To get this irritated by my four year old?

[landofchocolate]

He has lovely points but we’re in such a negative cycle. I know I’m over critical and nag at him all the time. But some stuff … you can’t ignore.

Irritating his sister. Running round a place (that’s not appropriate to run round in.) Standing on things that aren’t to be stood on (sisters toys mostly.)

Tends to ignore telling off or responds with ‘you’re a poo poo head.’ Consequences … nah. Either make him angry or just don’t seem to marry the behaviour with the consequence IYSWIM.

And I am worried. I’m worried that we’re going to grow into a negative behaviour cycle where he feels I never say anything nice. And I do, I do praise the good but he doesn’t seem bothered by it.

Have tried a few books, haven’t found them very helpful TBH.

Initiate change. Don’t wait on the negative. Praise him,acknowledge him,when he’s just doing his thing. Say Thanks for getting dressed for mummy! Give him little Jobs, make him feel valued. reframe and get out the criticism cycle

I know I’m over critical and nag at him all the time

You’ve named your problem right here.

Stop with the negative language and the constant telling off. You can change his behaviour in a positive way without telling him off and making him feel got at.

Positive language when addressing a negative behaviour. Instead of “no don’t stand on the chair!” Reframe with “chairs are for sitting on”. Instead of “don’t run around”, reframe with “we need to be calm here” and distract.

Does he start school this time? A friend wisely told me the summer before school is the most horrible. Maybe he’s just started a bit early?

Why would your friend say that?

I know you said you hadn't found books helped, however a book I found useful was 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child (Jeffrey Bernstein). It had a lot of practical tips.

And boy did I need them!!! Solidarity.