Husband failed interview for own job, panicking!

[UpsetAtInterview]

Name changed for this one. My husband has been on fixed term contracts for 4 years and interviews came up for permanent positions. He placed high in last years interviews and just missed out on a job, but the wait list ran out so there was a new round in interviews. He was in a pissy mood leading up to it, annoyed at having to re-interview again. He just found out he failed the interview. We're now facing a cliff edge financially as we can't get by on just my wage and his contract finishes in 6 weeks.

I'm so angry at him. I was the breadwinner until our first child turned two. Then he got this job and it was great, he doubled his salary just as the cost of living increase hit so we were okay. I worked so hard for years, I even did interviews heavily pregnant to get us in a good position financially and he's just thrown it all away because he couldn't get out of his own way and actually apply himself for a few days. He didn't take the prep seriously and was blindsided in the interview.

He's devastated, doesn't want to go back to work for last few weeks of his contract, doesn't want to complete his remaining projects. I am trying to comfort him and can see he's emotionally fragile but I just want to scream at him 'Why did you let us down? Why didn't you do the work to make sure your family is looked after?'. I wouldn't mind if he tried his best and it didn't work out, but he didn't. Am I unreasonable to be so angry? Should I tell him? Should I just try and help him get a new job first?

So is yours 🙄
It's clear the op is understandably panicking.

Dear God don’t tell him!!!!! You could push him over the edge. He’s obviously acted unreasonably and out of character. Some thing is wrong here. Get him back ‘aboard the boat’ as it were before you let him know how much any of this truly upset you. Don’t yell at a drowning person.

You are correct. It doesn't matter how well you've being doing the job and for how long in the civil service when it comes to interviews. You have to prepare against a set criteria and answer to demonstrate key attributes as you are asked a question. If you don't do it your experience and knowledge won't make up for it. You really need to prepare. The key skills and knowledge are well flagged in the job descriptions and you need to actively tailor your answers to meet these. If you don't, you won't get the job.

I thought this too. He should seek legal advice.

All I’m reading in this thread is “failed” so I can only imagine how the OP’s husband is feeling. He needs to complete his projects and mask his feelings of rejection to get a good reference. Put on a professional face, style it out and get a new job.

Yes - this happens repeatedly in teaching. In many schools there are hardly any teachers over 30. The younger ones see the more expensive teachers being managed out and start looking at other options for when their time comes.

Not true what so ever. The Civil Service has a very prescriptive interview process that looks for key words in answers, specific demonstration of knowledge and skills and scores these based on a set criteria. The people interviewing probably won't even know the roles of the interviewees very well and certainly won't have been told who to put first on a panel. It's because he didn't door the prep of tying his skills and knowledge specifically to the job description criteria in answers.

I feel very sorry for you.
I can well understand your fury.
You have carried him previously and he allowed his ego and temper mess up this opportunity.

He's not another child yet he is behaving like one.
Posters are correct that its best for his fragile ego you say nothing and encourage him to leave with dignity and think of the bigger picture.

I really hope something turns up.
It will be hard to retain respect for someone who has allowed his ego to get in the way of sharing the load with you.

Wise words. The OP’s DH is entitled to feel disheartened after all those FTCs and it must feel like a kick in the teeth for him.

The main thing is to move on as a family team. Look at what expenditure can be cut temporally, how the family income can be maximised by either of you during the period of finding new work, including max your joint tax allowances to your advantage. Be realistic about salary, spread the net wide. Use all contacts and networks. The worst thing is to take it so personally that you become paralysed into inaction. No time for blame, have to move on together. You can work through it as thousands do every month.

As a manager, all I can say his attitude has let him down big time, almost unprofessional. Im life you ahould never take anything fir granted. The last part really stinks as it is quite easy to a bad rep if you are seen to be unreliable even fir furure contracts elsewhere. I remember a long time ago as a contractor I was on tenterhooks waiting for any chance to get out of the temp space and be made perm. I had one shot and just lost out to another temp. Usually it's a very low risk to convert your best temps to perm.
Summary, needs to focus and do the best job.

