To be scared he'll die soon

[LoveFridaynight]

I lost my lovely mum two months ago. She was an incredible mum, the best. Even towards the end, as recently as January she was the one we turned to, the one who was there for us. After a bad fall which resulted in hospital she went downhill quickly and her dementia became much worse. Towards the very very end (48 hours before she died) she was barely conscious.
My parents have been married 55 years and my dad had taken on a slight caring role with my mum due to her dementia and lack of mobility (she could walk round the house but only with support)
Since her funeral I have become really really worried about him. He is still doing things like eating, showering, doing the garden but he's not right. He's so quiet. He does engage with the grandchildren but not on the level he did before. He used to walk to the local shops daily but hadn't done this for 2 months now.
My sister is living with him so he's not alone but I have this real fear he's going to die soon. I think he doesn't know what to do without my mum.
Does anyone understand this fear? Did you feel the same when you lost one parent. My dad isn't young (80) so I know he won't live forever but if I lost him now it would destroy me. I know no-one can stop him from dying if that's what happens but I need to know if I'm being ridiculous. Does it sound from what I've written he's okay or should I be more worried, maybe go and see him more than twice a week.

He's grieving his life partner. Of course he's not the same. It's normal and natural for him to be quiet, not himself, less engaged in other things and you haven't mentioned anything that would indicate he's really not coping.

I think this anxiety at the moment is more about you than about him. I mean, I can't see the future, and at his age nobody can ever really guarantee tomorrow, but nothing you've said indicates that his health is deteriorating or he might not have long. I think you probably need to talk to someone about your own grief and anxieties following your mum's death.

This is normal for you and for him.

Take time to grieve. Support him to find his way.

I'm sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry about you Mum OP.

I understand your fear.

He is naturally grieving the loss of his wife and life partner is so many years.
It's such a big adjustment for him.

At the moment he must be feeling he has lost his reason for living.

All you and your family can do is try and support him and encourage him to take as much interest in the life that's going on around him as he can.

I think this is actually what I think. That he feels he's lost his reason for living. They were never really apart in the years after he gave up work.
Before my mum died I'd never seen him cry before. I understand he's grieving obviously and he does live in a small place so perhaps he worries about seeing people he knows and being used if they mention my mum.
I just can't shake this worry and fear. Even though you know your parents won't live forever it's fucking horrendous when they die.

It sounds like your dad is doing well, getting up and showered and getting on with things. But he is grieving and he's allowed to grieve, he needs time and space to come to terms with his loss. Just be there to support him and tell him how much you love him and that you feel lucky to still have him. Grief is tiring, like carrying a great weight around with you. Maybe he just doesn't have the energy for his usual walk to the shops. Maybe you can offer to take him out and about a bit more? Shopping and a coffee out, walk round the Garden Centre or just a trip to a local park/woods/lake to sit in nature for a while can be very restorative.

He’s probably ok but he sounds very much like my fil. He was actually quite a big personality and always the centre of everything. He was caring for my mil as well and when she died he was still out and about doing things and he’d turn up at family events and come for tea but it was like he was going through the motions. I asked him about it and he told me he felt guilty and sad when he saw everyone. Normally he’d go home with mil and they’d chat about the grandkids and what they’d done and he couldn’t anymore. However, he did very suddenly become ill and die about 8 months after mil from an aggressive cancer we didn’t know he had. I think he’d ignored some things because he’d been busy caring for mil. I would definitely spend as much time as possible and try and encourage him to keep an eye on his health/ visit his GP