Should I just brush it off?

[Greenmeemzheienz]

Don’t know if I’m just overthinking it or being unreasonable but there’s one particular family friend (we’re not close or anything) but we’ve known her and her family for a while and she’s generally nice. However, she appears to be quite well established career wise and has a well paying job etc. I’m a lot younger than her and still starting out career wise I’ve got young children but I do have a plan of what I want to do in the near future. I’ve also got a degree. However, although she doesn’t do it all the time, she sometimes starts asking about my career plans and when I’m gonna leave my current job so I can get a higher paying job. I don’t really know how to describe it but I find it really embarrassing when she brings this up about me “aiming higher” etc (which I absolutely want to do) but it’s a very personal journey and there are other factors involved. But it sometimes feels like she’s maybe pitying me or something or thinks that I’m struggling or something? I don’t know but she did it again very recently but this time it was in front of some of my family members (she had been asking them about their careers as-well) and mentioned how I could be earning something like 5x more than what I’m earning now. I was very embarrassed deep down and kind of laughed nervously and brushed it off but I don’t understand the fascination with my career plans/goals and why she likes to bring it up. I understand it could be coming from a generally lovely/caring place but we can’t just go around advising people about their personal career goals as some people might find it presumptuous. Anyway, just wanted to rant a bit as it kind of spoilt my afternoon a bit 🥹😭

I’ve had this OP and hate it. She’s massively overstepping

I think you framed your answer beautifully

it’s a very personal journey and there are other factors involved.

then move on swiftly with

”can someone please pass the salt”

agree with above she is overstepping in a like rescue way - not her business

I think it's coming from a good place. I think she wants the best for you, and in her mind that's career progression and more money. She can obviously see potential in you. Maybe she is a raging feminist and is sick and tired of seeing mediocre men get ahead while fabulous women accept their lot.

Could you ask in a very non confrontational tone: I've noticed you ask me about career progression - why is that?

Yes that’s what I’m starting to think, because at first I was like, okay fine hmmm, but now it’s starting to annoy me.

You say she also does it to other members of the family though. I can (sort of) understand her interest in you because you are still young and with young children. Maybe it's a feminist angle. But what's the situation with the other people she asks?

Perhaps she is a bit awkward and over-focussed on work herself so she doesn't have much to talk about? She is probably emphasising the importance and value or her own career because doesn't have much else to bring to the conversation. I'd just give her the brush off and say "All in good time" and don't tell her where you are or what you're doing in your career. If she gets too much perhaps cut her down "Yes.. I'm surprised you haven't got further yet, what's your next steps?".

yes I was also bearing this in mind too, I understand that it could be because she sees the potential too and is just rooting for me, but I feel like it’s not really her place to do that - it’s a bit like asking someone every few months “so, you successful yet?” Because that’s basically what it feels like she’s asking me. But yeah, I’m trying to just see the bright side of it and I’m sure her intentions are pure.

Yes I agree, I feel like she’s maybe projecting her own stuff into me and perhaps equates self worth with how far up you are on the career ladder or something ? I don’t even know.

Well, I don’t think she’s a feminist, she doesn’t come across that way at all. I think she just has interest in other people’s journeys. But I think it’s good to be content with where you’re at before thinking about where you want to go

I’d be tempted to call this out but in a polite way. You could say something along the lines of “I dread you doing this to me, it makes me feel really uncomfortable.” If she then trys to deflect it, keep reiterating the point by saying such things as, “but still, it makes me uncomfortable and I’d really rather you didn’t.”
Just keep reiterating this. She’ll get the message eventually. If she doesn’t, just move away from her or begin a conversation with someone else.
i hate unsolicited advice!

I do think it's quite rude and insensitive of her How does she know your earning potential and chances of progression? Unless she is in your field, for all she knows you could have gone as far as you can and comments about progression could make someone feel pretty crap!
If you are in the same field and she thinks you are at a company that underpay staff and don't support progression, or if you have worked together before and she has witnessed your work ethic and abilities, I could understand where she was coming from.

@Greenmeemzheienz Brush it off? Hell no. You don’t let someone frame your life like it’s underperforming just because it doesn’t match their timeline or salary expectations. Smile, nod, and keep your cards close. You’ve got a plan, good. Stick to it. Next time she brings it up, look her dead in the eye and say, "I’m building something solid, not chasing headlines." That shuts it down without making a scene.

Well, I don’t know if I’d have the confidence to call her out as I’d probably end up getting a bit emotional (not in the crying sense, but perhaps passionate) as I’ve been though a lot and she doesn’t know my personal story etc. so I think I might just let it slide for now 😭