So NC and I’ve tweaked a few details as not sure if anyone involved is on here.
I have a milestone birthday coming up and mum and sister have both suggested a meal to celebrate, the issue is I don’t want my mum’s partner to attend.
Background is that I got on well with mum’s DP at first but during Covid we had to spend more time together as we were both in the same “bubble”. Since then she has consistently been unkind to me and made comments on my relationship with my mum/arrangements I’ve made with my mum, basically in my view really over-stepping. When the comments etc. first started I hoped to resolve this. Although I was visibly upset (and mum’s partner saw this), I thought maybe tensions could be running high due to Covid and maybe we could talk things out and resolve this. Asked mum in private if she could have a word with her DP/facilitate a chat but she said no. Mum hates conflict and also refused to understand my position, which was very upsetting in itself.
I don’t see my mum’s DP often now so I suck it up when I do-usually for mum’s birthday where she insists her DP comes. Unkind/boundary crossing comments are made most times we meet up and I usually ignore so as not to upset mum.
Mum’s DP doesn’t seem interested to get to know me or Dsis (e.g. we weren’t invited to her milestone birthday held at mum’s house even though Dsis was visiting at the time) and she is involved with her kids’/GC’s lives but seems threatened(?) when DSis and I are around. Although she keeps trying to invite herself round to mine and DP’s place?!
Family tradition is that everyone pays for the birthday person. So for mum’s birthday Dsis and I pay for mum and her DP. If we go out for my birthday I think my mum and/or DSis will pay for it.
I really don’t want to fall out with mum as we’re close (no dad on the scene) but can’t bear the idea of mum’s DP joining. What would be the least awkward thing? I’d love my DP and DSis’s GF to join, but is the best thing to keep it to just mum, Dsis and I? Or invite mum’s DP and suck up the nastiness?
YABU-invite mum’s DP as mum is paying
YANBU-set a boundary