Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are some men like this !

23 replies

TheThreeMiracles · 12/04/2025 23:12

I’m 31 weeks pregnant ( carry on the big bump size, you’d think I was due any time now ) anyway for weeks I’ve been asking my partner if he could get my clothes down for me ( they are in boxes stacked on top of a chest of drawers and quite heavy ) I’ve asked him several times as I’m getting uncomfortable and I know there are some tops and shorts in there that I could use and be more comfy ! A few times I’ve asked he’s forgot ! But today he told me his mum has asked him to help her move some heavy furniture for her house move and of course he said yes and will go ahead next week or when ever it is, yet I’ve asked him to lift one or two boxes so I can be comfortable and still not been lifted down or has an excuse each time ! AIBU to be pissed Off? FWIW I’ve got one pair of “ comfy “ leggings that fit for now !!

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 12/04/2025 23:17

Insist, OP. Tell him he can’t go to his DM’s until he’s lifted your boxes down. He’s being v unreasonable. Remind him that you can’t do it because of the health of your unborn baby. Waft round in nightwear and be persistent!

WxyzWxyz · 13/04/2025 01:02

If he can't do this small thing for you before the baby is born OP it doesn't bode well for what he'll be like after the birth.

And does his mother always take priority over you?

You really need to tell him in no uncertain terms that what you are asking him to do is actually important because you haven't got stuff to wear. Ask him how he will feel if you have to put your baby and yourself at risk by moving the boxes yourself.

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 13/04/2025 01:43

On being asked he should have just done it,op isn't exactly asking for the earth.

everythingeverything1981 · 13/04/2025 01:55

He's a knob and doesn't like or value you very much.

BlondiePortz · 13/04/2025 02:41

sesquipedalian · 12/04/2025 23:17

Insist, OP. Tell him he can’t go to his DM’s until he’s lifted your boxes down. He’s being v unreasonable. Remind him that you can’t do it because of the health of your unborn baby. Waft round in nightwear and be persistent!

He is not a child you can't insist anything to an adult, this place is like a surreal universe sometimes, he can go to his DMs when he wants too

You can keep on asking but you are both adults you can't do more than that

ThisFluentBiscuit · 13/04/2025 02:46

Oh God, I would be so mad. It's this general uselessness that gave me the ick about my exH, among many, many other things. He had to ask me where the towels were kept when his mum came to stay...in a 2-bed flat.

But anyway, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Let's assume that when you said you had nothing to wear, he didn't think you meant literally. TELL HIM that you are getting very uncomfortable and that you have virtually nothing to wear because you have grown out of your clothes.

I'm so mad on your behalf.

NaiceBalonz · 13/04/2025 03:05

BlondiePortz · 13/04/2025 02:41

He is not a child you can't insist anything to an adult, this place is like a surreal universe sometimes, he can go to his DMs when he wants too

You can keep on asking but you are both adults you can't do more than that

Show quote history

Exactly, nice to see some sense on here.

All this crap about him being unlikely to be a good dad if he won't get you a box, absolutely ridiculous.

Nopersbro · 13/04/2025 03:17

A few times I’ve asked he’s forgot !

How? Does he have to go to another location to get these things down from the shelf for you? Or are they up on shelves in the place where both of you live, or where you live and he's visiting you when you ask?

If no travel is needed, tell him one more time that you need these things now, and request that he get them down for you now, while you watch. You two are having a baby together. You're growing the baby in your body and he is not. Do you seriously not see that this is just a very tiny thing that he should reasonably do for you - or if he somehow can't, because of a hidden disability or something he should TELL YOU that he can't and let you make other arrangements?

Ignore the performative misogynists here; this place attracts them like flies to flypaper.

Rainydaysandwellybobs · 13/04/2025 06:17

Not the point I know but just nip to primark and buy a few bits that fit you!
If you are struggling to get out and about ASOS do next day delivery.

Original poster
TheThreeMiracles · 13/04/2025 06:33

thank you for your replies! The clothes are in a room in our home next to our bedroom so he’s not got to to far!
his mum is due today to visit and I’m very tempted to sit in bra and knickers ( that’s how angry he’s made me over it ) they would really frown as to why I’m not dressed ! X

OP posts:
Leafy74 · 13/04/2025 06:36

sesquipedalian · 12/04/2025 23:17

Insist, OP. Tell him he can’t go to his DM’s until he’s lifted your boxes down. He’s being v unreasonable. Remind him that you can’t do it because of the health of your unborn baby. Waft round in nightwear and be persistent!

