To think it’s fine to let a 10 year old do this?

[cadburyegg]

I have a ds10 who is in year 5. Have been gradually releasing a bit of independence. He has come home from school by himself a couple of times (20 minute walk, quiet village) - to someone in the house. I have left him in the house for up to an hour. He has gone out for a walk for up to an hour by himself. All in daylight hours. He has a brick phone and his own house key. All of this has been initiated by him, with a little encouragement from me, which is great because he has been quite a clingy child. We have talked about what to do if he’s ever offered a lift etc.

We went to Center Parcs last week. CP roads are very safe for kids on bikes as very few cars. I allowed DS to go ahead of us back to the lodge a few times. One afternoon when the rest of us were tired, DS wanted to go out again so I allowed him to go out on his bike for about an hour and got some sweets from the shop for himself and his younger brother.

Saw a friend this weekend and mentioned offhand what he’d been doing. She was so shocked. Said my ds was far too young to be doing these things, said at the very least he should be with a friend. She said most people don’t allow “this level” of independence until summer term of year 6.

So have I misjudged? Or is this ok for 10 year olds?

That’s absolutely fine!

At my local park there are big groups of kids aged around 8+ who hang around together playing football for hours at a time. They seem happy and it’s overlooked by other houses on a quiet road. I let my 9 year old stay with his friends there for short times if he wants to. Think what you’re doing sounds fine if you and your son are happy with it.

Sounds fine since it was your child who wanted more independance. Mine felt condident enough at 11 (y7) but some of his friends started earlier. It really depends on the child. I was out and about at 7 which was normal then.

I think it’s all fine except the wandering about on his own for an hour. Do you know where he is, if you are still at work? Does he have an agreed time to be back again, so you would know if he was late back?

Is he going to the same places at around the same time on the same days of the week? A predictable pattern as a young and lone child would be a worry for me, particularly if he is going into any quiet or isolated areas - in fact as an adult woman I vary my jogging routes for this reason and I think that is sensible.

I think they all live around here! We had quite a few "horrified" comments when DS started this sort of independence at that age.

I think this is 100% normal and age appropriate. DD is 10 and in year 5 and very similar levels of independence here. She pops to the shop alone (less than 5 minute walk) but wouldn't go to the park or whatever by herself - but mostly because she doesn't want to. If we're out shopping she might go into a different shop to me for a few minutes. And she's started going out with one or two friends for short walks around the neighbourhood or to the shops or whatever. A friend and her met up and went to get a smoothie last week! It was super cute.

I think it's fine and very sensible. It depends on the child and how much common sense they have and if they are an anxious type of course.

My youngest is 10, nearly 11 and has been walking to school since September. She also walks home a couple of afternoons, we are gradually reducing after school club each term. She goes to the park/bike ride with a friend sometimes too. Not so keen on being at home alone but happy for an hour or so and prefers that to being dragged along to Tesco etc.

Eldest was a bit older - he was more confident but had a lot less common sense!

It sounds absolutely fine to me. It really depends on the child and it sounds like your DS is sensible and you're taking it at his pace. It sounds like the sort of thing I did with my DS at a similar age. He's now 13 and able to be pretty independent. I think it helps with confidence as well.

I'd have dismissed your friend with a breezy "well, they're all ready for these things at different times, aren't they?!". Then change subject.

It's more than fine, this type of gentle increased independence is to be encouraged. Your friend sounds terribly over protective.

I think it’s great! What worries me is when parents decide to give their child multiple sudden freedoms at the start of secondary school. It feels a lot to pile on them at once like they are expected go from molly coddled child to independent teenager over night. Seems sensible to start gradually from when they are 10.

Exactly how it ought to be done - age appropriate and within safe parameters.

Perfectly fine and your friend's a twat for telling you off about it. It's none of her business.

No. He's way too young for that.

I have a 10yr old boy and all of that sounds absolutely fine and age appropriate. You have to build independence gradually and with it builds trust between you both too.

I also have a 14yr old and by secondary school you want them to be confident to be doing things independently, not anxious about it and reliant on an adult to take them everywhere.

I bet the 10 year old from the original post is loving his independence and learning about road safety and other skills in a very organic, natural way. I have a ten year old and the original post sounds great. Not too dissimilar from my own childhood.

Absolutely fine, and good for him, to build up his confidence and independence.

To put it in perspective my DD's scout group (age range 10-12) were dropped in the middle of a forest (that they had never been to before) in groups of 3, given maps and compasses and told to find their way to the campsite 8km away, cooking themselves dinner on the way on their trangia. The adults only left the campsite when DD's group didn't turn up on time (they were messing about too much then got lost)

Nah, it’s fine. Your friend is mental.

It's fine. Your friend needs to stop judging, and check her facts.

Steps towards independence are just that - steps. If you leave it too late to start, then the learning curve becomes less gradual.

I agree with this.
I have a 7 yo and he’s literally just started ‘playing out’ - there’s a park across the road I can see from my house. One quiet road to cross. He loves it. I trust him as he is very sensible. He naturally pops back after about 15 minutes to check in with me and he knows how far he is allowed to go

Yes, I think it’s absolutely fine.

To be fair, I was home by myself 8-6 every single day of the school holidays at 10. Walking the dog. Preparing and cooking myself 3 meals a day. The level of freedom you’ve encouraged sounds just about right.

This. It's the age and maturity of the child that is important, not whether they are in Y5 or Y6

Absolutely fine. Where I live kids go out to play and walk to and from school from about age 7.

your friend needs to land her helicopter

Yes that sounds fine to me. My 8 year old can walk to/from school and also goes to local park or shop (not crossing any big roads) by herself, so out of the house for 20/30 min or so. She’s been left alone for 10/15 min at home in a pinch once or twice. Her similar aged peers do the same (including children of teachers at the local school). I’d be absolutely comfortable with what you describe by 10.