Lack of sympathy from OH

[TheFancyLion]

I'm going through a pretty tough time at the moment, and I just want to know if it's me being over sensitive and grouchy or OH is being unreasonable.

Firstly, my mum got diagnosed with Breast cancer a couple of weeks ago, she's had her operation to remove it this week and so far looking positive however we still have to wait for the results of the biopsy to know if its fully clear.
Over this last weekend, my sister also got rushed to hospital, couldn't breath and has been diagnosed with severe asthma brought on by hayfever!
On top of this been really disappointed by my own dad and step mum, as they've shown no concern for me and my sister with everything going on so I'm trying to navigate how to deal with it.
Just to add I'm also in a high pressured job, in a really busy period and got a screen obsessed teenager trying to ensure isn't spending the entire Easter holidays on his computer.

I'm absolutely mentally exhausted. And I admit, probably not much of a pleasure to be around, but OH has fallen out with me today, said that I'm letting it consume me and basically made me feel awful for not being able to brush things off and just carry on as normal.

He's buggered off to him mums (she's on hol) and I haven't heard anything from him all evening.

I absolutely get that it must also be difficult for him aswell, but surely im entitled to be feeling a little low and stressed considering everything going on?

He's being dismissive and really lacking any empathy here. You've had awful news and more than one family health crisis to deal with.

My sympathies about your mom and I hope she recovers well. Mine had breast cancer too, it's one of the most stressful times you will ever go through. Then add in your sister's health and work stress, please try to take care of yourself. Drink plenty of fluids and make sure you get a nourishing meal. Do you have some supportive friends?

Maybe your husband needs a not so gentle kick up the ass to realize you need support and some care yourself.

Yanbu. If you'd benefit struggling for years without doing anything to help yourself, then I can understand some frustration. But a couple of weeks! Of course its consuming you! That's what a partnership is mean to be about, one of you picking the other one up when life's inevitable shit happens. Not fucking off in a strop because you don't like that the other person has feelings and is struggling

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate and could do with some tlc and sympathy from your DH. I'm sorry that he's not stepped up when you need him 😔 please try and look after yourself, take time to allow yourself to have a good cry when you need to, get as much rest as you can and try and get outside in nature in a peaceful place for a walk if you can. You need to practice some self-care so you can continue to support your mum. Don't give any headspace to your dad and stepmum, they are not worth the energy. Accept that they are not supportive and let it go. I hope your DH will come back and apologise for his unkindness.

Thanks for replying, he's come home this morning and we've not said a word to eachother.
Even down to the silly things like he started to make himself coffee, didn't start mine or got a cup out. So I just made my own and left him with probably too little water in the kettle 🤣 petty, yes, but do you know what, it made me feel better for him leaving me last night.
Not sure how today will pan out but I I've got bigger things to be worrying about as I'm going to see my mum today. Just can't beleive someone could be so heartless and to be honest its making me question our 15 year relationship.

Just from another perspective from someone who doesn’t know the whole situation and could be absolutely wrong - do you think maybe you’ve taken it out on OH a bit too much and he’s decided to go to his mums to give you both a bit of space?

Is it possibly a mix of communication. Perhaps you need to have a chat, you’re sorry if you’ve been grouchy and moany at him but you’re going through a tough time and need him.

Maybe he feels pushed to the side or that you’re taking it out on him rather than let him be there.

If I’m wrong then yeah, he’s an insensitive git

He is being very unsupportive. As a previous poster has said, it has been two weeks since your mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. Of course you are still coming to terms with this and will be upset.

Is he close to his own parents?

I appreciate the balanced opinion on this, I think if he had come to me, sat me down and said "hey, I'm struggling a bit with your low mood, do you want me to give you some space or is there anything else that I could do to help etc" or that he needed a bit of space from it all. But instead he just ignored me the entire day while we were both at work after the row in the morning and then came home stomping about the house before leaving.

I think it's the approach of it all and lack of any communication prior to blowing off the handle.

Well as many of them do OP he is stepping up in your hour of need to show you who he really is…a selfish fucker. Sorry OP this man does not have your back and when the shot has hit the fan, all he’s done is make it worse so if I were you, I would indeed sack him off. You’d be better on your own without the extra concern right now. Sorry you’re having a hard time

I wouldn't say he's close, his dad lives elsewhere and he has a somewhat turbulent relationship with his mum.

It's just making me question how I'm supposed to be feeling, I've felt pretty numb with it all and kind of "transactional" getting through all the consultant meetings and the op amd being the listening ear to my mum.

I totally appreciate it would be tough for him aswell but I feel like he has turned it around to all about him ☹️

Yes I do agree with you. I think you need to openly be honest with him and say you’ve found his behaviour upsetting, you’re going through a lot right now and you feel like instead of him supporting you he has been cold

Didn't think to take your son with him then?

Is he teen’s dad?

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all of this right now but your husband has bailed as soon as the waters have got choppy. I’d be questioning the relationship too.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the teenager and screen time right now because you’ve got bigger things to think about

Nope, and he had an event that he needed driving to, which I'm quite capable of doing but along with preparing dinner, walking dog, plus other household chores it really pissed me off leaving me to do it all.

Yep it's his dad.

My soon to be ex husband was like this and he’s a right dick. So sorry you are having a rough time OP.