mistress is goi g around gossiping about her affair I would suspect that she wants the affair unveiled. The wife will find out sooner or later. If she’s a friend just be there for her. I would very much be minding my own business in this scenario.

It’s nearly Easter, so how about two quotations from the relevant spiritual authority

‘Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone’

’Judge not,,lest you be judged’

I think you’d have to have some sort of proof to send the wife for her to take it seriously. I can totally see why you’d want to tell her, and if it was me I’d want to know.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer on this one. Just consequences of your actions/ inactions. It’s the consequences of your actions/ inactions that you will have to live with.

If something is reasonably common knowledge I'd assume the wife already knows and is okay with it, or knows on one level at least and probably won't thank you for drawing her attention to it.

Only 14 in the country!