Sick of ND bashing threads

[Inaminmum]

After spending some time on here, I’ve come to realise that some people really do have an issue with ND (neurodivergent) children—or they’re very quick to blame the parents. It’s honestly quite disheartening. It might seem like a joke to some, but it’s not. These are real children with real needs, and parents doing their best in incredibly tough situations. The lack of understanding and empathy from certain posters really says a lot.

I think if you don't have any experience yourself you go on ignorance. It becomes entrenched.

Mix them up with trolls and it's explosive. Not sure what the answer is though.

It’s ignorance and arrogance.

It never happened to me so it doesn’t exist.

It could never happen to me so it must be your fault somehow.

I don't think it comes from thinking it doesn't exist, but seeing it as having an effect on everybody.

Of course parents will see things from their own point of view and consider it from their chicken's perspective, know about their own circumstances and want others to be accepting of ND, but equally, those others who don't know every individuals' circumstances have their own interests or issues to focus on.

I think it comes down to that expression about people without children being the best parents.

People without SEN children are the best SEN parents.

Everyone thinks they know everything until they actually experience it.

A LOT of people think it doesn’t exist and it’s just poor parenting. The “back in my day “ types…

Well, back in my day I knew no one with asthma, food allergies, type 1 diabetes etc.

Yes, there's a certain group of people who seem to think you can simply parent the neurodiversity out of your children.

As if it's that bloody easy.

That's fine, but I think the 'bashing' rarely fails to recognise a genuine problem, more that it should be dealt with by those 'responsible' so as not to affect anyone else. People don't want to compromise or be inconvenienced by someone else's problems.

I think that if you don't have experience of it it really is quite impossible to understand. Before I had my own children with needs I was really very ignorant. I also think people only see the endpoint of situations eg the meltdown and then judge you for not stoppingbit or draw conclusions about your role in it.

I do remember though my neighbour once saying to me that she heard me dealing with my ds through the wall and that she couldn't believe how calm I was and how much I had to deal with day in and day out. He was very difficult and it was kind of nice that someone recognised I was a good parent because many would hear him shouting and crashing around and wonder why I wasn't able to stop it.

I agree. It’s one thing to not understand or relate; it’s another entirely to actively make assumptions, engage in unkindness, and intentionally undermine the struggles that come with parenting ND children.

Sick of ND bashing threads

Yet you have started another one in AIBU...

You’re not wrong OP. Even the voting where 67% say YABU show their ignorance and intolerance. Well, I say ‘show’, they don’t ‘show’ themselves because it’s an anonymous site so they can be cruel and discriminatory as no one knows who they are IRL.

You have to develop an incredibly thick skin. I don't tend to post anything about my DD on here, as there are too many vipers on patrol.

I think as others have said it’s one of those things that lots of people are ignorant about, if they have no direct experience themselves, but it’s also one of those things where actually sometimes even having some experience can make it worse.

ND is such a broad spectrum and 5 people with exactly the same diagnosis can all be affected so differently that it can be really hard to understand. So yes some people are ignorant of it and that’s where their perspective comes from, but I do think there are also lots of people who have SOME experience and that actually then fuels the nastiness on here.

As an example my nephew is autistic, he is quiet & struggles with eye contact/communication, struggles with loud noises and busy environments, lines his toys up, has to know exactly what he is doing at exactly what time and why, every single day, LOVES school & learning, but if you saw him playing in the park or walking in the street you would never guess he was autistic, and if the only autistic person a person knew was my nephew then they use that as their mental picture of what autism looks like.

On the other hand, my BIL’s nephew has autism, so same diagnosis, but it impacts his life very differently. He refuses to get dressed because the feel of the fabric on his skin is overstimulating so he is often wearing PJ’s, he can only eat specific foods and if offered something else he will scream and throw things as well as physically be sick, he can’t cope with school- it is entirely too overstimulating and he was having repeated meltdowns in school to the point he now is only there for 2 hours per day awaiting a place in a specialist school.

You have people who only know someone like my nephew seeing posts on here about someone like my BIL’s nephew and commenting that the behaviour has to be due to parenting because “I know someone with autism and they don’t behave that way”.

It's true. I don't either and I had 3 of them.

People don't get it. How much extra work goes into parenting a kid with additional needs. I do get the other side of it now though with my grandbaby. He's obviously NT and I'm seeing how lovely it is to experience that side of having bairns. I didn't get that. It was a bloody hard slog from birth and it presents more challenges the older they get and realising that you'll never have an.empty nest and they'll always be dependent on you. Then comes the worry of what will happen to them when you die.

Those with NT kids will never, ever understand any of that.

But for the grace of god and all that. Nobody knows what's around the corner when they spout their crap.

YANBU. It is so disheartening. Our current situation is incredibly stressful at the moment and I use MN to unwind, all I see lately is people bashing SEN parents, how we’re paying for diagnosis' and fabricating the issues our DC face. It is so disheartening and makes you feel even shitter than you already do.