To wonder if you’d think this if fair given he does next to no parenting?

[Halllak]

Ex dp sees dd most weekends from around 11am to 7pm Sunday. We often do things together (we are working on perhaps reconciling). Dd is 2. He stays over as he currently lives quite far for work purposes. I do everything for dd in the week as well as working full time.

Ex earns around 40k more than me although I am on a decent salary too. He pays me 1k a month which covers nursery and all food. I buy nappies and wipes. He will get her extras like clothes or toys too.

I feel incredibly resentful that everything is left to me to do. I know it is obviously lovely I get to be there for all of Dd’s week and I don’t resent that as such, but I find it very hard doing it all. Ex thinks the amount of money he gives represents his acknowledgment and appreciation that I am doing so much. Do you agree? Am I being unfair to feel resentful? There’s not much I can do about it anyway as his work has always been on short contracts and he’s moved around. But I hate that I feel so badly treated and not even sure if I’m justified in feeling that way.

If he’s always worked away I’m not sure what you expected really given he IS present when there.

I have two friends in a similar position and they were fully cognisant before having babies. One even wasn’t expecting her DH to be at the birth reliably.

I’m not saying it’s easy but it seems like a situation that was avoidable.

So if you were together dp would essentially be working away during the week and home weekends? So parenting wouldn't change.

Is his money in the region that paying for help during the week like a housekeeper - meal prep or cleaner or both would make a difference?

I don’t think this op will be back

This was what I was thinking.

If you know that the person works away a lot, does shift work etc., then this should be factored in at the start.

It sounds like my cousin. He contracts for oil companies. Often away 4 weeks at a time. But they knew this and, because they are a partnership and talk to each other, how they deal with parenting and fairness etc., evolved over time.

If he earns well, but on short term contracts, does he have to follow the work? If so, it’s difficult to be a day to day parent if you’re working all over.

Thats what is making you resentful and it doesn’t look as though it will change, providing he needs to keep earning the money. Getting back together won’t change anything if nothing else changes, except building your resentment.

No, those handed their arse sell them are🤣

Do you have a cleaner etc so outsource as much as you can?

She may get less on cms though. £<100 a month is quite generous

£1000 . Bloody fat fingers