Banging in the ceiling noise sensitive neighbours.

[Sunshinemornings]

Name changed for this. We have moved into a new property just a few weeks ago. We have got 2 children who are very young. The very first night we moved in (less than 3 hours) we got a letter through the door from downstairs neighbours claiming we make so much noise it stops them from enjoying their life. I went to introduce myself was very friendly and explained that we only just moved in and since nobody was living in the flat in the past 2 months at least it was understandable that it will be noisier now. The flat is a new building time of flat with carpets in the bedrooms and nowhere else. We had to spend all our money to move here so havent got anything spare at the moment for 'sound proofing ' etc but getting a few rugs is on our priority list. There are lots of families in the property and lots of children.

One of our children who is 7 stomps slightly when he walks it gets worser when he is rushing or angry. We always remind him not to do that and to use gentle feet. Each time he been doing that lately our neighbours bang the ceiling with some stick which leads to him getting scared and having a tantrum. They then bang even more because he is crying. Kids are usually in a great routine and are asleep from 20 pm till 7 am. During school days they are also away till 17 (after school classes).

Neighbours bang every time they play on the carpet after school from 17.30 till 18.30. They do argue with each other some times or drop things by accident but we remind them that they need to use quite voices etc as soon as possible so we do parent and not leave them to shout for long. However, our neighbours are very unhappy with the sole fact that we live there and I am worried about the steps they can take to kick us out. They also rent but appear to be very noise sensitive.

We have also got fire doors in the property that slam instead of closing every time anyone is slightly not careful enough to hold it. We use doorstoppers and sometimes they come off producing more noise. I have become paranoid about the living noise we make and feel for the neighbours but also know that we are not doing it on purpouse, kids dont play football or ride anything in the house but of course are not angels and can accidently jump off the bunk bed etc and we tell them immediately not to do that but the banging starts . I just feel terrified for when they will have holidays or playdates and there will be more noise as I just cant stop them from making it, I can only deal with the noise they already made etc.

Kids are 5 and 7. AIBU to feel like we should also be allowed to be able to enjoy our life in the flat?

Nope, they are unreasonable.
I live in a flat, new build, I also asked my upper neighbours to be more silent. But with an extremely happy card, not accusing them, in a light tone, and only asked for awareness at night time. They stump around all day, but use to do so at nighttime as well. Nights are better now, days not. But I accept it as my problem. I can sleep through the night and everything else is what it is.
Do not make it your problem, don't take it personally. Let them stew and brew and hopefully implode. You have done everything you can. If they cant live like this, they are the ones not suited for life in a shared building.
Enjoy your life, they will probably sort themselves out. But keep your distance,don't engage. You probably can do no right in their eyes, stop trying. Its a type of person, they will never be happy. Sort of a "anything you say can and will be used against you"-type of situation.
You do you.
😇

Why would you move into an upstairs flat with mainly hard floors when you have 2 young children? That’s asking for trouble with the downstairs neighbours to be frank.

We asked the landlord (big company) about other options on the lower floors and they insisted that this one was by far the biggest flat they had and that there are plenty of families living in the apartment block. We didnt have much time or options anywhere else as the previous landlord decided to sell. However, in exactly the same way we can ask what made them not rent on the very top floor?

Thats why I am asking as to what steps can they legally take to kick us out ? Its a day time noise obviously only which is worser during weekends or school holidays. They once banged the ceiling when my 5 year old tripped over, fell down and cried for 1 min. I was hugging him whilst they were banging the ceiling it was 18 pm and we have only been in the house for 1 hour since leaving at 7 am. We pay exactly the same rent as them and also deserve to stay in the house at least a few hours a day.

DH says its best not to engage as I already spoke to them and they would still be unhappy as they sent the first letter on our very first evening in the property after 3 hours of us stepping in.

Carry on as you are. Do not apologise for making family noise. I think that people forget what it’s like to have children. Your neighbours are probably poised to bang and complain if they hear a pin drop. Learn to ignore them. Enjoy your home. If they don’t like it - they can move. It’s unreasonable for them to expect you to live in silence.

Are you English? From the way you write I think it might not be your first language. That might be your neighbours’ issue, sadly.

My neighbours are not English too and how is it even relevant ?

