To think it's ADHD - opinions very much appreciated!

[Richteafinger]

I've always been messy and disorganised but after having my daughter 2 years ago it has all got much more intense, I think as I was able to mitigate my own behaviour much more easily when I didn't have a little one to think about. At first I blamed tiredness but I'm really not sure.

Half of me thinks it's just "jumping on the bandwagon" but if I might have ADHD and could try medication, it could be life changing as I often feel very down and ashamed about the way that I am.

I don't do normal things that others would see as automatic. Examples:

-Was my birthday 3 days ago. Haven't put any cards up, all in a pile I keep tripping over on the floor.

-bedsheet pings off the bed and I just go to sleep on a crumpled sheet instead of taking 2 mins to put it back on

• find it really, really hard to remember to brush my teeth twice a day, though I persevere!

BUT I am able to stick with my daughter's daily routines, which makes me think is it something psychological about not feeling worth it, but I can do it for her?

Also:

• untidy,always losing things
• find it incredibly hard to stay in any routine
• can't remember anything if not written down
• overstimulated horribly by multiple noises at same time, supermarkets etc
• almost have a split personality as at work I am hyper organised and focussed. Wonder if this could be masking at work?

I'm 31, decent career, married, but feel like I'm only just holding it together under the surface.

Well if it's ADHD I have it too then. I think it sounds more like a normal busy life tbh. My colleague has ADHD. He's impulsive. Buys things he doesn't need in excessive amounts. Blurts out rude things. He offends people. Bugs people. Goes on about unimportant things at busy times, messing with people's heads. I'm no expert but you sound much the same as me.

It could be. There are some traits anyway so looking into some ADHD management techniques could be useful. When people talk about jumping on the bandwagon I think you have to remember it’s be very under-diagnosed so that’s why there’s a lot of chat about it now.

From what you’ve said it could be (hyper-focus) can be a feature of ADHD especially if it’s on something you find interesting. None of us can diagnose you, so if you think exploring this further could help you, then I would look into a private specialist to assess you-I understand waiting lists on the NHS are very long. What I would say as a general point (although I can’t comment on ADHD medication specifically) is that I’d be wary of rushing to medication as a first option without trying behavioural strategies first. There are lots of resources out there with ideas to help manage ADHD and some really good books written by people with it. Maybe check those out and see if they resonate and if you can get any coping strategies?

Thanks - jumping on bandwagon is not something I think about others, to clarify, I don't think it's a helpful phrase, but I definitely have to fight against that thought when thinking about myself. I'm minimizing my own feelings I think.

Do you often experience something where you’re on your way to do a task, but you get distracted by something else, so you put down the first task to do the second, but get distracted by a third, so on and so forth, until something leads you to remember you were doing the first task, and then it starts all over, to where you struggle to get anything done? (I call this a “hell loop.”) That was my cue to get checked out and diagnosed.

You sound like me. I have dyspraxia.

There's enough there to suggest possible ADHD. It's certainly worth investigating because I've seen it in action and, as you say, the medication can literally be life-changing for some.

Yes it does sound like ADHD to me. Low self esteem also seems to go hand in hand with ADHD, although it’s not a trait that’s often listed. (People usually say it’s down to the criticism people with ADHD get throughout life, but I personally think it’s an inherent type of wiring of the brain.)
I’d say it’s worth looking into a bit more. It’s very helpful even if it’s just having that understanding of yourself.

Forget about bandwagons and what other people might think. Do what's right for you

It may be. I found I held my life together pretty well (aside from periods of debilitating panic attacks) until I had kids. The mental load of them tipped me over the edge and unmasked all my symptoms. It’s probably worth getting checked out if the signs you see as adhd were, in hindsight, there before kids. For example, I look at my work history since age 17 and I haven’t worked anywhere longer than 6 months. I get hyper focused on things and spend huge amounts of money on them, putting myself into debt. I feel like I’m faking it to fit in when I socialise. I inturrupt people constantly despite trying so so hard not to. I can look back on my life pre kids and see myself doing all these things since I was a child.

if you can’t recognise any adhd pre kids then you may be experiencing busy, stressed mum overload instead! Lack of sleep. Etc.

also, a previous poster mentioned try stragegies first before medication. I guess it’s worth a try but I never managed to hold the routine of any strategies down long enough for them to help me. I would obsess, make the lists, buy the calenders and the apps etc, use them obsessively for 4 days, then forget about them. Because at the end of the day my brain does not work like that!

I have ADHD and ASD and what you describe does sound like some traits of ADHD and similar to me in some aspects. But, there are many more traits that I have that led to diagnosis, and part of the criteria is it significantly impacting your life. It’s possible to have traits without having ADHD. Apart from the ones you describe, these are some of the traits I have that impact my life quite a lot, do any of these resonate with you? Very, very messy to the point I don’t really see it and can’t tidy up (my DH organizes the tidying and cleaning), ADHD paralysis where I just won’t be able to do something simple like go to bed unless DH prompts me I can be ‘stuck’ on the sofa for hours fighting with myself to get up, often forget to drink, can’t start tasks at work easily often will wait until the last moment then do an all nighter or very early morning, mind constantly racing with 1000 thoughts and replaying videos and conversations of past events and future events with all scenarios, near constant state of anxiousness probably due to all the thoughts, trouble sleeping and getting back to sleep (I don’t and never have slept through the night).

@Newbie887 completely relate. Did you try medication? Op you sound like me and I'm seeking a diagnosis.

The not putting cards up would be classic ADHD. You just can't quite get the motivation to bother as it isn't important enough.
The fact you can maintain routine with your daughter doesn't mean you don't have it. I can't maintain any form of self care but I am able to look after my kids as I see that as essential.
I held it together before I had kids, but I'm struggling now. The signs were there in childhood though.

I would say yes - pursue a diagnosis. And contrary to others here, I would absolutely recommend the medication. It has absolutely changed my life. Before motherhood and then peri, I had just about coped and gave created my own coping strategies. Hormones have a huge impact on ADHD severity.

In what way has it changed your life? Just interested if you don't mind sharing. I wonder if that's what I need to explore.

All the time. Piles of unfinished bits I was sorting all over the place.

Plus, seeing something that needs doing, thinking I'll sort that next, and then immediately it disappears from my mind. We had a storage cabinet facing the wrong way (drawer fronts facing wall) for nearly a week after moving it to get up in the loft. Every time I passed it on the landing I thought I'll do that now. It took about 7 seconds to fix in the end. I'm not putting it off, it just disappears out of my mind.

You can complete a self assessment questionnaire online which provides an indication as to whether a referral is recommended.
That may provide you with some clarity.