To be annoyed at how my mum parents my brother?

[ithoughtidask]

NC’d because my mum could see this and I’m prepared to be flamed for this.

For context, I have a half-brother 15 years younger than me. I don’t call him a half brother btw, but it’s for context. I was raised by my grandparents for various reasons that I don’t want to derail the thread into. But it was very different to how my brother is being brought up (by my mum and her husband). I was treated lovingly but very firmly and was very well-behaved. My brother on the other hand is allowed to do and say anything he wants without any repercussions (he’s pre-teen). I was on the phone to my mum a few weeks ago and he was telling her to leave the living room (that she was in first) because he didn’t want to hear her, then told her to leave the dining room as he could still hear her. And she did! He was really rude in both what he said and the way he said it to her, which is standard. He never asks if he can have something, he demands it. I asked my mum why she puts up with it and she said so that she can have peace. As a result, I find his behaviour and attitude hard to put up with and sometimes call him out for it but then she gets on at me for ‘telling him off’. Her husband tries to be a bit firmer than my mum but not by much. He just spends his time not at school gaming in his room and being really rude and literally never pulled up on it or told off. However, I’m currently annoyed about another situation with my mum so I don’t know if it’s clouding my judgement. I just don’t want him to grow up being rude and entitled, I love him. AIBU?

YANBU I’d be annoyed too, but if you’ve spoken to your mum about it and she won’t change then there’s not much you can do. If I were you I’d have a chat with him 1-2-1 and say your mum might put up with his behaviour but you won’t. You think it’s rude and you won’t tolerate it, it might not do much to change his ways if his parents continue to put up with it but at least he might learn he can’t be rude to you. Eg. If it was you in the house on the phone and he asked you to leave, I’d just say no I was here first and just refuse. Hopefully he’ll learn he won’t get his own way with you and you won’t back down

He needs his big sister, nudge him into line. It’s the way of the world.

The thing is, I only see him 1-2 times a year as I live far away. But I call regularly (including calling him directly) and it’s always the same.

Yanbu. Your mum & step dad are lazy parents, it's their job to set their kids boundaries and teach them what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. They just want an easy life by the sounds of it. Feel a bit sorry for your step-brother, they're not doing him any favours long-term.

She's not doing him any favours. His future potential partners and work colleagues won't like his behaviour

@Pandimoanymumthats exactly what I’m concerned about- long term. I know that he’s a good person but they’re allowing him to morph into being rude and inconsiderate and I find it really upsetting. And you’ve hit the nail on the head, it’s because they can’t be bothered.

He’s spoilt . He will soon learn out in the real world that his attitude is unacceptable to most people . It’s your mum’s fault .

I assume it’s bothering you because you weren’t brought up by your mother, for whatever reason. Otherwise I’d say it was none of your affair to intervene in the parenting of someone you see twice a year, but in the circumstances, I could see how it might land the way it has, especially if you were much more strictly brought up.

Oh how I feel for you in this situation sorry I’m no help but I’ve seen parenting differently in my family eg step children being really strict but others not and they wonder why that step child doesn’t communicate etc now I used to speak up but it fell on deaf ear so sad