New builds can be quite bad for soundproofing. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong and some people can not be pleased no matter what you do. However if you can be bothered to then I don’t think carpets/rugs will make much difference if the build quality is that poor (re sound proofing). Your best bet, when you can afford to, may be to get those large rubber style square things that join together like jigsaw puzzles. And maybe a rug over that . It won’t look great but it will help disguise (very normal, day to day) child sounds. But I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.

@ClaudiusTheGod
Huh

I’d be tempted to make it a game and stamp back echoing the beat your neighbour started but that might not help your situation. I would just ensure your landlord knows you have taken all reasonable steps to not create noise nuisance but remember you have the right to live your life normally too.

We had this. They kept threatening to report us, but we reported them first after they started playing loud music with swear words followed by a prolonged period of screaming loudly ( after my toddler walked across the floor after having dinner).

The guy from the Council spoke to us both separately and then told them in no uncertain terms that the noise we were making was normal family noise at normal times and if they bothered us again he would require their landlord to take action against them. They moved out shortly afterwards : )

@Sunshinemornings
I dont think they can do much besides making your daily life difficult. They might tone in when having to explain themselves to outsiders.
It might be something to think about.
Turning it around on them.
Banging, upsetting your kids, and so on

Ha this I mean, you be first!😄

No, all they could do is record the noise and complain to the council, which if it's just family noise as you say they'll be laughed out the office. I'd turn up the music when they start banging and say that there's an irritating banging coming from down below and you need to drown it out.

Honestly? I’d get your complaint in first. They are trying to intimidate you and your children.

You're not being anti-social, nobody they complain to will be bothered about general household day time noise. Authorities barely do anything about actual anti-social behaviour after 11pm let alone anything else.

Be mindful of course, get rugs ASAP, but don’t be bullied into keeping your children silent.

You poor things. Your neighbours are bullying you. Please don't let them scare you into moving or not feeling comfortable in your own home. Live with consideration but not obsessional care and if your neighbours continue to give you grief report them to the landlord. Their behaviour is far more unreasonable than yours especially given they were complaining within hours of you moving in!

I'm really sorry. You don't have to put up with this. I think you've tried being friendly and they're enjoying being cruel to you. As someone who dealt with noisy neighbours, you're just living there. I would complain to the council/landlord about their behaviour to be honest. People cannot live in silence. If they want to they should get somewhere detached.

To be clear OP, they are harassing you and you can report them to the Council, or, if you both have an RSL landlord, to them.

I think you can turn it back on them. Short polite note saying you are making normal family noise and they are harassing you by banging on the ceiling. Keep a log and if they persist then report them to the landlord (if it’s the same landlord) or to the council https://www.gov.uk/how-to-resolve-neighbour-disputes

Some people have no choice. But you could just as easily say why do people who don't like noise live in a downstairs flat?

@Sunshinemornings you are within the acceptable daytime noise!! they are obviously just moaners. dont worry about it!

This is obviously acceptable family noise and you are doing nothing wrong, but do think about carpeting the rest of the flat. It’s hard to overstate just how noisy ordinary steps are in a downstairs flat when there are no carpets. Rugs don’t cut it - proper underlay and carpet will help.

If they live in a flat, they have to deal with reasonable noise from upstairs neighbours. It sounds like you're trying to be reasonable.

There are small things you can do that help- like children being barefoot rather than in firm shoes. That really helps with the floor slapping.

DH and DS1 both slap the floor as they walk.

It’s probably worth playing games with them about tiptoeing (grandmother’s footsteps?) and being very very quiet (sleeping lions and hide and seek). Not to keep them quiet, but to help them learn how to control their bodies and moderate their volume. I really wish DH’s mum had with him 🤣😅

The rubber playmats a PP mentioned are great, especially when you get to the ‘tipping Lego out’ phase of life.

As I said we are not actually in a position to pay for it at the moment we can only ask the landlord who will most likely say no. They mostly bang on the ceiling in our kids bedroom (which is also their bedroom) and its the room that has got the carpet . I cant predict when my children will drop something or trip over as I can only remind them and parent after they actually make the noise however the neighbours expect me somehow to be able to control every step my kids make and it is affecting me . Today I took my kids to the park at 9 am for 3 hours as they dropped a water bottle on the floor at 8.50 and our neighbours banged 10 times afterwards.

Follow previous posters advice and make a complaint yourself. I don’t think the neighbours will get any better and they are bullying you.