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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just a couple of pints....

31 replies

Oldmouse · 15/04/2025 22:28

My OH went to the pub at half 4 and is still out now, clearly drunk.

It's his first day off of some leave and we've come to visit my family for a couple of days. Didn't come home after 'a couple of pints' despite my family member cooking dinner for us all.

Not the first time he's done this, can't stand it when he's drunk and he talks crap and is obviously going to be useless tomorrow when we're meant to be having a day out somewhere with family and our children.

I'm a teacher and just feel like I'm treated like free childcare during the school holidays.

I'm having to wait up for him because he doesn't have a key to get in the house. I don't mind him going out but why lie about going for a couple when he literally cannot have a couple and has to have 10+ pints?! He could have taken a key...if we were at home and he did it I'd leave a key under the mat but can't do that at someone else's house!

Just a rant really. I could quite easily have gone to get an hour ago. FFS.

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 15/04/2025 22:41

I wouldn't wait up for him. I've got no patience for some selfish arse spending family money down the pub. I doubt this is his only flaw.

DDivaStar · 15/04/2025 22:51

Who is he out with if you're visiting your family ? Very rude. But I'd leave a key under a plant pot. Or just tell him to not bother visiting you're family and just go home.

Original poster
Oldmouse · 15/04/2025 23:02

We all went to the pub for a drink at half 4.... literally one drink. My dad stayed with OH for a second pint and then he came home. OH has been out on his own since then.

Tried to get me to drive to pick him up now, I've told him to get a taxi. He sounded so drunk.

He made me feel shit for a whole day over the weekend because I had £100 less than him left of our individual disposable monthly money. I bet he's spent nearly that this evening.

Think I've finally had enough.....I could list dozens of things I'm not happy with.

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 15/04/2025 23:05

I'm sorry OP, it's an awful situation and there's no pain like being treated with contempt. It's obvious that this is just scratching the surface.

Waterlilysunset · 15/04/2025 23:07

So he’s drinking solo or with strangers. How bloody awful for you OP

FrazzledHippy · 15/04/2025 23:10

He's out alone drinking to excess? I think he's got a problem OP! I don't know anyone who loves a drink that much they'd stay in a pub for several hours - and pints - alone!

DDivaStar · 15/04/2025 23:15

I've been out for a drink that got out of hand.

But drinking to excess with strangers, when you should be with your partners family. That's rude, inconsiderate and a problem.

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 15/04/2025 23:19

Disrespectful to you and the people who are hosting.
He should be mortified once sobriety kick's in.

CarpetKnees · 15/04/2025 23:34

That is so rude.
I'd tell him not to bother coming back to your family's home.

It is also incredibly weird. I mean, other than alcoholics, who hangs out in a pub for 6 hours when not with anyone ? Oh, wait....

candycane222 · 15/04/2025 23:36

Hes obviously got a drink problem. I wouldn't stay, it's unlikely to get anything but worse, then worse still.

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/04/2025 23:39

The impromptu nights are the best ones

EveryOtherNameTaken · 15/04/2025 23:41

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/04/2025 23:39

The impromptu nights are the best ones

They are. But not when you're staying with your partner's family.

He's going to feel it tomorrow though .....

Original poster
Oldmouse · 15/04/2025 23:46

He's back now. We have a day out planned tomorrow, if he gets up and comes then that's fine but I won't be prompting him!

Such bloody hard work. I feel embarrassed about how rude he's been....ignoring dinner (and his children) and buggering off all evening.

The drinking in his own if definitely weird.

OP posts:
SaladSandwichesForTea · 15/04/2025 23:46

Oldmouse · 15/04/2025 23:02

We all went to the pub for a drink at half 4.... literally one drink. My dad stayed with OH for a second pint and then he came home. OH has been out on his own since then.

Tried to get me to drive to pick him up now, I've told him to get a taxi. He sounded so drunk.

He made me feel shit for a whole day over the weekend because I had £100 less than him left of our individual disposable monthly money. I bet he's spent nearly that this evening.

Think I've finally had enough.....I could list dozens of things I'm not happy with.

Staying out to drink in a random town either alone or with random people instead of coming home to quality time with family 😬

Does he have a drinking problem? I literally can't think why else he would do that.

I could.absolutelynunderdtand a young man doing that few times and then realising after a few mistakes that he lacks self control after drinking and then changes his behaviour I.e. choosing not to drink in the first place because he cognitively knows he can't make good decisions.after a drink. But a family man? No wonder you have problems.

