Going to hobby when baby is unwell?

[Rogerpoger]

Typing this with a poorly baby strapped to me in the baby carrier! Not sure if I’m just being over sensitive as I’m touched out and tired.

Baby is 10 months and is usually very easy going and content. For the past 36 hours he’s been very clingy and very unhappy. He’s had a fever on and off and cries any time he’s put down etc.

Still on mat leave and today has felt like a longggg day. DH plays football twice a week as a hobby but was injured last week and told me he wouldn’t be playing tonight. He came home at 4pm and was aware how unsettled baby was and how frazzled I was from a long day (after a long night of BF as it was the only thing that would keep baby happy).

Anyway, I was upstairs trying to play with baby and he waltzed in in his football kit and said he had decided to play football tonight as they were short on players.

Surely if you knew your wife had such a tough day and could use help with the baby you would stay home?!

Have you told him how you are feeling and that you were looking forward to having him home to help tonight?

Tell him champion it's his baby shift when he gets back. And mean it.

You need to use your words. If he still goes to football after you've asked him to stay home to help, then yes, he's a dick

You need to tell him in words he understands
Please don't go I need you to hold the baby so I can do xxxx

Have you spoken to him this probably needs stating

I'd get him to be on full looking after duties when he returns... as in; I'd have a bath and get my Pjs on and get into bed. Then he can do bath and bed routine with the baby. Then you have both gotten what you need tonight.

I wouldn't focus on what he's done, as he's done it... focus on what you can do to feel happier about the situation. It will save you building resentment!

He came home at 4pm and was aware how unsettled baby was and how frazzled I was from a long day

Surely if you knew your wife had such a tough day and could use help with the baby you would stay home?!

Did he know or didn’t he know how unsettled the baby was?

He should be able to just tell, but since he hasn’t been there by your side, he might not realize. Speak up and tell him you need him to stay. His response should
be one of mild disappointment, because we are all allowed to be disappointed at missing a fun time, but he should realize that staying home is necessary without argument.

How’s he going to play football with a grizzly baby strapped to his chest?

Ohhhhh, he wants you to suck up 100% of the parenting so he can just do as he pleases.

If he was home at 4pm, he could have taken the baby from you then and let you have an hours down time/sleep if he’d really wanted to go; why is letting down his football team a bad thing, but letting down his wife and baby ok??

Yes I think that’s where the frustration lies that he’d rather let me muddle through a tough few hours rather than let the team down. He told me this morning he still wasn’t planning on playing as he wanted to rest his injured leg and I said how glad I was because the baby had been unsettled etc.

I told him I’d rather he stayed home but was busy with the baby and he said he’d be home in a few hours and left (the baby will be in bed when he’s home)

@Rogerpoger

For him not to realise you needed some support is bad enough, but to hear you explicity say it & then go out anyway, is downright shitty.

He puts his mates above you. That needs a very serious conversation or this will be your future.

I think you need a chat about responsibilities and that his priority should be you and the baby rather than his teammates and he has let you down with this