Birthday cakes in restaurants

[OneAquaGoose]

When I was growing up, I never knew anyone to take their own birthday cake to cut and eat at a restaurant. So when I first saw people do this, I was really surprised. My group of friends all do this and it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel so rude and cringe whenever they do it. “No we don’t want to order a dessert to give you money. We want to use your plates, knife and table instead for free.”

YABU - I do this
YANBU - It is rude

I thought this threat was going to be annoyance about people singing happy birthday in restaurants, or sparklers being placed in cakes, or fighting men crashing on to the tables, pausing only to join in the singing (the first Bridget Jones's Diary film).

I think it's fine - as long as they've asked the restaurant beforehand. If they haven't asked, it's rude.

We have done it, but in the way we do cake at children's parties. Not as dessert, wrapped in a napkin to take away. We tend not to have dessert at all, but do have cocktails and coffees, so I don't think I would mind that, if I had a restaurant.

We have done it for diamond wedding celebrations twice, both times with permission in advance and after desserts.

This was very much the done thing through my childhood at family parties but we were paying for a meal and drinks for 20 people and having cake there meant they sold extra drinks. The alternative was we’d eat out then back to the host for cake and tea. Either way, we weren’t having dessert at the restaurant so the only difference was whether they sold another round of drinks/coffees or not.

Lots of restaurants no longer allow it. We went to a chinese banquet recently and someone brought the birthday cake. They were told it was £15 'corkage' if you wanted to present the cake.
In Rome, ten years ago, it was my birthday. After the meal, someone brought out a panetone type cake with candles. We didn't eat it; we were taking it back to the hotel. It was purely for photographs. When the bill came, they'd added ten euros on for 'bringing own food'

The cake usually gets brought out by the waiting staff after desserts have been ordered, not in place of desserts. And some restaurants charge a fee to bring it out.

It would be out of order to just produce a cake yourself from a box under the table, obviously! But to make arrangements with the restaurant in advance for the staff to bring it out is fine. If the restaurant had a problem with it, they would say no. If they've agreed to do it, it's because that's a service they're happy to offer.

Plenty of places charge a supplement for you to bring your own cake. I don't see a problem with it.

It's fine if arranged in advance with the venue. Otherwise I'd feel really odd eating out and then just getting a cake out of a tupperware at the end of the meal though.

My group of friends does this. We spend the same amount of money as we would have done without the cake, probably more as we buy extra drinks to go with the cake, all have a main and share some starters. If we weren’t bringing the cake we’d share some desserts and not bother with the starters. We’d never bring shop bought one though, it’s always homemade which im not sure makes a difference but seems better somehow.

We’ve never just got about a tuppawear at the end. Whoever’s made the cake arrive a little early and asks the servers if it’s ok to do the cake at the end, the server takes the cake away and brings it out at the end of the meal with candles lit and plates and cutlery with it too. It’s never been an issue.

I've always taken celebration cakes to a restaurant. My DM took one to the restaurant as a surprise for my 21st birthday meal ( I'm 55 next week so this isn't a new thing by any stretch)

Have done this many many times over the years. If I'm bringing a large group of people ( or more than 6 people ) to a restaurant and they are all paying for drinks and a starter and main course I really don't think the restaurant can be too upset that we don't then order dessert. Especially as we usually order a bottle or two of fizz as well to toast the birthday.

If it's just a small group of four we usually just tip off the staff that's it's a birthday and they often stick a candle on whichever dessert the birthday person orders.

I’ve worked in many restaurants of all standards and it’s very common and normal .

I’ve never known this to be a problem. Ever.

I’ve only ever done this at one restaurant where I’d seen if happen quite a bit, as I do feel a bit uncomfortable about it ! Left them a very good tip however

I wonder if this has become a bit like the widespread acceptance of dogs compared to a few years ago. Restaurants feel they cannot say no because of the business they would lose, many being on tight margins.

I worked in restaurants 30 years ago and bringing out cakes wasn't unusual at all.

Some restaurants charge cake-age, like corkage, and I think that's fair. My parents are not big eaters. If they had pudding at a restaurant at lunchtime they wouldn't want any cake later, so it would all be a bit of a damp squib. I'd be happy to pay the restaurant a bit extra for serving the cake and potentially losing out on the margin from us ordering a pudding.

I do it for my kids as they got a bit older so family meal out and we sing happy birthday there rather than at home and the kids like the fuss.

I always check first and never had a problem with that and balloons on the table anywhere. They always offer to cut the cake for us to eat there but we tend to take it home with us. Me and DH don’t usually get desserts but kids will usually have one and when we are spending £100/£150 there when drinks all added up i think it would be a bit stingy to not offer to cut the cake and if we didn’t want desserts then cake or no cake we aren’t going to buy them!

it was my 40th last year and my kids took a cake for me and i was mortified! Came out with a big sparkler on it, staff all singing & dancing just as they did with the 8 year old at the table across before me and a 16th across the other side. No idea what the other tables did - we did open mine and eat some of it as i felt like i ought to have some after all the fuss but i was full and already left a bit of my main so i wasn’t ordering dessert. Kids and my husband had one though and had some ofnmy cake too!

Pretty much every time I’ve phoned to make a large booking for a restaurant they’ve asked at the time “is it a special occasion and will you be bringing a cake?” and then said they’ll either provide plates or asked for paper plates to be brought in. Which certainly doesn’t give the impression they discourage it.

Just because they don't order desserts they have still ordered food! They don't only go for cake do they. If they did I'm sure they wouldn't be allowed.
I did this for my sons birthday and I spent a fortune there, me, my partner and 5 children and we all had dinner and drinks!

Very normal in my circle, however I’ve not known a restaurant not to charge cakeage. Typically the equivalent of 5 pound a head (I’m not in UK). They store the cake during dinner, bring it out, then after birthday person has cut it they take it away and bring it out on plates with a firm, charging extra if you opt to have it served with a dollop of cream or ice cream. Then they give you the remainder back in the box to take home.

That's how rich people stay rich.