My parents separated when I was 5. My 2 older sisters went with my dad and I stayed with my mum. My dad had an affair and they're still together 30+ years later.
I was reading a MN thread that said the 18yo daughter should "grow up and get over it" about her dad and stepmum. Well I'm mid forties and I'm still not over it. I feel frozen at 5yo tbh. That might seem dramatic but when I think about what happened back then it was a trauma and those feelings and moments have stuck with me.
The upshot is that my dad and SM can't do anything apart. My dad used to have lots of female friends that he did plenty with without either of us but I'm never able to have any time with him alone. No just going for a coffee or to the garden centre. And I'm feeling pissed off about it. We have a WhatsApp chat with the 3 of us. I don't want a group chat with the 3 of us?? If he calls me on the phone he's on speaker but doesnt tell me until i hear her answering my Qs. I've now realised it's always on speaker. This is from him though, not stipulated by her.
I say that I feel like a 5yo because he used to take me to see SM when he was still with my mum and having an affair with her and told me not to say anything. When my parents split, he and SM moved in together with my sisters and when he picked me up for my day with him he brought SM every single time. One time, aged 5, I asked if we could go out just the 2 of us and he went mental and made me go and give SM a cuddle and apologise. I'm still quite angry about that.
The thing is that I thought I'd put all this to bed but lately I've become really irritated with SM and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to make peace with it