...to not be upset about my DS smashing my back door?

[KatieScarlett2833]

Background, my DC's have both had friends round after school for tea. Gave both of my DC's a rollocking earlier on for constantly bickering with each other and showing off in front of their friends. Were told in no uncertain terms that if their behaviour continued, friends round midweek would become the stuff of legend for them.

About half an hour before DH was due to drive the kids home, DS came upstairs and sheepishly announced that he and his friend were "throwing stones" and had smashed the single pane, double glazed back door.

DS and friend were close to tears and I didn't have the heart to berate them. Instead I said it was OK, no-one was hurt and the Insurance would pay. I also said with a smile that I would appreciate it if tonight was the beginning and end of stone throwing. DH said that the boy was very quiet and upset about his actions on the way home and my first thought was to give him a call to let him know everything was OK and he's still more than welcome here.

Now the drama is over, I'm wondering, did I do the right thing? I'm not angry with the kids, but it seems a bit odd to me to be so annoyed with minor squabbling and not with serious damage that will force me to take a day off t omorrowto be in for the Glazier.

Jury of MN, am I an inconsistent parent? What would you have done?

I don't know (hmm... good opener), but I understand completely why you reacted that way and I would have done the same. If they'd seemed cocky about the door, I bet you'd have chopped their nuts off with a rusty butter-knife, but their remorse made you melt, and made you think they understood the severity of their crime.

So if you're a bad parent, I am too.

I think I would be the same. I always seem to over react about minor things but when something major happens I'm generally just so relieved no-ones got hurt that I let it pass. I think kids generally know when they've done something really wrong - you don't need to rub it in.

I think also the stone throwing was not meant to break the door whereas squabbling with siblings is sort of conscious bad behaviour.
I expect I would have done the same as you.

I would have reacted inthe same way. bickering can really test any mothers nerves.

I think that what you have done is great.
sounds like good balanced parenting, reading the reactions of the child is really important.

Absolutely, I would do exactly the same - and have done, although not with a door. Mine was a very precious (in a sentimental way, not a valuable way) bowl that I treasured.
It's the puppy dog eyes! Gets me every time, yet I turn into banshee woman over minor stuff!

Thank goodness, I was in the horrors thinking that I had somehow encouraged my DC's to engage in ant-social behaviour. I could practically smell the ASBO...

Awww, DS (age 11) has just come in to say goodnight, hugged me fiercely and said "I really, really, REALLY love you Mum".

Probably relief that he is not being strung up as we speak, but still....(Katie wells up...).

sniff Awww.

Now tell him that you've had a bit of a rethink and are grounding him till he's 25.

Mwa ha ha, Beautiful.

My mum used to do her nut when anyone broke anything and it was very upsetting because obviously I didn't mean it. It made me feel nervous, clumsy and foolish.

So in that, you are good and right.

Bikcering winds you up. Perhaps rather than make threats though I would be tempted to just split up the bickerers and insist they hang out in different rooms. It's more relevant and also has the desired effect of preventing you from having to hear it.

Thanks Spider, had already split them up once during a previous altercation. Felt the need to escalate to Defcon 3.

Defcon 4 is when my eyes bulge, the veins in my neck stand out and my tone changes from Glinda the Good to the Wicked Witch of the West. "Now my pretties......"

Ah yes.

There's a book about defcon 4 of which you speak.

It's as well to remember that your sanity and avoidance of neck veins is desirable for everyone.

That's it! I KNEW I got that from somewhere!

Katie I would have reacted in the same way, bickering deserves a telling of but accidents don't, it wasn't their fault, they where remorseful, and they will probably never throw stones again!

I have never got cross with DS for spilling or breaking something, it upsets him enough when these things happen I think a telling off would just make matters worse.

I think you reacted wonderfully.
Specially letting your son's friend that he is still welcome and not to worry. I think if children see adults reacting reasonably and with a level head and an empathy for how they might be feeling... well, teching them stuff like that is such a good thing for them.