He does sound really unpleasant for not doing this simple thing for the OP. However, if a woman came on here and said her husband told her she is not allowed to visit her mother until she does something there would be all hell to pay.

Oldmothershrubboard · 13/04/2025 06:39

Tell him you're taking out £250 to pay the handyman who is coming round later to move the boxes down for you and he needs to pay his share..

Shoxfordian · 13/04/2025 06:49

I hope he's a lot more helpful when you have the baby but it's not looking good is it?

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 13/04/2025 07:06

NaiceBalonz · 13/04/2025 03:05

Exactly, nice to see some sense on here.

All this crap about him being unlikely to be a good dad if he won't get you a box, absolutely ridiculous.

Show quote history

How is it ridiculous?

His pregnant wife has been asking him for weeks to do a task that she can't safely and easily do herself.

It would take him 5 minutes.

She isn't saying he can't go to his mums, just that she would like him to do this one thing for her.

She is literally carrying his child and he can't be arsed to get her a box??

A bad husband can't be a good father. How he treats his wife is a reflection of his ethos within a family. And if he can't be bothered with a box, is he really going to do 50% of the parenting that he doesn't deem as fun?

MightyGoldBear · 13/04/2025 07:23

So sorry op. You need to sit down with him and have a chat. Will he act defensive annoyed angry at you "having a go at him"? Or will he be genuinely upset that he has been completely thoughtless towards you and vow to change and actually change do you think?

5128gap · 13/04/2025 07:25

I'm sorry OP, but keeping your day to day clothes in a box on a chest that you can't lift is not a sensible arrangement at all. What if you spilled something and needed to change when he was out? You need a better solution for the time you are going to struggle which is at least until the birth and potentially beyond, that gives you more independence, for your own sake. Instead of relying on him on every day, go for a one and done approach and get him to make some adjustments so you can get to your stuff. Where does he keep his clothes? Can he swap and use the boxes and you have his storage? His response to a request to put some effort in to resolve the problem will tell you whether this is about him being lazy and uncaring, or simply forgetful and/or irritated by an impractical situation.

Original poster
TheThreeMiracles · 13/04/2025 07:29

They’re not my day to day clothes they’re what I’ve put up ( early pregnancy for when I got bigger )
he’ll get all defensive because he forgot !! But he doesn’t forget to help his mum or go to football etc xx

OP posts:
MightyGoldBear · 13/04/2025 07:37

I learnt the hard way in relationships and when things happened like this and it was always more than once and despite saying it wasn't their intention they always did it again.
I just simply wasn't a priority to them. They didn't see my needs at all. What I wanted wasn't important. They were selfish and would choose themselves over me everytime. They would of made awful fathers.

mickandrorty · 13/04/2025 08:01

The way I have found around this is by saying now 'can we get them boxes down now please' If I don't and just say 'can you get the boxes down' it can take days/weeks/never I don't think there is any malice in it and he does just forget but it is still really annoying.

5128gap · 13/04/2025 08:08

TheThreeMiracles · 13/04/2025 07:29

They’re not my day to day clothes they’re what I’ve put up ( early pregnancy for when I got bigger )
he’ll get all defensive because he forgot !! But he doesn’t forget to help his mum or go to football etc xx

Ah, I see! Sorry. Definitely not on.

TheMovieFlopped · 13/04/2025 08:20

Sit in your bra and knickers and hide the car keys. He can have the keys back when he’s got the boxes down. I’m sure his mum will understand that you want to be comfortable whilst pregnant with her grandchild.

Original poster
TheThreeMiracles · 13/04/2025 08:22

no she wouldn’t see it like that it’ll be her poor son having to put up with such a scruff like me 😂 honest that’s how it is ! Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
TheThreeMiracles · 13/04/2025 09:03

He saw me come upstairs with the black bags and said “ oh do you want me to get the clothes down now “ no shit Sherlock ! Now his sulking because I’ve found a way I can do it without putting him out ! X

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page