Chungai · 16/04/2025 00:11

This is a huge drinking problem IMO.

Drinking alone

Choosing drink over family

Drinking excessive amounts

All red flags.

Does he ever go a period without drinking?

Rosie8880 · 16/04/2025 06:19

Its unacceptable behavior. What I would be asking is, why? Why is he behaving in this way, why is he avoiding his immediate and extended family. Once you’re back home, I’d sit down with him and discuss. Drinking alone to excess usually indicates a desire to escape, a dependency at least on alchohol, a coping mechanism. He is a father, a son jn law and a partner - he’s chosen to neglect all of this on a family Easter holiday holiday. You are right to be disappointed and hurt and upset. I’d want to know what’s causing this and how can this not happen again, how can it be resolved. At the very least, whst is his behavior communicating to your kids.

HomeTheatreSystem · 16/04/2025 06:28

Take the lead, set him free to be an arse by himself and if he wants to put in the hard yards to sort himself out then he can let you know once he's there but really I wouldn't stick around to see him through this process as I think you'd be wasting your time, particularly as you've said there's other nonsense of his you're having to deal with.

Pandimoanymum · 16/04/2025 06:31

I feel for you, OP. It’s so disrespectful to all of you, comes across as selfish. No thought for how it impacts you and the day out today. And the cheek of asking you to come and pick him up!
My dad always used to do this on Christmas morning and I hated him stumbling back from the pub smelling of alcohol because my mum would get all tense and cross and it just spoiled the atmosphere. And that was at our own home, she’d have died of embarrassment if we’d been staying with family.

Moonnstars · 16/04/2025 06:34

Does he often go drinking alone? Sounds like he has a problem if he can't control how much he drinks and is staying out longer than he said drinking on his own.

FortyElephants · 16/04/2025 06:45

He's an alcoholic isn't he? Ugh.

Imbusytodaysorry · 16/04/2025 07:07

Oldmouse · 15/04/2025 23:02

We all went to the pub for a drink at half 4.... literally one drink. My dad stayed with OH for a second pint and then he came home. OH has been out on his own since then.

Tried to get me to drive to pick him up now, I've told him to get a taxi. He sounded so drunk.

He made me feel shit for a whole day over the weekend because I had £100 less than him left of our individual disposable monthly money. I bet he's spent nearly that this evening.

Think I've finally had enough.....I could list dozens of things I'm not happy with.

I voted you are being unreasonable.
You say if you were home you would leave a key. So this is regular behaviour you accept and think he will change today? Harsh but true.
Does he have a drinking problem ?
I can’t believe he behaves this way with your family break . He has no respect for anyone .

You are doing it all alone anyway. .
Id tell him it’s over . He may even have to step up as a parent.

Copperoliverbear · 16/04/2025 07:13

Would you say he’s a functioning alcoholic?
if so tell him to get help or it’s over.

WaltzingWaters · 16/04/2025 07:16

Oldmouse · 15/04/2025 23:02

We all went to the pub for a drink at half 4.... literally one drink. My dad stayed with OH for a second pint and then he came home. OH has been out on his own since then.

Tried to get me to drive to pick him up now, I've told him to get a taxi. He sounded so drunk.

He made me feel shit for a whole day over the weekend because I had £100 less than him left of our individual disposable monthly money. I bet he's spent nearly that this evening.

Think I've finally had enough.....I could list dozens of things I'm not happy with.

What bizarre behaviour to stay out drinking on your own and get utterly wasted when you’re staying with your partners family. If he’s even so desperate to be getting this wasted now whilst away with your family for a few days, I’m guessing it’s a very regular occurrence for him.
He sounds awful.

Whaleandsnail6 · 16/04/2025 07:52

For me it would be ultimatum time.

I put up with my husband's drinking for years. He would never admit to being an alcoholic as he could go days without a drink, but it was the drinking to excess, drinking alone and secret drinking that made me realise...he had spent a long time putting restrictions on himself that he couldn't stick to but he did eventually accept a problem

Its not been easy and I feel for him as he has stopped socialising for now as previously it all centred around alcohol but together, as a family we are so much stronger

Sorry to go off on a tangent but your post resonated with me.

A couple of years ago we had an awful family holiday where I was having to mkae excuses for his secret drinking and crapppy behaviour and my advice is have a stern conversation (probably tomorrow if hes hungover today) or run away as soon as you're home . I wish I'd taken my husband's drinking seriously years ago.

faerietales · 16/04/2025 08:12

You seem to have almost normalised this.

It’s very much not normal and sounds like he has a drinking problem.