6 year old birthday party, help!

[lallala]

My DS would like a small bday party this year (as opposed to a big class one), just in our house with something like 6 or 7 children. He wants to invite all the "wild" boys (his words not mine!). I don't want to be engineering certain friendships but there is one boy who really has a very difficult behaviour- he's rude, can be quite rough with the other kids, got absolutely no manners, the list goes on. He caused absolute havoc at the last birthday party in a church hall, it was carnage. My DS is somewhat fascinated by him and absolutely wants to invite him, but I am dreading having him in my house. AIBU to say he cannot come? I don't want to get too involved in his friendships on the one side, but on the other I don't want that boy to wreck my house!

I’ve had no problem in discouraging certain friendships with my ds. I certainly wouldn’t allow such a child in my home and would be honest with my dc in an age appropriate way. How else would they know how to choose good friends? There was such a child who was like this and I spoke to ds about forming any close friendship with him as he took a liking to ds.

Thank you so much! Well that's it, I just don't see the benefit of being friends with him. When he plays with that boy my sons behaviour goes rapidly downhill- it's really difficult to discourage this friendship as they seem to really like each other... you are right about the age-appropriate way of talking to him about it- I will try and make him understand!

I think it's fine to engineer friendships in this kind of situation. There's a boy in my son's class who right from reception has been mean to other children, hitting them, swearing etc and I've always told my son to stay away from him and not be friends with him. I wouldn't invite the child you are worried about to your house in your situation.

Thank you so much. I will try and bring it home to him that that boy is just not very nice...it's one of those where it's like, that boy is really good at "boyish" stuff and all the boys kind of look up to him, but he's just a bit too mischievous and wild to encourage a friendship...

It really is ok to steer your kids away from children who you think are not good for them. This particular child i discouraged my ds from when he was around 6 as well, we had him over for a play date. He was so badly behaved, rude and just never a child I would want to be around. I sat ds down and pointed out the things this child did and my dc even said he wouldn’t do that at home let alone someone else’s house. Then he told me about the things he gets in trouble for at school and I asked ds if he thinks any of that is ok. It made ds think and he moved on from that child. Many years on and the boy is very problematic at school so I’m glad I stepped in. Sometimes you have to step in and guide them because how else would they know.

I would happily engineer this one and not invite. My son has a couple of friends I wouldn't want in our house, and I do try to discourage friendship with them when he mentions things they've done that have upset him or others. (One of them has been suspended for hurting others twice and they're only in Y1.)

I'm hoping as he gets older he'll become a bit more discerning, but suspect that might take some years yet! Let's face it, the kids who behave badly are fascinating to other children.

It's an easy decision to make. He spoiled last year's party so why should he be invited to this one?

In fairness, my little boy wasn't the best behaved at a party before either, which resulted in a massive loss of privileges so he didn't do it again! Whereas the boy in question just doesn't get any consequences and his mum is like "well he's only 5" which I just don't think is very good

This is so true isn't it! There is a girl- equivalent in that class of one queen bee who bosses everyone around, but still the girls all want to be their best friend. The playground politics truly are mind-boggling.

If he really wants him there find a venue like laser quest or soft play for older kids and book there.

I wouldn't be have 7 or 8 wild boys in my home unless you have a large garden and and hire a bouncy castle to keep them entertained.

Gosh yes that's true. It might be a better idea to do that actually. We have a trampoline but that's probably really dangerous in terms of someone getting hurt isn't it! I personally much prefer smaller in-house parties than these big ones in a soft play so I was quite happy when my son suggested it. But you are right, it might be a recipe for disaster!

Take them to the cinema. Seated and quiet 😁

That'd be great but my little boy is a ball of energy, he really needs to run it all off :D

obviously you get to ultimately chose whose invited by if it was my son I would let him chose.
Firstly I think it’s a bit pointless, 95 % of the friendship forming is being done at school so you won’t really be having much of an impact by not having him at this one party for a couple of hours.
Also I think it’s a bit mean, 5/6 year olds are a bit wild and overexcitable especially at parties, doesn’t mean their horrible children and won’t grow out of it.

Bowling went down well with my son at that age.

Absolutely discourage friendships! Not quite the same but there is one of my son’s classmates who lives next door but one. Cute kid, like the mum but the dad is awful. Always smoking, drunk, swears, never seems to wear a top, letcherous around women and so my son can only play with this child at our house. I have explained it’s because the dad has bad behaviours that I don’t want my son around. I’d absolutely do the same with a badly behaved kid.

I totally hear what you are saying, that's it, in that age they are certainly a bit wild and my son is no exception- it's just that when these two are together the behaviour gets amplified and really hard to manage and contain. Also I think the difference is that that boy is really quite mean and lacks manners, so he is definitely not the best influence, if that makes sense. But then as you say, me discouraging it might just make it more interesting for my son!