Really annoyed at neighbour waking up my sleeping son in the car!

[ezi91]

So, my 14 month old is teething his back teeth and has been very clingy and not napping in the day because of it so for the past week I took annual leave to be here with my elder 2 and to not feel so rushed. As you can imagine with a 6,3 and 1 year old, it isn't so easy to have 30 minutes peace in the day and I really really needed to reply to some emails and sort out quite important stuff on my work phone in preparation for work tomorrow.

I've come back home from taking children swimming and park, and as I arrive home, my 1 year old is finally asleep, my 3 year old has fell asleep and having a nap! I thought this is a perfect opportunity to sit in the car quickly do what I need to do on my phone.

Not even within 10 minutes, my neighbours who I have no problem with whatsoever literally tapped on the window telling me to pull it down, proceeded to be loud like she is talking about how she's going shopping?! Then she starts being extra loud and lo and behold my youngest starts crying hysterically.

I'm really pissed off. I managed to send some important emails but I could have done with just sitting here until they woke up to gather myself.

Perhaps the neighbour was unaware that the child was sleeping

Just NO. That was so inconsiderate, I’d be very annoyed. Although I wouldn’t have rolled my window down, just gestured to the sleeping kids and put my finger to my lips probably. Some people are just oblivious.

You should have pointed to the sleeping children when she first knocked and not opened the window.

Did she know that they were sleeping?

Yes she did, I did mouth it to her and do the expression but proceeded to tap tap tap "awwwwwww they SLEEPING"
She's in her 80's and generally I love having her as a neighbour but it's really annoyed me I feel bitter

Well you need to make a decision, are you going to go off on one at your 80 yr old neighbour, or are you going to scratch it as "done" and move on with your day?

Stress isn't doing any good

Why didn’t you very clearly signal ssh to her?

I agree with others, I would have only opened the window a crack said, 'Sorry Margaret, I can't talk right now, but will catch up with you soon.' And put the window up again.

@toomuchfaff i'm venting i guess. I like her and her daughter, I'll mention it in a light way next time i see them, lack of sleep can make me extra sensitive

it's really annoyed me I feel bitter

This for me is just further example (if ever needed) of the bizarre atomisation in society.

You have a lady, elderly, who isn't aware of the bizarre practices we all seem to consider normal these days (such as working on our phones with a sleeping child in a car) .... gave you a wave to say hello and speak to you.

Do you really, really think @ezi91 that this 80 year old woman, who has paid taxes all her life, contributed, may have had children of her own...should learn all the Mumsnet style soft signals that "no, despite the fact I am parked up in public, I do NOT want to be approached"...

It's just absurd. I'm sorry it annoyed you but honestly, if you're parked up OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE then most people would assume you're about to disembark at some point, and would stop by if they saw you to say hello.

I don’t know if it’s a long time since or if you’ve ever been sleep deprived and caring for multiple small children but this sort of thing can really make you feel so irritated, it doesn’t matter if the person that’s caused it has paid taxes all their bloody life 🤣

Couldn’t give a flying fuck if she’s paid taxes or not. It’s very annoying she wasn’t considerate. She must know you have small children. You wouldn’t be sitting in your car for no reason. She should have been more intelligent

I feel for you OP. I once sat in Tesco car park for a little longer than some nosey twat thought was necessary so she proceeded to question my motives through the window. My insomniac little one was finally asleep after a long drive and I was too exhausted to carry on driving without a break. On top of that I'd just had an awful bereavement so I burst out crying and wound up the window, she didn't know what to do with herself!

People are often oblivious to the pressures of parenting, even if they've been through it themselves. They forget the awful parts and assume kids are easy!

You can't really fall out with your neighbour over it but you're not being unreasonable for screaming into the void here!

I used to feel homicidal if someone woke one of mine up in their nap time. It's the parent that deals with the fall out, and when you're sleep deprived it feels huge.

Yeah it's been a few years since I cared for multiple small children.....

..... but I didn't expect people to treat my car as some sort of personal exclusion zone when I've just pulled up outside my house.

Did I miss a post where she was ‘going off on one’ at her 80 year old neighbour? Wow, I just had her down as a tired mum looking for some empathy.

@JacquesHarlow I don't understand why paying taxes is relevant lol. I pay taxes, hence me literally trying to sort my work week coming up.

And thinking about it, actually I think even when I'm 80 if I see someone in their car on their phone clearly doing something with 2 children sleeping I would assume that she wants some peace and is busy doing something.

I don't think I'm in the wrong to be feeling pissed off.

I've accepted the constant nosiness, complaining that we put a fence between our back gardens because it's anti social apparently. I'm bloody allowed to not be constantly available for social interaction.
If I was getting out the car fair enough, but I'm sat in there, she tapped on the window, I did all the gestures, I even did whisper "baby is sleeping finally and I'm just a little busy" Que "WHAT, oh look they are sleeping" it was too late with the loudness.

I also don't expect anyone to feel comfortable tapping my car window.

@PremiumD literally! I'm exhausted, I've had a horrendous hacking cough for weeks, no sleep myself, on top of that the toddler, now it's been Easter holidays a week already! With two high energy school kids, I just needed some down time, and if that was 20 minutes in the car with my head down, I don't see the problem! otherwise I would have got out the car and took them inside.

If I was looking outside and smiling, I would understand her coming over even if I waved. But I wasn't aware anyone was walking towards the car until I heard "TAP TAP next to my ear"

of course I'm not going to go off at her, I just needed to vent

@JacquesHarlow fair enough but also, on the other hand don't you think it's quite rude to even go to someone in their car?

I could never imagine deciding that a mother with her 3 young children in the car arrived home, awake or asleep being the right time for not important conversation. If I was not planning to sit in my car, I'd still be having to get my children out the car safely on the road, removing the toddler, making sure they all crossed the road and got to my front garden safely.

Many times I've been polite and literally struggled with bags and kids in toe but I'm expected to be available for a chat because it's "polite" it's not very polite to feel entitled to their time at the wrong times! Or I've been on the phone and had full blown questions directed at me

I vividly remember the sanctity of naptime and then when you have more than one child it’s the holy grail if it overlaps when you’re somewhere quiet that you can take a moment in. It’s a 24/7 job too so it’s not as though the next opportunity is just around the corner.

yes you did miss something. I said make a decision - are you GOING TO GO OFF or let it go.

I didn't say she was going on on her neighbour already. I was prompting her to move on and leave it in the past.

Are you sure your light way of mentioning it will sound light??? You sound furious and that will come over in your tone Most likely!

it’s not a bizarre practice. Surely it’s common sense not to talk loudly when 2 children are asleep. I’m sure this lady understands mobile phone use

You have a lady, elderly, who isn't aware of the bizarre practices we all seem to consider normal these days (such as working on our phones with a sleeping child in a car)
How belittling to older people! My grandmother is 91 and has a mobile phone and tablet and is well aware people work from them. She also would never wake a sleeping baby.

I'm also a carer and plenty of people I care for use phones and know people work from them. People don't stop keeping up to date when they turn a certain age.