How to arrange contact visits with DC father?

[roselinaaa]

So basically I am separated from DC father for a number of reasons mainly due to his verbal abuse.

Every time he visits DC he will always raise his voice to me, and cause some kind of argument.

I have a very nosey neighbour who listens to our convos on our Ringdoorbell - she asked me at Xmas is everything was OK as she had heard what he was saying too me.

I have told him several times now to not raise his voice to me when we are outside the house as she listens on her Ringdoor bell - today he has come and done it again so I have had to ask him to leave.

I swear I think he does it on purpose at Xmas he was shouting “I am going to get DC taken away if I can’t have DC” and she heard it all as she asked me about it.

Am I being unreasonable for asking him to keep his voice down as I don’t want neighbours hearing my business?
He says he will talk how he pleases and doesn’t care about neighbours listening.

Am I weird or something for feeling like this?

I don’t want him visiting DC here anymore as it just causes a negative environment how would I go about arranging visits outside my home?

How old is DC?

DC is 2

You are entitled to not have him in your own and you tell him that he can collect the DC at X time for Y hours and if he doesn’t agree to book mediation.

He’s abusive so you will be signed off from having to do the mediation and then he would have to take it court for a CAO

Move all communication with him onto a court approved app now. So any written abuse can be shown as evidence in court.

The abuse is mainly verbal like shouting at me calling me names.

I don’t think I even want him coming here collecting DC as he will start arguing as soon as he pulls up.

Is there a neutral person you could drop the child to?

Otherwise, you could simply hand the child over on the doorstep and say nothing at all. Grey rock is one strategy.

Aside from that, get a court approved parenting app and do all comms through that. Refuse to answer anything that's not via the app. That means any threats etc are on the record.

It’s unreasonable to worry more about the neighbours hearing your business than you’re 2 year old being exposed to domestic abuse. For their sake you need to stop having contact in your home asap. Google contact centres and the name of your county. There will likely be a private contact centre but he will need to pay to use this. Alternatively you can use a family member for handover and he’ll need to take your son in the community.

The issue here isn’t that your neighbours can hear him, it’s that he is being abusive to you in front of your DC. I would be asking the neighbour if she could let you have any recordings of him being abusive towards you in order to prove how abusive he is. Your neighbour isn’t being nosey, she is being supportive.

Get a court approved app and communicate only via that. Look for a contact centre and he gets his family time there, supervised, and you don't need to see him or have any interaction with him.
Your neighbour's doorbell recording could be helpful evidence of his abusive manner. She's got your back, I would say.

Thankyou got the advice.
im going to go for the contact visit option as I can’t bare to have him in my house.

Reallly fed up of him and I have recordings of him on my own ring door bell, my sister thinks I should log the abuse with the police.

Log the abuse
Be thankful you have a witness and a neighbour who is looking out for you

Absolutely log the abuse as then it is evidence as to why a contact centre needs to be used paid for by him.

I agree with your sister. Also this is not an example of acceptable behaviour to model to your dc, or behaviour you want him exposed to. Good luck!