To have changed my outlook on my ‘ problems ‘ lately

[changedoutlook]

I just kind of realised that if my family and I are healthy and have food on the table - all else doesn’t really matter that much ? Of course there are day to day problems but they all kind of pale into insignificance when I think all the tragedies people go through, that I’m not currently going through, so I should just be a bit more grateful that I don’t have a tragedy in my life right now?

It has been quite a profound shift for me over the last couple of months. Just how ungrateful I’ve been. I have taken everything for granted and everything could be pulled away in the blink of an eye and life could be utter misery - not because your job sucks or your child isn’t listening - but because of a real tragedy.

has anyone ever had this kind of profound gratitude that just came in out of nowhere ? I look at most of my problems or the problems of others and just think, they’re no actually problems.

will it last, or will I just revert back to being pulled into my own misery ? It remains to be seen but I feel quite a shift has happened for me.

can anyone relate ?

I can. I'm happy for you!

Will it last?

I have felt the same recently. I think it’s because there have been a few people I vaguely know being diagnosed with terrible illnesses and it really made me think about what is important. My grandfather has also been diagnosed with advanced cancer and that has really shocked me into not thinking about the small stuff.

Many years ago I heard an interview on the radio about active decision making and happiness. I looked around and thought “I would be happy if…” but then I thought 1) the mortgage is manageable and is just part of life. It will end. 2). Mum is going to die. Nothing I can do about that.

So, I decided I had everything I needed and, actually, pretty much everything I wanted, so I was happy. And nothing has changed that since.

I think unadulterated bliss tends to be moments and they pass. But the stone in my stomach, my bedrock, is happiness. And I have lived by “active decision “ ever since. My decisions are nearly always mine. (I do have a husband etc to take into account).

Its a weird thing to say because im not a particularly woo person but there seems to be a lot of healing going on at the moment

I can relate, op. I can’t say if it will last for you, I hope it does. My shift came a few years ago and I’m still very happy. I spent many years with deep depression, anxiety and a feeling of impending doom! Gratitude I think has a lot to do with it. And also, the slow realisation that no matter what bad stuff I’ve had to deal with (and there’s been a lot), things have always worked out ok in the end. My little family are always fed, always have a comfy bed to sleep in, and always know we’re loved by each other. That’s everything I need x

Yes.
I wouldn’t say I took things for granted as such, but I’d get caught up in the little things or the principle of situations.

Watching my best friend (in 30’s) dying in hospital under sudden and tragic circumstances puts everything firmly in perspective. Life really is so fragile.

Now I just think - did anyone die? Will anyone die? No. Ok, move on.
I try to remind myself - if I won’t care about something in 5yrs then don’t stress about it today.

Sometimes people don’t believe how little I care about situations others get entirely worked up about. I just think people who have never experienced or witnessed the fragility of life, have a false view of what matters in the world.

Since mum died 2 years ago today. I'm very much more live in the moment and take every small win you can. I'm a lot more content with life, as I have all I need.

I think humans are designed to worry about stuff - if a person has nothing majorly bad going on, then they tend to make small things of greater importance in their minds. Then if a genuinely big problem arises, the small stuff gets pushed out of the mind.

Also I saw a documentary about happiness and the premise was that people have a base level of happiness according to their personality. Life events can raise or lower it, but these effects are temporary and ultimately we return to our own natural level.
I think this is largely true, but I do also believe we can alter our personalities to some extent and choose to appreciate the small victories in life a bit more and start to see the beautiful things around us.

Yes but you need to actively work on it. I have had a few profound moments like you describe that have changed my perspective and they've been permanent as long as I spend time reminding myself of them and practicing them until they become habit.

I think that attitude will make your life a lot happier and there is no reason for it not to last if you are mindful of it. When I was diagnosed with a particularly nasty cancer with a poor prognosis five years ago DD (then 17) went straight into “why you, life is not fair” mode. When I really thought about it I thought “why not me”. I have overall had a very good life when such horrible things happen to so many people so I refused to feel sorry for myself and encouraged DD likewise. The “you are so brave” brigade drove me nuts, I wasn’t especially brave but saw no point in whinging about it and set out to enjoy the rest of my life as best I could. Five years on I am still alive and I feel grateful every day.