Can’t decide if I’m reading too much into this…

[WorkRelatedName]

High school friend, we’re best friends up until my wedding 5 years ago and she went weird on me, pulled out from my hen do due to uni work etc and didn’t end up being a bridesmaid. Friendship since then has dwindled to the occasional message staying we need to meet up etc but never happens.

she is getting married next month and I received an invite. She messaged me yesterday morning about something non wedding related, very brief message and she didn’t respond at the time, but late last night, I got a text saying “btw, it’s my hen do on xxx date. It’s (venue). It’s not a big thing so please don’t feel you have to come if it doesn’t suit, or it’s a bit far”

this really annoyed me.
1 - it being too far - it’s literally 10 minutes away from me.
2 - the thing she is doing for her hen do is something I do regularly and she knows this as things have been posted on social media which she has reacted to etc so the whole “if it doesn’t suit” comment really rubbed me up the wrong way.

the hen do is in 2 weeks time so I feel like an after thought. I don’t know why but that message has really bugged me. I haven’t yet responded so now not sure what to do.

AIBU to be feeling like this? Not sure if I can enable voting on app…

This screams that she is only inviting you because she feels she should. If your gut is telling you no then don’t go - will open a can of worms where you both feel awkward and fake.

Sorry to say but, like the above poster, I think this is an "un-vitation".

Which is to say I think your instincts are spot-on.

I'd send light & breezy text declining both invitations for the hen party and wedding & wishing her well for the future. Then let the friendship drift, it takes effort from all sides & you're both at different stages of your life.

I agree that it's a chance to reset the relationships, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

I’d go.

We all go through different life phases with friends. Uni work can be huge amounts of pressure and can affect people’s mental health and ability to be sociable. Try to be empathetic about that.

Good friends keep things going through all the waxes and wanes and it pays off when you’re older. When you have kids it’s great to have childless friends, who you can hang out with without it being all ‘kid talk’. You don’t have to see good friends regularly. I often don’t seen or hear from friends for years. But when we get together it’s wonderful.

She is not your friend and it seems like she doesn't really want you to go

This

It's probably the same wording copy and paste to everyone, we can call read something more into things if we want too

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If she had said "I'd love you to be here" then it would have given you some reason to feel she genuinely wants you at her hen.

In fairness, her comment "if it doesn't suit" could mean that she knows the activity is something you have done before and doesn't want you to feel like you have to do it again.

however it sounds like you don't warm to her and don't have a strong rapport because you dont feel you have enough in common and your lives are following different tracks.

if she's only 10 minutes away and you don't mind spending the money then go along but you may well find she will hardly engage with you all evening and you'll come away feeling even worse. Trust your instinct, it's there for a reason.

also imagine after the wedding, how will you feel if she then doesn't bother to keep in touch and you're back to unfulfilling one line/monosyllabic texts every 6 months.

I’d decline as you’re clearly an afterthought if the hen is in 2 weeks! It sounds like the friendship has been slow fading since your wedding, I’d let it go personally.

You only need to consult your own feelings here. If you think there’s anything to be revived in this former friendship, I’d interpret the tone as tentative, given that she didn’t attend your hen, and go. If you don’t, decline politely. Whether you attend the wedding is a separate issue, but prompts the same question - do you want to go? (Have you actually accepted?) Or just accept the friendship is dead as a doornail. Though I do t view having children/not having children as any reason why a fruendships wouldn’t work. I have a child, but have close childfree friends .