To wonder how you forgive yourself for being with a guy who was below your level and didn’t treat you right?

[ForBreezySloth]

Looking back, I can’t help but feel like I settled for someone who didn’t deserve me. He wasn’t on my level and didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. How do you get past the regret and truly forgive yourself for allowing that to happen? I’m trying to figure out how to move forward without feeling like I made a huge mistake.

I dated a man who was beneath me.

except he wasn’t. No one is better or worse than anyone else. Lots of people said I deserved better but he was human just as much as me

I was married to someone that people were surprised I was with - he was not particularly attractive or intelligent, had a mediocre career etc. Little did they know he was also a serial cheat, bad husband, bad father and had no redeeming qualities. I had very low self esteem and thought I didn’t deserve decent. It’s hard to forgive yourself for being such an idiot to actively choose to be with someone who was a bit of a shit in all ways (despite being warned he was a shit).

Why the dramatics?? forgive yourself?? Really??

Why not just think, Christ I had a lucky escape there and move on?

In my experience because I was stuck in an abusive relationship for three decades. It’s not always easy to leave, chalk it up to experience and move on.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on
How did he not treat you the way you deserved to be treated

This. Even if you did make a huge mistake, that's ok. We all do. Be glad you've moved on.

Shit happens, life moves on 🤷

Also curious about what the level means

You made a bad call and now you've rectified it. There's nothing to forgive.

We all do it, make bad decisions that looking back we wonder why we did. You just chalk it up to life and move on making better decisions.

I learned a lot from dating men who treated me badly.

I learned that I didn't ever want to behave like them (I knew that already, but I had trauma in my past so I've not always behaved ideally in previous relationships).

I learned that I'm strong enough to stand up for myself and seek better.

I learned that I can cut men out of my life and I'll be fine afterwards.

I learned that I love being single.

I learned how to spot danger signs when beginning a relationship.

I learned how to support others in bad situations.

It was shit at the time and of course I kick myself for giving more chances than I should. But overall, I feel happier and more confident now because of those experiences.

Phew, what a relief. I’ll be sure to tell my adult sons that I made a bad call. We all make mistakes. I’ll make better decisions in the future. And let them know that they are being dramatic if they don’t immediately get over a childhood characterised by abuse.

Shit happens. We all make mistakes. No need to dwell on it.

People aren't answering the post based on your past. They're answering the question the OP asked. She doesn't need forgiveness, she can use it as a learning experience for future relationships.

What you're doing is making it about you.

What? why do you need to forgive yourself? I was with a woman beating piece of shit. I left, I didn't need to forgive myself I just got on with my life, that's what people do there's really no need for all this overthinking.

Not your thread, not your circumstances! It is not about your life!

Got decent child maintenance, and a fair financial settlement splitting our properties, and now I don't think of him at all. Why would I?

His loss (both me and the kids he barely bothers with - he cares about the maintenance more, which certainly speaks to his character). I'm doing great, my financial security (whilst technically not as good as his, I know him and he'll blow through whatever comes to him because he's an idiot, whereas I plan) is on track, as is my career/retirement, and my kids are lovely. It's entirely his loss.