To be upset that my male friend is stonewalling me after a fallout?

[MyHeartyBlueShaker]

I have a close male friend and we’ve had a good friendship overall. We’re very close, have supported each other emotionally and practically and when things are good, we genuinely get on so well.

However, we recently had a minor argument. We both said things that upset each other (nothing abusive or cruel, just said some things that were blunt in frustration). I apologised sincerely afterward and he also apologised and said we’d talk soon to move past it. He promised to call me. That was two weeks ago.

Since then, he hasn’t contacted me at all. I’ve tried calling once or twice, sent a couple of messages early on, but haven’t chased him since. He’s completely ignored my messages (hasn’t even read the most recent ones) and never called like he said he would.

AIBU to feel hurt and frustrated that I’m being stonewalled like this by such a close friend? Is this normal in friendships or am I right to question whether this is even a real friendship anymore?

Sorry but is the fact he is a male friend relevant?

Maybe it's too soon?
Give him some more time, and space.

You had a nasty argument so perhaps he just needs some space. Just because you’ve apologised to each other, that doesn’t mean everything’s immediately fine again.

Also, two weeks isn’t a long time, surely. I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid if I didn’t hear from a mate for two weeks. Your friendship sounds a bit claustrophobic if you’re panicking after a fortnight of not speaking and having heated rows.

Interesting that you seem so keen to emphasise, even in your title, that it’s a male friend. Is there more to this, by any chance?

You haven't said what the argument was about but it sounds like it was a lot more minor for you than him.

I only mentioned he’s male because I’ve noticed a pattern in our friendship that might be shaped by how he processes emotion or conflict - he often withdraws completely instead of talking things through. I haven’t experienced this with my female friendships and do tend to see it more in men. It might not be about gender per se but I included it in case that context mattered to how others interpreted the situation or gave advice.

Has he recently got a new partner?
If so I'd say he is otherwise engaged.

Yeah I think it is.

i like as much detail as possible from the OP.

I think this is why I'm a bit sceptical about having " close" male friends.
I'm not talking about not having male friends because sexual attraction gets in the way. I'm talking about differences in communication styles, perspectives on life, expectations etc. So that whereas men and women can be friends I think being a really close friend is not feasible.

I think it sounds as though his different emotional style means he is OK with just cutting off the friendship because he no longer sees it as beneficial to him.

You’ve recently posted about needing space and going off grid and not being contactable. Yet when someone does that to you you’re posting again as it’s an issue for you? Maybe make your mind up? You can’t do this to other people then have an issue when they do the same back.

How often are you having conflict with this friend that you've noticed a pattern of withdrawal? It seems unusual and maybe he's done with the drama. I'd walk away from a friendship with even irregular conflict.

I understand how it might look that way but it’s not quite the same. When I’ve needed space or gone quiet, I’ve always communicated that - it’s never been about ghosting or ignoring someone indefinitely. What’s hard here is that this person promised to call, agreed we’d talk and then completely shut down. It’s not about needing space, it’s the lack of communication especially after making a commitment, that feels hurtful.

Is it irrelevant? Even if it were why are you nitpicking?

This is actually our first proper fallout but I’ve noticed in emotionally uncomfortable moments, like difficult conversations or small tensions, he tends to withdraw instead of addressing things. So while this is the first time things have gone fully silent, it’s part of a wider pattern I’ve seen in how he handles emotional discomfort.

I wasn't " nit picking".
I genuinely wanted to know why the thread was specifically about a male friend and not just about a friend.
And actually OP answered this question with a good explanation as why the maleness was relevant.

Fwiw I'm currently in your friend's position.

I'm not communicating it because Frank they behaved so that poorly I just don't want anything to do with them. I expect we will move past it at some point but I'm currently so hurt and angry and my life is easier without the drama amdni meed that right now.

My advice is don't poke at this for a few months.

shaped by how he processes emotion or conflict - he often withdraws completely instead of talking things through.

What’s hard here is that this person promised to call, agreed we’d talk and then completely shut down. It’s not about needing space, it’s the lack of communication especially after making a commitment, that feels hurtful.

Who are you to say it's not about needing space? You have no idea where his head is at. I've no idea what was said but you did mention hurtful and blunt. (We both said things that upset each other)

Maybe he said what he said to get out of the situation 🤔 and that the promise to call and chat was simply to get away. Definitely looks like you're being ghosted. Respect that and leave him be.

After all, what was said may have crossed a line. You can't say what he took from the situation.

He actually got in touch this morning. I’m still figuring out where I stand with it but just to say, I’m here to reflect and gain perspective, not to be judged. I’m not sure why your tone feels so sharp but I do appreciate that people come from different experiences.

Is the friendship worth this drama?

What did you fall out about and what did you say to each other? It’s hard to gauge his response without knowing the seriousness of the initial fall out. It might have hurt him a lot more than he said and maybe he has thought about it after and hasn’t been able to move past it.