To want to quit my job without another lined up?

[fluffylamb6]

I’m really struggling with my job at the moment. I’m now a single parent of 4, after my exh left me during the last pregnancy. The baby is now 2 and I returned to work after a year.

I had quite severe pre/post natal depression. I was off work for a large chuck of the pregnancy. I’m on 200mg sertraline, and still suffer with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I’ve had lots of help and intervention but it’s only vaguely better.

My job is in the public sector, traditionally shift work. I managed to drop a few hours coming back from maternity, as I just didn’t know how I’d cope with the job and 4 children on my own. I got a flexible pattern agreed too after a lot of back and forth and union involvement- I can’t work nights anymore as I don’t have childcare.

This has meant I’ve been moved around a lot, I haven’t felt very stable since coming back. My anxiety has been worse. I’ve already ended up with several periods off work due to panic attacks, I’m on an attendance management plan. I think if I have any more time off I will end up getting sacked on capability grounds.

I used to feel very capable doing my job before my pregnancy, but I don’t any more. When I’ve been in more admin type roles I’ve got on okay, but the public facing side of the job I am struggling with. I just don’t feel up to it- probably my anxiety and depression.

I’ve been applying for other jobs, trying to find something with transferable skills but less hours and less pressure (not peoples lives in my hands). On a positive, I’ve gotten an interview for almost every job I’ve applied for. But I must fluff the interviews as I’ve been rejected for every single one. I suspect I may not come across well in interviews- they always feel okay to me but then I overthink and wonder if my anxiety and issues are obvious.

I’m desperate to leave my job, I come home crying most days. I really need another job as I am a single parent. I feel like just quitting and struggling by on benefits until I am better, but my pride stops me doing this and I think I’d feel like even more of a failure.

AIBU in my situation to quit my job without another lined up?

Well if you can't cope, you can't cope, and your kids need their Mum. However, in the current job market I think you would need to be prepared to be looking for a new job for a while if you left without having one to go to. Best of luck x

Do you get any benefits? As leaving your job might affect these or might go in your favour to live off until you can confidently work again. It can’t be easy with 4 kids does your ex pay any maintenance?

Are you NHS? You have a lot on your plate with 4 dependents so I would be cautious about leaving without a job to go too. I can’t imagine being on universal credit would be easy and depending on the age of your children there may be a commitment to be actively looking for work.

You maybe on attendance management but there are a lot of stages before you get to dismissal in public services so some time off sick may give you a breathing space if your mental health is being affected.

I did hand in my notice without a job to go to in the NHS last year but i knew I could do bank, had Dh’s income and some savings to fall back on.

I wish you well, you are clearly struggling!

I do get a top up of universal credit, and the childcare element. I tried to do a calculation and it looked like I am around £400 a month better off for working- but this didn’t seem right I thought it would be more?! I’m not at the top of my pay band though. I also have quite high travel costs as I commute around an hour.
I’m in the very lucky position that I do get child maintenance through CMS, it is almost £1000 a month.
I don’t want to be ill forever, I don’t want to ruin my future prospects.

I’ve been trying so hard to get another job. Work know about my issues of course due to the time off. I’ve had several occy health appointments and work know my condition is classed as a disability (and OH say so too) due to the timeframe and how it affects my life.

Despite that I feel under pressure from work all the time. I think if I was left in a mainly admin type role I would cope much better, but they are pushing me into a public facing role again, giving me work based assessments etc to make sure I’m competent. Which I don’t feel I am at the moment but it just all adds pressure and I don’t want to be there any more.

If You can afford to do it go for it a job is not worth the stress you are going through. Especially for £400 my only concern would be that your universal credit isn’t affected if your dc is under 5 I think you are allowed to stay home until they reach 5 but check first. Good luck.

