Dislike of my mother

[Coocoopachu]

I feel like a bitch. Let's get that out first. But I've realised as I have got older I dislike and resent my DM. We are staying with my parents at the moment. She is not normal. I could go into lots of details but basically, my childhood memories are mainly of her being disapproving, disappointed and not always very nice to me. As she went through the change she was vile and so as a teen I hated her. The way she treats my DF, I hate that. There have been big arguments throughout the years and I've learned to just suppress how I feel for a quiet and easier relationship. I am the one who has to back off and just agree with her to avoid a row. I've had a lot of pent up frustration and upset which I've been pushing away for decades. Now she is old and still very difficult but I feel like I don't love her and don't want anything to do with her. It's not going to happen as we are one of those families that feel they are close knit..... I don't agree but have to play along. I feel like the odd one out. My siblings and their partners seem to dote on her and I have to put on an act. My patience is wearing thin for pretence and I have realised I don't even like her. Perhaps I need therapy. Does anyone else dislike their parent?

Boatloads of sympathy from me. I would go bananas if I had to spend a week with my parents. They're cold, critical, judgemental, self absorbed and they resent me for growing up and leading my own life. Do I love them? Honestly no idea

I was in therapy for a long time and it was life changing. It was invaluable having an objective professional to support me through the very painful business of separating from them emotionally, and processing the impact of their parenting on every part of my life. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the best thing I've done for myself

Dr Ramani on YouTube is also excellent - she's a psychotherapist who specializes in narcissism, and has loads of very wise and insightful videos

If your mother treated you unfairly and is horrible to your Dad etc YANBU to resent her, it’s just how you feel. Your comments about her health are a bit harsh though. She’s no different in that respect from millions of other people. I hope you don’t ever have cause yourself to discover that a lot of health is just luck and chance and we have less control than we think we have. How old is your Mum? Possibly your genuine resentment about other things and dislike of her is colouring your response to her genuine problems and that’s what your siblings are picking up on. You will probably feel better when you move and can spend less time with her.

I'm home again and all is well. I have been picking over the things that have made me feel this way over the course of our stay there and trying to reason with it all. I can't. I know I will now go back to masking - possibly until the day that she is no longer with us. I find it hard to see the nice in her however I think that's from years and years of being pushed down by her. She isn't an evil person.... She's just selfish and has been a crap mother... Just as her mum (my nan) was to her.