This isn’t really an AIBU but I (we - my husband and I) need some help/advice today/tomorrow really.
Background:
My lovely MIL is schizophrenic - has been for 40 plus years. In and out of mental health hospitals and units on and off for years. Sectioned many times over the years. Pretty much always medicated.
Over the years she has done things to herself which have caused serious injury and are part of the reason she isn’t so mobile anymore. Various medications to stabilise mental health have also contributed to additional conditions she now suffers from too.
My lovely FIL has stood by her all of this time, looked after her when she is home (of which there have been periods of a several years at a time), whilst working full time and bringing up 3 children.
They are both now in their mid-70s and FIL has his own health conditions. He would struggle to help her if she falls again. Plus her last episode last year which saw her sectioned again and back in to a mental health ward has really taken its toll on him. His stress levels are extremely high all the time with worry. I’m not putting too much detail in so I hopefully don’t give away who I am if family members are on munsnet. But basically if MIL returns home it will probably finish FIL off - he cannot cope anymore.
MIL has been in the hospital for going on a year this time. During that time she managed to fall quite badly and had to be transferred to the emergency unit in the hospital for a bad head wound. She stayed in the main hospital for a week deteriorating and on a lot of oxygen but thankfully got better and was transferred back to the mental health ward.
For some time the hospital have been working with Social Services to find MIL a place in a specialist care home that can cater to her mental health needs. This would be a permanent place and FIL and my DH and both my BILs support this.
Then this week my FIL is informed by the hospital that they want to meet him on Friday to discuss her release home to FIL, where she/both will be supported by local team and social services! Apparently she has told the drs / social that she is refusing to go to a care home and wants to go home. She is also arguing constantly that she shouldn’t have to take her medication and so of course FIL has that worry again that if sent home she will relapse very quickly and he will have to wait days again for them to take it seriously and come back and collect her - and help him!
I believe she is still under section but we have to have a chat with FIL today and double check that.
FIL cannot and will not cope now with having her home.
DH and my instincts are that they can barely keep her stable on meds, as her condition seems to have worsened with other ‘old-age’ maladies, and want the bed for someone they can treat; and that social services are struggling to find her a specialist care home/don't want to fund it.
However, my aging, and really not in that great health, FIL cannot care for her and himself adequately now.
DH has been invited to attend meeting in person with FIL at hospital or to join via teams call. I can be with DH on teams if he doesn’t make the journey (4 hours away) to be with FIL on Friday.
I/we need the collective wisdom of mumsnet to give us the right things to say in this meeting to the Dr/care team and social services to stop them discharging MIL to FIL. He is very stressed out and we hope they are not literally going to drop MIL home in a transport ambulance or similar.
Does FIL have any right to refuse MIL discharged home to him?
Off to work myself shortly so I will say thank you now to those who answer and will check back in as soon as work permits today.