Dad makes out he does more than he does

[thismummyslife]

Im a first time mum, absolutely love being a mum to my gorgeous LO! But my OH really is starting to annoy me. When it’s just us, he is quite hands off with baby at times and barely doesn’t anything with her after work, honestly he holds her for 5 minutes whilst I make her a bottle etc but sometimes even puts a stink up about that, whatever! The annoying thing is, when other people are here he suddenly becomes gods gift and makes out like he does more than he actually does. Especially true with my MIl, she thinks the sun literally shines!! Talks about how much he does, I feel petty correcting her to just wanted to vent really!

It's a common thing. They also MASSIVELY overestimate how much they do. Like, they do 10% and think they do 50% at the very least.

Nip that shit in the bud. No being useless at home, proper mucking in. It's not 'helping' it's not 'babysitting' and it's not a favour to you. It's parenting and he can step the hell up.

Why are you putting up with this shit?

More than time for a frank conversation with him.

He needs to step up or ship out and no, you are not just going to leave his “performative parenting” in front of his mother to go unchallenged.

If you fail to tackle this now you’ll be back on MN in a few years time asking if you are being U to divorce the lazy fucker as after another baby and a further abdication of all responsibilities (it won’t just be parenting, he’ll withdraw from doing anything around the home - if he does anything at all now, which I’ll bet is minimal) you’ll be run ragged and filled with resentment.

Also don’t fall for the expectation of “gratitude” about him pulling his finger out or that he’s deigning to contribute to household tasks and child care (aka parenting).

How he doesn’t give you the ick is beyond me.

If the baby is bottle fed, you can and should get out of the house and leave him to parent. When he gets home, run yourself a nice bath, amd lock the bathroom door. Take Saturday morning off. Inform him this is how life will be from now on.

You should also tell his mother what a useless turd he is.

It's pathetic that he is so desperately trying to impress his mother but clearly doesn't give a shiny shite about impressing you.

Another fucking useless man.

Don’t forget when they are more tired than anyone else despite not doing much with the baby and family tell them to take it easy, have a nap etc!
My sympathies, you are doing a great job. Society still thinks men parenting is pretty novel. My mum clutches her pearls at the thought of my husband looking after his own baby alone. We laugh about it and he jokingly asks me if he will cope when I go out.

Men that suddenly know what parenting looks like when someone is watching are the worst.

I agree with pps , if baby is bottle fed you need to take time for yourself.

What’s the situation re housework etc?
Let me guess - you do it all?

If there is a baby group specifically for dads take advantage of that and ship them off. They often try to lure them with bacon baps!
Or pal up with a friend and their (capable) husband so they have a role model to observe. Also agree with others, book some time for yourself, although these kinds of parents will involve their mums to help!

Or if op can stomach it she she invite mil over more often. Mr performance parent will cabe eventually.

My DH also sometimes overestimates what he does chores wise. A couple weeks ago he complained that he ‘always’ does the dishwasher so I kept count the following week. He did it twice, I did it 5 times. I asked him if he felt he’d done the dishwasher more than me that week again and he said ‘Yeah I definitely did it more than half the time.’ When I informed him that he’d in fact only done it twice he was very surprised and said ‘Well it felt like more’ 🤦‍♀️