To rant about single life?

[Physioterrorist]

Not sure if this is in the right place but just need a good rant and probably do need telling to give my head a good shake.
I’m a single parent to my DD4. Her Dad and I split almost two year ago now following his infidelity. We have a civil relationship and he sees DD 2-3 times per week, however only for an hour or so. This means I do everything for DD and rarely get a break as I am only entitled to the 15 free nursery hours per week.
The thing I would like to complain about is that despite having DD with me most of the time, I just feel so lonely. I don’t really get the chance to meet anybody, most friends are in relationships with young children so any days out are to farms and the like! I’ve tried online dating but just find it so fickle and hard to meet somebody who doesn’t only want sex. I also deep down don’t seem to have any interest in meeting anybody yet even though I’m really missing a relationship. I suppose it would just be nice to have somebody to share life with and wake up next to.
Is this normal? To want to date etc but then just not having interest when it actually comes down to it?

So AIBU to complain about this seeing as it seems to be my fault?

or IANBU as single life can be such a grind

Yes I think so. I think what you’re saying is that you have a small child so you don’t currently have the space (or probably even the libido) to pursue a new relationship. But that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t like someone to share your life with, someone who would have the capacity to be able to give to you. That is completely understandable.

Reach out to your non-romantic network and you might find some of what you need that way. The bigger picture is your dd won’t always be this small and there’s every chance you’ll meet someone at a better time. I think what you’re going through sounds normal and it is very probably time-limited.

I'm wondering why your ex has DD for such short visits. She's old enough to spend a day or even regular overnight with him assuming he has a suitable place to live. Can you try to set this up? Even once a week would give you a lot more freedom.

I know exactly what you mean. You want to be IN a relationship, but not find one.

I think it’s more I would like to be in a relationship but I don’t seem to have that kind of interest in anybody, if that makes sense?

@Quiceinalifetime He currently works full time 6 days per week and has an unstable home life as far as I’m aware. He has stepped up and taken time off work to help with DD as an emergency but I don’t see my social life being a big concern to him!

@vincettenoir this makes a lot of sense and am very much hoping it is time limited! Thank you for your insight.

I know exactly what you mean - I'm a single parent to DD10months and I've been single since the first trimester (infidelity/abandonment).

Her Dad has her every Saturday. Technically I've been single for 1.5years so I sort of feel ready to meet someone. But I can't be bothered at the moment. Could be because most of my time is spent home with DD (still on mat leave). I can't even foresee when I'm going to actively start dating again as I'm fearful of the dating scene and rejection.

However, to echo what PP said, I feel less lonely when I meet with non-romantic friends and sometimes mum friends. I do have a lot of help from my Mum and Sister with childcare so I can go to the gym etc though.

Either way, I just wanted to say you're not alone and I know how you feel x

Have you posted this before? I’m sure I’ve already read this.

@ExpectantEs thank you, I’m so glad somebody understands. Most friends I’ve spoken to about this in real life basically just tell me to get over it and jump into dating, which I’ve tried to do but just can’t seem to fully go for it. I think I’m just finding it harder as it’s Easter hols and life is very child based! Thank you for your advice x

@CriminalCoffee not me, this is only my second ever Mumsnet post and the first was about unsuccessful potty training haha.

Hey OP lone parent for 15 years. Early years were a little lonely but definitely chucked myself into work to max out the earning potential (which worked) and hung out with friends and family. Once she hit about 5/6 I started her in things like stagecoach/tennis which created a bit of time for me. Even if it was just a coffee. By this point I was way out the other side of the loneliness and was happier single as OLD was awful and quite honestly didn’t feel like I wanted to compromise anything for a mediocre man I didn’t feel strongly about so no, I totally understand your position and it’s ok. Focus on work, family and friends. Use any spare time for yourself and if your ex can step up a bit more so you can have more of a social life then great.

I did meet someone, we’ve been together 5 years now, but not living together yet because blending families is not easy and the timing has to be right.

I am getting the same thing from a lot of my friends. They even want me to throw a Hinge party to open my account for me.

I don't know how I would currently fit a man into my life. I also feel guilty about time I could spend with her, being on the phone or FaceTime to a man.

Your friends and family probably want you to find someone because they love you - but as single mums we have to think about a lot more things that women that don't have kids. We just have to stay busy I guess lol x