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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH shouldn’t have said this about our baby?

42 replies

FirstTimeMum225 · 13/04/2025 20:46

I gave birth a couple of months ago and we’ve only just started taking our baby out regularly over the past couple of weeks. We were in a cafe at a country park earlier with some friends and I had to get up and take DS for a nappy change. A friend made a jokey comment about how they don’t miss those days, to which DH casually said - ‘he has inherited his mums arse unfortunately’.

I was mortified - I have IBS so it was obviously a reference to this and a cheap laugh at my expense.

I’ve told DH I am pissed off with him and he has apologised but I can’t get it out of my head and feel humiliated. He says I should accept his apology and that I shouldn’t take my hormones out on him.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 13/04/2025 21:39

BillyBoe46 · 13/04/2025 21:15

What a prick. He made a joke at your expense. A joke which was fucking humiliating. How dear he blame your hormones.

This^
I would be really furious that continued his behaviour by this hormone remarks.
He clearly hasn’t understood how unpleasant it was for you. I was really upset recently when DH said in a jokey way about something I couldn’t do because of my health issue. I know it’s not a deliberate remark but more like not thoughtful but still these things are very painful especially from your partner from whom you expect love and support.
Not sure I would be able to move on straight away in your place.

2025willbemytime · 13/04/2025 21:43

Hercisback1 · 13/04/2025 21:13

I think your IBS is perhaps making you overthink his remark. He may not have even linked it to your IBS in his head. Then realised after when you spoke to him.

I'd try to accept his apology and move on. Ruminating on it won't help anyone.

So what was he on about then! How has the baby inherited mums arse?

TY78910 · 13/04/2025 21:55

Hercisback1 · 13/04/2025 21:13

I think your IBS is perhaps making you overthink his remark. He may not have even linked it to your IBS in his head. Then realised after when you spoke to him.

I'd try to accept his apology and move on. Ruminating on it won't help anyone.

I think so too, and do those friends know you have IBS? If not, then it’s not as horrifying joke as it looks like on the surface. The hormones comment though was ignorant and quite sexist - that would wind me up more.

nessiesnotreal · 13/04/2025 21:56

This honestly wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I also have IBS. It was a joke and I would have took it as such but then that is my sense of humour. The hormones comment would have pissed me off more but again, not enough to worry me too much or be too bothered about it.

He has apologised so you can either let this linger on, address it further and tell him why he pissed you off and upset you and talk it out, or you just accept his apology and put it behind you.

Screamingabdabz · 13/04/2025 21:56

comoatoupeira · 13/04/2025 21:13

I think on the plus side he is quite witty, even though it was a f-ing stupid thing to say and definitely disrespectful.
Also on the plus side as PP have said he clearly doesn't have a problem with it and is not embarrassed about it on either of your behalves which is a good thing.
Definitely deserved an apology but I too would move on.

Wow. I don’t know what your definition of ‘witty’ is but if you mean taking a cheap shot at your partner’s expense then you’re wrong.

Hercisback1 · 13/04/2025 22:04

2025willbemytime · 13/04/2025 21:43

So what was he on about then! How has the baby inherited mums arse?

Show quote history

It's the sort of thing that can be said about anyone. My dad made the same joke to me when I had my first child. I don't have IBS.

I too think the hormone comment is worse.

Shitmonger · 13/04/2025 22:25

comoatoupeira · 13/04/2025 21:13

I think on the plus side he is quite witty, even though it was a f-ing stupid thing to say and definitely disrespectful.
Also on the plus side as PP have said he clearly doesn't have a problem with it and is not embarrassed about it on either of your behalves which is a good thing.
Definitely deserved an apology but I too would move on.

Was the witty part the joke about diarrhoea or…?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/04/2025 22:26

"He says I should accept his apology and that I shouldn’t take my hormones out on him."

What a cunt.

Lorlorlorikeet · 13/04/2025 22:33

GCAcademic · 13/04/2025 21:10

The worst bit about this is his blaming your hormones, rather than his stupid behaviour, for your upset.

Yep. Awful, awful man.

afig · 13/04/2025 22:33

He should be ashamed. Not only was the comment unkind to you, but it's an awkward attempt at a joke that was likely to embarrass everyone present. As for blaming hormones, that's ridiculous and insulting. Pretty sure I'd have a problem with that regardless of the state of my hormones.

Hastentoadd · 13/04/2025 22:35

FirstTimeMum225 · 13/04/2025 20:46

I gave birth a couple of months ago and we’ve only just started taking our baby out regularly over the past couple of weeks. We were in a cafe at a country park earlier with some friends and I had to get up and take DS for a nappy change. A friend made a jokey comment about how they don’t miss those days, to which DH casually said - ‘he has inherited his mums arse unfortunately’.

I was mortified - I have IBS so it was obviously a reference to this and a cheap laugh at my expense.

I’ve told DH I am pissed off with him and he has apologised but I can’t get it out of my head and feel humiliated. He says I should accept his apology and that I shouldn’t take my hormones out on him.

He sounds horrible, of course he shouldn’t have said that, he also shouldn’t have then blamed your attitude towards his comment on your hormones, you had a valid reason for being upset….he is gaslighting you

Ughn0tryte · 13/04/2025 23:03

What a degrading way to speak about both the mother of your child and your infant.

mathanxiety · 14/04/2025 01:16

comoatoupeira · 13/04/2025 21:30

Yeah, but it wasn't an insult. It was a joke. The difference is in the intention.

No, the difference is in the impact.

People who demand to be judged by their intentions and not the impact of their words or behaviour are narcissists.

caringcarer · 14/04/2025 02:01

Endofyear · 13/04/2025 21:31

I'm guessing he was trying to be funny and he missed the mark. He probably wasn't thinking about the IBS and wasn't trying to embarrass you - unless he is normally cruel and likes to put you down?

When you explained how hurtful and embarrassed you found his stupid joke, he should have been extremely sorry that he's upset you and apologised. He shouldn't have tried to minimise your feelings.

A sincere apology would have been good instead he tried to blame your hormones. I wouldn't be happy but unless he does it often I'd let it go this time.

comoatoupeira · 14/04/2025 17:11

mathanxiety · 14/04/2025 01:16

No, the difference is in the impact.

People who demand to be judged by their intentions and not the impact of their words or behaviour are narcissists.

Show quote history

Interesting. Tell me more?

Cornishclio · 14/04/2025 18:25

It beats me why some men find putting their partners down either by humiliating or embarrassing them is funny. My husband has a tendency to open his mouth before engaging his brain and making a comment he thinks is witty but is actually quite hurtful. I call him out on it each time. Maybe your husband is the same and it infuriates me when they say you can’t take a joke. A joke doesn’t involve embarrassing anyone else. That’s just nasty.

DrummingMousWife · 14/04/2025 18:28

next time say “my arse, but dads penis - yeah! It really is that small! “

but then I am quite childish.

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