Husband acting strangely

[Hereforadvice1]

Hi all
I need some help. Please bear with me, I've never posted here before.
DC had his 7th birthday on Friday. Husband has been acting stressed and when I asked him to work from home Friday (which he's allowed to do occasionally) so that we could spend a bit longer opening birthday presents in the morning it was met with resistance. He did end up working from home and I took out son out to see a friend so that DH could get some space to work (it's Easter holidays so DC off school) I should add that I was also working but just did this on the move.
Friday evening rolls around and DH falls asleep on the sofa, I asked him to wake up because I wanted to give DC his birthday cake. When I woke DH up he said 'it's always all about you' I was shocked and really hurt, how could he say that when I was trying to serve out only child his birthday cake at 5pm in the afternoon. Saturday (yesterday) we had a party at my mums house for DC birthday. Family, friends and neighbours invited. My mum had asked DH, DC and I to arrive 2 hours before the start to setup.
DH hadn't seen his mum since mothers day, and because she was attending the party he decided to drop DC and I to setup whilst he went to Tesco to get her some flowers and gifts. He didn't help at all with the setup, and got back just in time for the party to start (I later found out he had also gone to get the car washed!)
He didn't help during the party, I had to ask him to take pictures. After the party he dropped us home and went straight to the pub
I've tried to talk to him and he genuinely seems to not know what he's done.
AIBU?
I'm really upset and just gutted as he spoiled the last couple of days for me.

I’m sorry but being wildly up and down really could point to another woman. Sounds like you have tried so hard to put on a special day for your DC including your own mum.
i honestly believe going to buy gifts for his own mum was probably an excuse to speak to OW.
i hope I’m wrong though.
How is your relationship on a whole?

Yes, he helped me to get DC presents a few weeks ago. We have a family day planned next week.
Yes, thank you I will see how the next few days play out x

These threads are shit. Women who have stressful jobs either suck it up and do whatever it takes to propritise their child on their birthday, or if they really can't cope they talk to their partner and explain how they're feeling and ask for help. They don't shout at their partner for asking to cut the cake (that they likely had fuck all to do with organising), and they don't fuck off and deliberately leave all the party prep for everyone else and then fuck off straight after. Man treats his family like absolute dog shit on his yound kids birthday and everyone's trying to second guess what the issue is that means it's not his fault. It would have to be something pretty fucking major like a death or redundancy to excuse that sort of behaviour without explanation, in my view

To be honest I would be a bit like your DH. You have come up with all these plans. He can’t really object because it’s his son’s birthday but he isn’t totally eager about the whole thing. In the future you may find yourself in the same position if he and your son plan something like a birthday cycle ride (insert something you aren’t totally up for) and you have to dust off your cycling shorts and get the bikes on the bike rack.

I bet she would still do it with so much enthusiasm though even if it isn’t to her liking. You suck it up for your DC, not fall asleep on the fucking sofa like thoughtless flapping twat

Appreciate you understanding because I feel like I'm going mad trying to understand why this would happen, when I actual fact myself and my child just deserve better!

The problem is we don't know what's going on in your dh's life; is he having problems at work/ mental health problems/ow? Could be any one of them really...

You both deserve better. So he’s going to get gifts for his mum??? But can’t open his eyes to serve cake to your DC. Please don’t listen to other posters saying poor mental health. Such a fucking cop out. Selectively being a shit usually means he’s a shit

Sounds like he’s checked out for marriage. I’d be checking his phone.

I agree with this

There’s someone else. I would start by having a good close look at his phone or laptop.

"Today he's wildly positive". I would be suspicious of another woman OP - and I hate to say that. Personally, if it were me, I'd be on the lookout for the script starting. Keep your wits about you.

No she doesn’t, don’t be silly. Asking you DH to be present on you DS birthday and birthday party is not a lot. What low expectations you have

Ah... Been there.

The checked out then "wildly positive" is classic OW.

They've had a tiff and then she's done/said something to make him giddy so he overcompensates and acts like a teen with a 'big exciting secret.'

Is he one of those who’s jealous of his own child?

Is this behaviour out of character? If there's an issue, for example at work, would he discuss it with you? Is he the type of man to bottle up his emotions? Or if he's upset/stressed etc would you be the first to know? Some people bottle their emotions up, and it can lead to them being quiet, withdrawn, tired and low. Have you asked him if there's anything wrong? Don't misunderstand me, his behaviour is shit. He detached himself from a family occasion, was rude to you and disappeared off on an unnecessary errard. It could be he's stressed or worried. On the other hand, yes an affair is equally possible. I would see how he is over the next few days, see how his mood is etc. If this happens again, you need to tackle it head on.

Tell him next year is his turn. The cake comment is tosser territory.
I would also be watching his behaviour and his distracting fun behaviour.

Yes, I was wondering this.

Is this the first time he’s acted weird about your son or tried to ruin/dampen his special occasions? Has he ever made comments about wanting more of your time or attention or complaining about the time/effort that you give your son?

If not then yeah, I’d be keeping my eyes open for another cause.

This. I wonder if he got a say in any of these arrangements (which admittedly sound pretty dreary.)

This. I wonder if he got a say in any of these arrangements (which admittedly sound pretty dreary.)

It it’s completely out of character then my first thought would be that he’s massively stressed at work. Try gently asking him if he’s okay and is there a problem at work. Hopefully he’ll open up. If he gets all defensive there may be something more sinister going on. If he carries on like this then I’m afraid it suggests he has mentally checked out of family life and your marriage. At which point you can try suggesting marriage counselling, but there’s very little you can do if he doesn’t want to fix things. Do try talking to him though. Marriages have ups and downs, and it could be something you can work through together, it’s all about communication. He was out of order, and you and your child deserve better, but that wouldn’t be my opening line. Kindly enquiring if he’s okay is less confrontational, and likely to get a more sincere apology in the end.

I'd say it's pretty obvious he isn't. The question is why? Get your ducks in a row OP, I suspect the OW may be lurking around the corner.

For the family day out op, step back. Observe. Say I’m taking a walk while you’re getting ready, can you get dc ready. If you pack food ask him to. Ask him to get dcs lunch out. Let him parent and you watch and think. If he gets mad say hang on, I did our child’s birthday party on my own while you decided to wash the car and shop for your mum. I think our child deserves some dad focus and you should be able to do this. I’m not his only parent.

Check his phone

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