To not go to nephew's birthday party

[OldMaidenTypeofShoes]

My nephew is turning 1 in a couple of months and my sister and BIL are having a party for him at their house which is 4 hours drive from where we live.
DH and I have decided not to go as we're staying with them 3 weeks before the party and don't want to make the journey twice in a month. It's expensive/tiring to get my family there and not how I want to spend my weekends.

As the party is over a bank Holiday weekend the rest of my family are attending (aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids) meaning we will be the ONLY ones not going which my parents are horrified at and have stated "you have to go".
We have considered changing the weekend we go to stay with sis & BIL to the weekend of the party to attend but we really won't get to actually see much of them if there's a large party on which defeats the point of us visiting.
I am close to my sister but they don't come to ours for our child's birthdays so I don't feel like this is the big deal my parents think it is.

AIBU to not go?

I would bring a present and a card at the visit 3 weeks before.
I wouldn't go.

I’d change the visit this once and suck up not spending much time with them on this occasion. 1st birthdays are usually “the big one” and after that parties are smaller and more chilled out, I find.

Did they not come at all for any of your children’s’ first birthdays?

@Peaceandquietandacuppa no but we're not big party people so our dos are usually only organised 3 weeks in advance and are just a cake and presents with friends and their kids (kids are still v young) - I don't expect them to attend but they also usually don't reply to the invite

You don't need to go
Sod what your parents think.

Make a fuss of him when you're there 3 weeks earlier and tell your parents to stop whining and interfering!

Can you ask your sister if she'd rather you visited for the party or 3 weeks before, it's a lot to visit twice, close together.

Your nephew is 1. He won't care. I don't really understand the point of birthday parties for 1 year olds who have no idea what a birthday is let alone that it's their birthday.

You're going up a few weeks before so it's not like you don't make an effort to see them. Just take the card and present up on the earlier visit.

Yeah just ask DS what she’d prefer you do and go with that

You definitely don't need to attend if you are visiting your sister three weeks before the birthday. Are your parents aware that your sister didn't attend the party to celebrate your child's 1st birthday? If not, tell them that and if they did know, ask them why it wasn't important for your sister to attend your 1year old's birthday party but it's important that you attend your nephew's.

Take a present and card with you when you visit.

This.

Your parents are being ridiculous.

I would attend, first birthday celebrations are quite a big deal for lots of parents. It meant a lot to me that for my DS’s 1st birthday lunch both our parents, both my siblings and both my DH’s siblings came. It was lovely to have both sides of the family together, and my son loves looking at the photos from it (we regularly look at photos as I print them all and put them in albums, my kids love looking at them). It felt like a big milestone marking his first year of life and everyone made a real effort to welcome and celebrate our newest member of the family 🥰

I similarly take being an Auntie very seriously to my 4 nieces and nephews on my DH’s side, and would always prioritise attending anything they invite us to. We holiday annually with them, babysit, they were flower girls by my side at my wedding. I can’t wait for my own siblings to have children, and would love to attend their 1st birthday parties.

I think the distance in your case does make things trickier though, and I would have understood if that was the case (we have all chosen to stay very local by choice, only 1 of DH’s brothers is 2 hours away, but he comes back for everything and we also go to his).