What mental health support do you have? Would a mental health review to see if you need a medication review potentially seeing what other support you might need?
I had severe pnd and it took 2 years of medication and therapy to get back to myself and it was probably another year before I was coping well with life and work and that was with a partners support. Hats off to you for doing your best solo with 4 kids and not 1!

@PessismisticI think I could make it work as I’m very lucky to get decent maintenance at the moment, with my travel costs being around £250 a month plus wear and tear on my car I’m probably not much better off for working.

But the thought of ruining my future job prospects also gives me anxiety. I really wanted to have another (less stressful) job to go to before I left. But I’m wondering if my current condition is affecting my chances in interviews and I’m just not coming across well.

I do have a CPN, I’m under community MH. I’ve had CBT but it hasn’t really helped. I’m on the waiting list for a different type of therapy but can’t remember the name. I’d really like EMDR but I’m not sure how to get it.
GP tried changing my medication but I struggled with side effects badly and went back to sertraline. I feel really stuck.

My heart goes out to you OP. I know it's probably not the right advice but I don't know how you can work with so many little ones and feeling so unwell.

In your position I would quit and take the state support you're entitled to. You can focus on recovery and deciding the type of role you'd like next x

I had compassion focused therapy which is the recommended treatment for pnd then had 18 months of vig which was bonding therapy to help with my bond with my daughter but the sessions dealt with a lot of the underlying issues too. I've since had counselling with my HV too to help process those first two years.
Do you have a psychiatrist? They might be better for med advice, adding something else to the sertraline might be better than switching it. I ended up on a combination of 4 medications to treat my depression, I'm bipolar though so prescribing is a bit more complicated.

I would concentrate more on your health as this is more important than a job if you can afford to maybe by taking the pressure of you will help your depression and anxiety and go back to a part time job in the future your kids need you. Does your ex ever have the kids?

Do the children stay with their Dad ever or do you have them all the time? Do you ever get a break?

This is really hard OP. I am single parent too and the pressure got too much at points. I left two jobs without another lined up and worked out fine, but do you have savings? Would your work agree an unpaid sabbatical?? Give you some space. You may just be extremely tired and a few months to regroup could go wonders.

No, he doesn’t see them at all so it’s all on me really. Family are not close and I don’t want to move the older ones out of school where they are happy and settled and disrupt their life more.

I think I’m very sleep deprived from my 2 year old not sleeping through the night. I still breastfeed as well. Often ill from nursery. It’s all really tough.

I unfortunately don’t have much in savings- around £2000 only. I had some debts accrued during maternity leave, I wasn’t expecting to be on my own. I could have gone back to work sooner but I knew I wasn’t well enough.

Yes definitely give up your job then it must be really difficult doing this on top of your illness you can think about your future career when you have dealt with your current situation. The interviews you are getting might be going ok it might be your sickness record putting future employers off. Get your health sorted first. That your priority now.

Yes it could be. I had an impeccable record before of this happened. I really just want to be better but don’t know how at the moment.

I have suffered for years with depression on sertraline on and off for years and that was without being a single parent to 4 kids you are probably overwhelmed with everything especially as you didn’t plan this. You need to heal now the kids need you firing on all cylinders do it for them and you. A job is never more important than you.

I agree totally with this.
A single Mum to 4 kids is a full time job in itself, never mind your health issues. Take some time off, get yourself well, and then when you feel up to it, get back out there. You'll be able to live off benefits/CM for a while.

Can you get some benefits advice? It sounds like your mental health has gone under and that you need to claim on that basis.
I think if that weren't the case and you leave a job you can't claim for a while.
I don't think you're out of order at all btw. If you're ill, you're ill. You can focus on you and gradually build up to getting work on track ck again in the future xx

Would citizens advice be the best place for that?
I already get UC, so I understand if I had to leave work that my benefit payment would just go up a bit? I understand I don't have a requirement to look for work until the youngest is 3.
I think getting a less demanding job or leaving altogether would be so much better for my MH but I’m so stressed about the long term effect on any work options.