If he's doing the job...he can obviously do the job! The employer is at fault here.

I think you need to emotionally support your husband. You are a team. Sometimes a member of the team fucks up. That’s when the other dusts them off.

That comment shows the poster is completely ignorant about recruitment!

I am not sure it is correct that a public sector worker is entitled to a permanent position after four years. When I got my current job there was a practice that they could keep us on fixed term contracts for five years and then they had to either make us permanent or let us go, but there was go guarantee of a permanent contract. I was one of the lucky ones. Many weren't.

I started 14 years ago though and went permanent in 2016, so things may have changed.

That said, after doing the job for four years you would think he would be able to ace the interview without too much prep. Were there specific things he was told he had to prepare for that he didn't? If that is the case I would be cross too though, as others have said, I am sure he is beating himself up enough as it is.

Good luck. It must be very tough for both of you.

Read what was posted regarding his attitude and prep for the interview. Acting like a stroppy teenager and not a man with a family. Selfish and stupid attitude.
She's done nothing wrong.

I have been on both sides of the internal interview situation. I ridiculously over prepared for my own interview, after seeing how many internal candidates tanked because they did not prepare properly. I think there can be a real psychological block on people going for their own jobs, and it can feel really weird to be trying to sell yourself to people who know you. Its an awful process.

Jesus, who needs enemies with a missus like this! Maybe the prep wouldn't have made any difference. I don't blame someone for being down having to apply for their own job on a regular basis, he needs to find something more secure but good to see you have his back eh, not!

It really is. As a young teacher I used to get jobs because I was cheap and as an experienced, expensive teacher I was replaced by a younger, cheaper teacher. It had nothing to do with preparation for the interview and I didn’t feel I had failed in any sense. I went above and beyond for the remainder of my contract, was pleasant and helpful to my replacement, and applied for other jobs.

It must be difficult for the OP and DH, but it’s a temporary situation. No-one will ever know whether more preparation would have helped him get the job and it’s pointless speculating.

For reference, I have been divorced for a long time and brought up a child on my own with very little financial contribution from my ex-husband, who always earned less than me. I managed.

Sorry but this company is pathetic. Happy to employ him for 4 years and then basically telling him he isn’t good enough?

A few years back, I went for an interview for a job I'd basically been doing alongside my own for the best part of a year. I was very experienced, highly qualified (massively more than the other two internal candidates).

I was astounded when it went to a woman half my age, with a fraction of my experience and nowhere near my qualifications. I am professionally qualified, she is not.

Two things went against me, firstly, my age. I had committed the cardinal sin of being over 50. In the last number of years, nobody has been appointed to a senior post over the age of 45. Second, my head of service dislikes me because I will question decisions I don't agree with, and she can't stand to be challenged.

It's not always about the quality of your interview. Other factors come into play and if your face doesn't fit, you are going nowhere.

It's the worst being interviewed by someone you know!

Budgets in public sector v tight right now. I suspect it’s not your DH’s performance but probably his managers being pushed to find roles for perm colleagues from other parts of the org who dont have jobs to reduce costs

Exactly this !

Having been the other side of the interview table - they’ve already made up their mind. If they’d have wanted him for the post, they’d have just made him perm after that long.

Support him through this to find a better employer.

I think you sound mean tbh. I know it’s obviously very worrying for the family, but I’d be absolutely devastated if I was your DH, and making him feel like he’s let you all down is not the action of a loving partner.

Think how you would feel in her shoes!!

OP hasn't said this to her DH, and she is allowed to vent here.

I totally understand how she is feeling.

I would be more angry at the employer than at your husband. He served them well for 4 years and then they put him through the stress of having to interview yet again. You have already said he is devastated so more than anything he needs your support and encouragement. Being angry at him will just shatter his confidence further There may be a few tough months ahead but he has 4 years solid experience on his CV so should find something else.